Do you believe in Like at first sight?

Although I believe love at first sight is a fairy tale, I believe like at first sight is real. If you've read
Malcolm Gladwell's book Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking perhaps you'll be convinced.

However, it wasn't the book that convinced me. The book only reinforced what I suspected. When I meet someone for the first time, be it for work or socially, a "like" or "don't really like" would pop up in my mind instantly. (This first impression has got nothing to do with whether the person is good looking or not by international standards. I may not feel attracted to someone even if he's a hunky ex-model. It may something to do with sex pheromones.) 

I try not to allow my prejudices to take control over the relationship by being open to the possibility that my first impression of the person may not be accurate. For example, if I dislike someone at first glance I don't necessarily rule him out of my dating pool. He may be attracted to me and because he's attracted to me I may, over time, find him endearing. 

It is only natural for us to sometimes see ourselves through other people and therefore like the people who like us and dislike the people who dislike us. But I realised that such attraction which first starts off with "don't really like" and then grows starting from him liking me then me liking him is not genuine. I call this "nurtured attraction" as opposed to "natural attraction" which happens instantly.

Although I believe attraction can be nurtured, I have my doubts as to whether such attraction would last. Nurtured attraction hasn't worked for me so far. Believe it or not, it's the guys who decided to not to take the relationship forward. Perhaps they could somehow sense that my (nurtured) attraction for them was not innate. 

Rejection is hard but I find myself not being as upset as I expected to be. It only led me to think that my instincts were right after all.  

So why do I bother with nurtured attraction? Because there aren't enough guys whom I feel naturally attracted to, or maybe I met them on days when my instincts weren't working well.


Tzyy Sin said...

Hey Lady Yu,

I love the fact you are a very scientific person who uses logic and reasoning. I agree wholeheartedly with you share with us.

Nutured and Natural seemed like Darwin's Theory of Evolution, anyway, both Nutured and Natural might not last, or else there wouldn't be divorces at all.

Paul Tan said...

Over the passage of time and perhaps through unpleasant past experiences, I'll say we become desensitized to new encounters. We count the costs of what it means to be with the person, and as much as the biological clock is ticking on both sides, we hesitate to take the first step. Hence, "friendship" becomes a safe platform for me to explore any further. After all, no one likes to be accused of leading anyone on.