Why are all the ineligible guys taken?

My gal friend said that a guy whom she met couldn't possibly be single. By her standards, she found him to be eligible, therefore he couldn't possibly be single. I questioned, "Why not? You and I are both eligible and we are single?"

She paused for a few seconds then she said, "It's different for men. Even all the non-eligible guys aren't single." I couldn't disagree because this was exactly what I had said to her before on a different occasion. We all know of fat, ugly men who are cheats or bankrupts who have faithful girlfriends or wives in awe of the talents.

Yet, a study done in UK about speed dating found that women are more fussy than men. (Speed dating: Why are women more choosy?)

What's it about Singaporean men that make Singaporean women want to snap them up even if they are not deemed eligible by normal standards? What's wrong with the women here? What's wrong?

1. Pressure by the government to produce more children if we wish to reduce immigration. We must do our duty to increase the birth rate at all costs.
2. HDB subsidies offered by the government are too good to pass up. Getting government subsidies is a good way to get free money. It is enough to make up for getting a husband.
3. To recoup losses made on ang pows given out for weddings and baby's first month's celebrations.
4. To mitigate risk of being old and alone. Getting married and having children reduces (not eliminates) that risk.
5. Religious beliefs and societal pressure about the role of women in society and what they're supposed to do with their lives.
6. Stupid movies that make people feeling "incomplete" if they are not married.

I'm not saying these because I'm jealous or anti-marriage. I'm just trying to understand what people are thinking! Any ideas?

Note: This is a free photo I downloaded, not a friend's photo.


David said...


You might be making more out of this topic than needed.

No one will dispute that there are many undesirable men looking for women like you and your friend. However one must ask you and your friend this; Where are you looking for eligible men?

If ladies are looking in clubs and entertainment venues, then you are looking in one of the poorest places to find a good man.

Pressure, often more imagined than real. Sure SG will pay a little extra for offspring. Do you think that little extra will actually increase pro-creation rates? Most relgous beliefs I am aware of do not pressure women into marriage. That fear of being alone is worth considering. Married couples do live longer than singles.

This does not reduce the value of the single person. You appear quite content with who you are and your achievements thusfar.

Success is measured many ways. Some people only count money earned and saved as a measure. Some people count family above money. Many strive for a balance.

I believe you have written often about finding balance in lifes goals. Looking for and finding a partner for marriage is similar. One will not find perfection. Then again you cannot offer yourself as a perfect partner. When people accept thier own imperfections, then the reality that others are imperfect one achieves a better way of looking at friends and potential partners.

If you can find a similar minded male, who strives to improve himself, someone who wants a partner to improve along side with him, somenone with similar likes, although you will not find a 100% match with likes and dislikes. Perhaps changed expectations will make the task of finding a partner and change what is now a task, into a joy filled pursuit.


Paul said...

Marriage and/or relationship lies with our attitude towards it than with the person we are with. I guess we should be fully aware of the responsibilities associated with it than to just jump into it for the sake of getting hitched. Once you have made it on your own, chances are you will not want to get hitched.

John said...

Its a matter of perspective. Men and women are out there. Just need to know where to look. This can be Psycho-graphically explained. I short, Life style determines where these people typically can be found. If you are looking for a goodie to shoes, try not to look for them in Zouk. Chances of them being there would be slim.
Like wise Vice versa.