My biggest problem: I preferred Singaporean men

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I've not been actively searching for a partner in the past 2 years. Why? Several reasons.

1. I was busy and exhausted with work.
2. I did not feel like I needed or wanted a partner.
3. I don't see attractive Singaporean Chinese man around in my daily life, e.g. at Raffles Place during lunch, at the park or at the gym. I don't find any of them desirable.
4. I have no intention to buy a HDB flat. There's nothing wrong with HDB flat. I live in one. I just don't see myself buying one.

It was only recently that I discovered the real problem: I had always preferred dating Singaporean Chinese men. You might be thinking: why is that a problem?

I wrote about SPG's in 2009 and Caucasian men in 2011. Over 1.5 years, my opinion of Caucasian men has changed. After giving it another 2 years (that is, now), my opinion has changed even more. I do not favour Caucasians over local Chinese men. I think of them as individuals - each with their own good and bad points regardless of skin tone.

The local pool of men is limited and I've not been interested enough to date anyone in the past few years. To further my search for a suitable partner, I'd have to consider the Caucasian men too. I find some (obviously, not all) of Caucasian and Hispanic men appealing so it's only natural for me to consider them. After I stopped limiting myself to Singaporean Chinese men, I finally had people on my list that I was interested to go out with.

After meeting several and dating one, I'd say what I wrote about Singaporean men vs Caucasian men still holds and I wish to add 3 more thoughts:
1. I think Singaporean men argue too much, are too aggressive and defensive E.g. A man saying "You are jumped to conclusions." (ya, most can't speak or type decent English either)
is aggressive. It is an accusation and he's coming to a conclusion. If he says "What makes you think so?", it means he is trying to understand my thought process.

2. Singaporean men who are affluent tend to place too much emphasis on wanting a woman to prove that she's not with him because of money.
E.g. wanting her to pay for some small-valued items to show that she isn't taking advantage of him.

3. Many Singaporean define themselves with their past, with their jobs and with what they own
It appears to me that their sense of self is determined by what is external. There is little thirst for knowledge, curiosity, or sense of amazement for the natural world. I'd rather talk to the wall.

I don't know if it's merely a temporary attraction but this is a road that I shall explore further.

Note: I was just being dramatic in the title. It's not a big problem.

8 comments:

David said...

Yu-Kym,

You are doing yourself a favour by looking more widely and crafting your impression of each male as an individual rather than as an ethnic group.

Wheter a Singaporean Chinese man, Hispanic male, or causcasian male, you will find good, bad and indiffernt males within each group.

I applaud your opended mind approach and personal growth in looking beyond ethic appearacne or stereotype.

David

Anonymous said...

Affluent Singapore Chinese men can easily sort the slut from the good family oriented wife.

Caucasian men love the slut because they follow the "fuck and dump" philosopy.

That is why they are less choosy, appear to be extremely compliant because they only want a good f**k then dump you.

Anonymous said...

And if you marry a Caucasian man and have children, there is a high probability the children will be abnormal because lots of Caucasian men are on drugs which are legally allowed in their country, totally unlike Singapore which is a criminal offence with jail terms. Over there, it is not a criminal offence to take certain dope which can cause birth defects. That is another reason why Caucasians are getting dumber and dumber!

If you live in Western Countries, it is very common to see parents with abnormal children on the street. Just imagine such burden on your life!

So take your risk!

Paul said...

For myself, with no offense to anyone, I still prefer local Chinese women as the ideal choice of my life partner.

Reading through your posts, I'll have to say that not all guys here have the same thinking. Maybe a guy defining himself with his past, his job and what he owns is shaped by the ladies he had dated in his past. From my own experience, most first dates I went to focused on all these topics, fortunately or unfortunately. Their sense of self will only appear at a later stage when you have made the effort to get to know them, assuming you do not drop them after the first date.

I am not for mixed-race marriages because there are many hurdles to overcome and that takes time and we all have limited time. I can't say everyone's journey in love will be smooth sailing but I guess given a choice, most people would still prefer to have a more tranquil journey than a tumultuous one characterized by a mixed-race union. Just giving my two cents worth.

Anonymous said...

There are as many billionaires in China as in the USA according to the report :-

According to Hurun Report’s Hurun Global Rich List 2013, Asia is home to 608 billionaires, or more than 40 per cent of the world’s 1453 mega rich individuals. Of that 608, more than half live in China, which still trails the United States as the country with the most billionaires.

The top five countries for billionaires according to the list are: the United States (408 billionaires), China (317), Russia (88), Germany (61) and the UK (56). Australia comes in at No. 16 with 16 billionaires, by Hurun Report’s calculations.

And those Caucasians who appear to like you may well be the ones with nothing to pursue in life!

David said...

Anon, as usual presenting stereotypes and misinformation.

If you have spent any time really reading Ms Loh's posts on relations you would notice that she is very selective and does not suffer foolish or stupid men.

If any man tried to hide a substance problem or abused her in any way I trust that Yu-Kym would drop him like a rock.

Asian, Caucasian or Euro there are many good and some that are really bad.

David

Anonymous said...

You like Caucasians! You must be out of your mind! They are the butt jokes of the world!

E.g. USA is now a poor 3rd world country somewhere in Africa with over half the population being blacks, Hispanics, Asians etc and a black President. It is so much like South Africa during the post transition from apatite where every one arm themselves with assault weapons ready for a civil war! And where "school fun" is spraying everyone in school with bullets.

Look at UK, those smelling Caucasians are called FILTHS, failed-in-London-try-Hongkong-Singapore.

Look at Europe, those Caucasians are protesting austerity measures. Why, because they are lazy bastards who love to lay on their backside doing nothing other being f**ked and collecting social security.

So you want to go out with those ass jokes of the world, bring it on!

Yuksarr said...

Thanks to open my eyes, after reading this, i discover that i'm a lazy european bastard ( caucasian )who love to lay on my backside doing nothing other being f**ked and collecting social security. I eat frogs, i'm arrogant, and i take one shower a year. Yeah i'm french, sorry nobody is perfect.