What would you do if your partner is a closet slut or slave?

47
Someone posted her problem online:

So, I love a man who is into this...
It freaks me out...
He does it secretly through pictures over the internet.
All I want to do is shower him with love, affection and tenderness.
But instead I find over 600 pictures on his computer of self punishment sent to his online master...
He calls himself "slut"

Can I love him
Can he love me?
Am I chasing nothingness...

I'm so frustrated, afraid, and f&$%ed up


My friends are surprised when I tell them that there are many men who secretly refer to themselves as sluts and slaves.

I showed a female friend a picture of a male slut (with his consent). She commented that it's hard to imagine that such a well-groomed guy can be so "perverted". I have to agree. I wouldn't be able to guess that from the picture or in person.

What would you do if you discover that your partner has such sexual preferences?
a) Read up more about it and explore it with your partner;
b) Insist that he/she change or break up because you can't bring yourself to do it;
c) Come to an agreement that what he/she does with the Master remains online only;
d) Pretend not to know; or
e) Be really happy because you are a closet dom/domme.

47 comments:

Anonymous said...

She should apply some common sense and simply become a specialist in S & M i.e. become his "Master" so he can enjoy his "kinky pleasure" even thought to others, it is pain!

If people call the above "perversion", then what about anal sex, being gay ( which use the wrong hole ) etc, aren't they perverts too?!

CBS said...

Talk to him. Gotta find out why he does that.

Anonymous said...

It's a shame there are people who are like this...stress in daily living ???

CBS said...

The fetishes may be weird or strange but the underlying causes are normally quite ordinary. Like lack of self-esteem, seeking for attention, a reaction to a deeper hurt, etc.

It's a coping mechanism kicking in that goes on overdrive.

David said...

Yu-Kym,

The behaviours you describe are in a class of behaviours called - Paraphilias.

Web MD describes S & M as follows:
Sexual Masochism

Individuals with this disorder use sexual fantasies, urges, or behaviors involving the act (real, not simulated) of being humiliated, beaten, or otherwise made to suffer in order to achieve sexual excitement and climax. These acts may be limited to verbal humiliation, or may involve being beaten, bound, or otherwise abused. Masochists may act out their fantasies on themselves -- such as cutting or piercing their skin, or burning themselves -- or may seek out a partner who enjoys inflicting pain or humiliation on others (sadist). Activities with a partner include bondage, spanking, and simulated rape.

Sadomasochistic fantasies and activities are not uncommon among consenting adults. In most of these cases, however, the humiliation and abuse are acted out in fantasy. The participants are aware that the behavior is a "game," and actual pain and injury is avoided.

A potentially dangerous, sometimes fatal, masochistic activity is autoerotic partial asphyxiation, in which a person uses ropes, nooses, or plastic bags to induce a state of asphyxia (interruption of breathing) at the point of orgasm. This is done to enhance orgasm, but accidental deaths sometimes occur.

Sexual Sadism

Individuals with this disorder have persistent fantasies in which sexual excitement results from inflicting psychological or physical suffering (including humiliation and terror) on a sexual partner. This disorder is different from minor acts of aggression in normal sexual activity; for example, rough sex. In some cases, sexual sadists are able to find willing partners to participate in the sadistic activities.

At its most extreme, sexual sadism involves illegal activities such as rape, torture, and even murder, in which case the death of the victim produces sexual excitement. It should be noted that while rape may be an expression of sexual sadism, the infliction of suffering is not the motive for most rapists, and the victim's pain generally does not increase the rapist's sexual excitement. Rather, rape involves a combination of sex and gaining power over the victim. These individuals need intensive psychiatric treatment and may be jailed for these activities.
----------------------
What Causes Paraphilia?
It is not known for certain what causes paraphilia. Some experts believe it is caused by a childhood trauma, such as sexual abuse. Others suggest that objects or situations can become sexually arousing if they are frequently and repeatedly associated with a pleasurable sexual activity. In most cases, the individual with a paraphilia has difficulty developing personal and sexual relationships with others.

Many paraphilias begin during adolescence and continue into adulthood. The intensity and occurrence of the fantasies associated with paraphilia vary with the individual, and may decrease as the person ages.

One can assume that if one partner enjoys being a slave or slut, and the other partner finds such weird or distasteful, then such a relationship should end right then.

David

Anonymous said...

David,

I recollect that Yu-Kym wrote about her desired role as a Sex Goddess (or something like that)and to have a male sexual slave pandering to a variety of her weird sex wishes or fetishes many too disgusting to list. I wonder whether she has been able to act out these fantasies.

What is your take of her sexual mental state or psyche with regard to her behaviour on this? Don't tell me everyone is allowed his or her own fantasies because I think most would want these fantasies to materialise...just that there isnt that opportunity yet.

Yu-Kym could be waiting just for that if only she can find a suitable sex slave. lol

curious cat

CBS said...

Methinks Yu-kym is looking for true love. The appetite for for sex is but a reflection of a deep yearning for true love.

David said...

CBS,

No doubt Ms. Loh seeks and desires to be loved as much as all of desire such.

That is normal. How deep she goes in being a Sex goddess only Yu-Kym knows.

Some fantasy play grows a couples relationship and promotes emotional health.

CC, I suppose only Yu-Kym can answer your question of whether she keeps a male slave to meet her needs.

David

Anonymous said...

But CBS, who doesnt seek true love..if there is such a thing. But Yu-Kym may already have found her man...deducing from the fact that she took risks during her travels. Which girl in her right mind would take such risks if not for the fact that she actually has a companion with her all along.

My question is if she has indeed this man with her...is she acting out her fantasy as a sex goddess and he playing the male sex slave? Would she be bold, provocative and honest and upfront with us here?

Her appetite for sex is very healthy from her blogs but she is not the type taken in by this thing called true love. She is a cynic like I am. lol

What is interesting to know is her unhealthy sex appetite as sex goddess and her male sex slave. Would she reveal more? lol

curious cat

CBS said...

David,

I think what Yu-Kym needs is a nice man who loves her dearly. Sex without love just satisfies an animal instinct.

It does not feed the soul hungering for love and understanding.

Yu-Kym said...

Too many people are hiding behind the word "love" because they are unable to express their wants and needs. Using "love" or the lack of "love" to explain everything that happens in the world is as seductive as sex.

CBS said...

True love does exist. If not, this life is not worth the living.

CBS said...

You know it's love when you care for the other person as yourself.

David said...

Yu-Kym,

I quite agree with your concise analysis.

I have mentioned before many, the young in particular, mistake youthful hormone driven lust for love. Many think GREAT SEX = LOVE.

Only to find out when the sex gets routine, or time with the person they desire reveals that person to be to quirky or even undesirable beyond great sex.

Perhaps a bf or gf may be an addict, a violent abuser of partners or just an evil individual.

Sex is indeed seductive. Many give into to call and desire that sex offers. A temporary escape from life, with a better high than any drug can offer.

Yet when the reality of the next morning arrives, there is more than withdrawal. Often there sexual remorse for having carnal relations with someone once attained is not the fun and thrill of the chase.

CC, while Yu-kym may have a protector and bf, and she appears to enjoy being treated like a goddess, she is also discreet.

Great lovers, and truly attractive, smart and seductive women, know that discretion with their male companions will keep the attention of such men near and dear.

Trust is so important.

Ask Ms. Loh.

David

Anonymous said...

David,

When one has a blog that professes to be bold, brutal and provocative and also publishes articles on one's own sexual or related experiences, is it unreasonable to expect Yu-Kym to share with us her experiences on being a Sex Goddess with her male sex slave?

By being discreet it means keeping her legions of fans including myself in the dark as to her exploits in her role as a Sex Goddess....is indeed a letdown and an anti-climax. lol

I do not wish to raid too much into her privacy...but surely her public stature and nature of her blogs and articles gives us some entitlement to know some (if not all) of her personal experiences? lol

curious cat

David said...

CC,

Let down by Yu-Kym's ability to be discreet are you!

I believe you just let her know your disappointment.

Yu-Kym is Bold, Brutal and Provocative when expressing her opinions.

To be equally so with her personal affairs however, IMHO, is putting much at risk.

I must add here that there is NO WAY my words here are necessarily opinions shared by Ms. Loh.

Being indiscreet with one personal life can ruin careers and end friendships.

Perhaps if you ask Yu-Kym out for a coffee, tea or lunch information date, you can query her regarding her secretive personal life.

The worse she can tell you is NO.

How big a risk or thrill seeker is Curious Cat?


David

Anonymous said...

LOL David,

Asking Ms Loh out is not at all a risk nor a cheap thrill but it's a bloody waste of time and effort. Not because she is unworthy of the attempt but because she will probably decline.

Being a curious cat, a face to face private meeting with her, getting to know each other would be like hitting a jackpot. I will then be able to prove to all of you that I have been right all along about how I understand almost perfectly how her psyche works, why she behaves the way she does, why she does this or that.

Unless its all showmanship for her blogs, for eg she is definitely a thrill seeker or risk taker as evident by her apparent solitary travel exploits and perhaps some of her sexual experiences or relationships too. What drives her to this extent of adventurism? Wouldnt you like to know if my deductions about her can be confirmed David? lol

She is bold and frank enough to provoke our interest when she shared...let's call it her fantasies or sexual fetishes to be a Sex Goddess brutally punishing her male sex slave...so why not go a little more bolder and provocative and tell us how brutal she has actually been to that poor dog. lol

She may have a boyfriend and it would be interesting to know what and how much of a sex slave this self annointed Sex Goddess had made him out to be. lol

curious cat

CBS said...

I doubt she has a steady boyfriend.

Unless she overcomes her cynicism about true love, it'll sabotage any ongoing relationship from reaching the fruition of marriage.

Yu-Kym said...

The comments have gone off topic. Please stay on topic. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

lol CBS,

It's too bad we cant continue our fascination with Yu-Kym's lovelife. I am not quite sure if she doesnt indeed have a sex slave boyfriend in tow...but if what you said is true and this cannot be ruled off... I fully agree with you that her lofty qualities and personality will sabotage any relationship from fruiting....so it's not necessarily just because of her cyncism about true love, there are other influencing factors as well.

With your last words, perhaps Yu-Kym will allow us to stop there or create a new topic for us to banter about this awesome creation of a woman. lol

curious cat

CBS said...

The teacher says not to stray off course or she ain't gonna give us the grades.

David said...

Yu-Kym,

Have the comments really strayed off topic.

Your faithful readers have mentioned your post where you state your desire to be a sex goddess, and of course a desirable male as your slave.

You have written about fetishes on numerous occasions.

Now CC and CBS have some serious questions for you.

Poor CC has an addict gf, yet you continue to be a complex, desirable women wrapped in mystery.

I have tried to talk CC into asking you out and the he appears to fear hearing NO, as an answer.

Now if Yu-Kym offered to interview Mr. Cat.....

The potential for so much fun is beyond my feeble imagination.


David

Anonymous said...

David, CBS...you are both damn bloody funny ppl with intelligent contributions to boot. lol

curious cat

David said...

CC,

Gee thanks, you will make me blush.

Now it is time to do your part and ASK Yu-Kym out.

Please note that all times I have mentioned or hinted you should ask her for a little time, I cannot remember Ms. Loh ever writing that such a meeting will never happen.

From your comments you should be a great confabulist!

Yu-Kym would only be disappointed if you are a loogan.

Take a chance, and above all, please be kind and discreet.


David

I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief
duty to accomplish small tasks as if they were great and noble.


-- Helen Keller

Anonymous said...

David,

You are also a devious smart aleck you know that? Luring me to be eaten alive by Ms Loh. lol

Instead of always prodding me...why dont you ask Ms Loh to take a chance on me? To help you help meself, I assure her that I will be kind and discreet. I surely am not an idiot and I do just want to talk - not get in between the sheets with her.

How's that David...you be my emissary? I keep away from harm's way. lol

curious cat

Anonymous said...

By the way David,

thanks for introducing two words to me..confabulist and loogan lol

Do you have more?

curious cat

CBS said...

CC,

Charlene (I love this name!)needs to recover the innocent wonder of being in love again.

Get her to lift her sights higher, from a preoccupation with the depths to the glorious region where her heart beats.

Perhaps then she'll find herself, what she has sorely missed all this while.

David said...

CC,

I suppose I an be a bit snarky at times. One reason I enjoy Yu-Kym's posts is her unigue sense of sarcasm.

An emissary for you! I do believ that indirectly you already asked the question.

Now Yu-Kym know's you want to me her for a little talk. Very good start.

That puts your request in MYu-Kym's hands.

CBS, your desire for Yu-Kym to once again know the wonder and innocence of TRUE love is a worthy idea.

Ms. Loh's expressing her thoughts on love, romantic included does appear to be tinged with cycnicism.

The right man, at the right time and place could change everything.

Someday....

David

P.S. CC, when that special date with Yu-Kym occurs, dare not be jejune or the time with SGs most interesting blogger will be cut short.

CBS said...

Sex masquerades as love and acceptance.

A strong sexual drive can be a veiled desperate call, a reaching out for deep longing for love and acceptance.

A preoccupation with sex will skew the mind's perception of what real love is. Or whether it exists beyond a physical union. It can give rise to the twisted belief that love without sex is not true love; that love by itself cannot be fulfilling.

Talk to prostitutes long enough and you'll see that they get this boundary between love and sex all blurred.

Anonymous said...

Charlene! Wow!

CBS, how did you come across this other name of Yu-Kym? I vaguely remember David uttering this name too...if I am not wrong...and thereafter didnt think too much of it.

But now that u have brought the name up...I too agree with you that this lovely person with this lovely name has a sad and lonely lovelife or the lack of it. Your insights about her is spot-on!

I think this may be one of the reasons she is into risk taking...it's like I've got no one to love...not even a pet dog..so what the heck...what is there to live for..day by day I am getting older...and David's loogans everywhere...oh..where have all the Davids, CBSes gone...oh they have been taken...so nothing left for me....why not go walk the edge...at least I am doing something with my life and drawing some deeply missed attention and affection from my blog fans.

By the way, are we all inviting her ire by going off topic again? Should we let her off this psychoanalysis of her heart, mind and perhaps Sex Goddess body too? lol

curious cat

Anonymous said...

David,

I hope you are right because we all (I believe CBS included) wish her the best man for her to find genuine love...and not the other way round for Yu-Kym because with her risky solitary travel exploits - wrong man, wrong place, wrong time could change everything too!

Someday...

curious cat

Anonymous said...

David,

I definitely will not be jejune (thanks, your vocab is very “powderful”). In fact I have a whole list of subject matter to ask her which will put a lot of topnotch media correspondents and talkshows to shame.

That is not to say that one has to be obsessive to the point of being rude and uncouth. That would reflect on curious cat if he is ungentlemanly. No way that going to happen especially if Yu-Kym is the lady that I believe her to be.

Nevertheless, my questions will of course have to be sufficiently penetrating to get into any reasonable depth of insights into her mind, her experiences (past and present) her emotions and her body. Her fans including your goodself and CBS demands no less from curious cat and will put me to the sword if I fail to probe and deliver. My pseudonym will not be curious anymore...it will be much worse lol

In fact the only reason SGs most interesting blogger will cut short the interview is when she refused to back up her bold, provocative and brutally honest tagline. She will lose her credibility if she is evasive or declines to answer reasonable but obviously uncomfortable and sarcastic questions.

The setting for the interview will be like a 1st date with a most attractive and desirable woman. Pick up and drop off service at her door-step(even if the evening turns ugly with tiger fights however impossible this may be lol). Off to a 5-star setting. Wonderful ambience in a reasonably quiet, private, romantic and luxurious environment. Fine dining and of course some expensive bubbly to spike up the evening or rather loosen the tongue. lol I also have a discreet recorder ready to capture every tantalising word.

So hows that?

David, at this initial stage, I cant do much more to persuade her royal highness Sex Goddess! Dont ask me to throw in the sex slave bit to entice her ok? lol

curious cat

David said...

CC,

The stage is set. Yu-Kym is back in SG. No reading this thread and likely laughing at all the speculation and perhaps holding back on any action.

CBS, you evaluation of Ms. Loh's strong sex drive is well written.
I trust you have read Yu-Kym's previous post on sex and sex related topics.

CC, if you purchased Yu-Kym's book the title includes her full name.

"Sex Education 201: Penis Matters, Orgasms and Oral Sex:
Loh Yu-Kym Charlene"

David

CBS said...

I think Charlene (music to my ears) will make a good wife as I do not see her as somebody demanding. But reasonable and sensible.

Nevertheless, her insecurity makes her a controller. So the guy must put in much effort to make her feel secure.

Her overindulgence in sex is just a reactive facade to convince herself that she is still desirable to men. It is her antidote to a flagging self-esteem as age advances and the perception that, with it, the opportunity of marriage fades.

Once she's convinced that a guy truly loves her, her focus on sex will gradually be toned down.

As I've said before, her chief desire is for love. Not sex.

Anonymous said...

CBS,

For the most part you are right about Yu-Kym except that I think she is naturally great in bed and have a high sex drive...not as a result of her attempt to compensate for her deficiencies.

But she is indeed seeking love and yes in vain too if she continues her obstinate and rigid ways. She will make a good wife too except that she will be hard put to find a husband that can put up with her strong personality. It will take a class man to be able to win her so much so that she will let him dominate her... and not the other way round.

Yes too her insecurity prompted her to behave in extreme ways. But if she is about sex...I trust she is great sex!!!

You have an uncannily accurate and astute reading of Yu-Kym, CBS!

curious cat

Anonymous said...

David,

As soon as Yu-Kym agrees to our date, I will be trawling her blogsite and selecting morsels of hot topics from which I will squeeze out every ounce of tantalising juice off Yu-Kym.

With deference to you and CBS too, I will humbly request you guys to feel free to let me know what else in your devious minds you have that you may want me to put to her. And I am pretty sure there are fanatical fans out there who crave for even more disgusting intimate details about Yu-Kym lol I will do my best not to disappoint but will of course require the Sex Goddess's total cooperation.

I will then compile a quick brief of the "inquisition" for Yu-Kym so that she may come prepared with detailed information for our nice chat. Let's be fair to her....I dont want to pick her up at her doorstep and find a bundle of nerves or get her on the defensive. It's after all a date with a slight difference - a one sided get to know about her! It's easy on me coz it's not about me trying to impress her. I just need to provide her with a cozy secure non-threatening environment to coax her to her most bold, provocative and brutally honest self lol

curious cat

Anonymous said...

That whore! Finally caught her red-handed (well almost!) sleeping with another man. She couldnt refute the circumstancial evidence. She didnt return home till Sunday the next day at 2pm. Spent the Saturday nite prior only she knows where and with whom. And didnt or couldnt provide a verifiable alibi for her whereabouts. I am now a single male. Ended our 10yr relationship and co-habitiation immediately last nite after several days of arguments. She can sell herself all she wants now to feed her gambling needs.

Damn...her habit!

curious cat

David said...

CC,

This had to happen.

No doubt your feelings for this women were real. However her addictions ruin relationships.

Until and addict admits to the problem there is nothing another can do to help.

Events finally caught up with the both of you.

Your path forward is clear.

You know Yu-Kym is unattached.

Now you can discreetyly invite her out!

David

Anonymous said...

David,

I am in no mood to date anyone now. That includes Yu-Kym. I will be a monstrous date. I am going through a terrible withdrawal syndrome.

I still suspect Yu-Kym has a boyfriend accompanying her during her holidays on account of her "risks" during her travels. How else can one explain her stupid bravado for such an intelligent girl?

By the way David, how does one "discreetly" invite Charlene Loh Yu-Kym out on date?

curious cat

David said...

CC,

The you are feeling is not unexpected. It appears that you and the ex-gf had a co-dependency.

Time will help you heal, however if you have access to any type of counseling or know any type of religous cleric, such people can help one look at such failed relations for lessons to be learned a path forward.

About asking Charlene Loh Yu-Kym out discreetly, that's easy.

Yu-Kym will read this post before she post it.

Ms. Loh has your email and when
Yu-Kym reads this I am suggesting she send you a PM to establish contact. Be aware Yu-Kym might ask to so sign a non-disclosure agreement if she goes out with you.

From what Yu-Kym has written, she an adventurous type of women. Being a diver and mountian climber shows she does not shy away from risk.

So to Yu-Kym, once CC is over the worsts part of the big break up, do consider a short meeting with him.

CC, as mentioned, that was easy.

Now comes the hard part.

Again do make an effort to talk to more than other male friends who will sympathize with you but offer no real useful advice, and no paying some one to beat the ex-gf is not worth the effort as the ex-gf is in enough trouble and more than even CC really knows.

Let the adventure begin!

David

Anonymous said...

Noted David.

curious cat

Anonymous said...

Only short weeks being single and unattached and I already have interested parties lining up to apply for hook-ups! Wow!! I didnt know that it was so easy to get away from being down and miserable.

The only problem is I worry I dont know how to date again. Sigh. What the heck, with my attributes, it should be a cinch after the first butterflies. lol

curious cat

David said...

CC,

Forgotten how to date?

Keep you approach honest and simple. Do not even think of trying to have sex on you first date with anyone!!!!

CC, do not over-rate your attributes. Humility and honesty are the best approach.

I would be in a similar situation if anything ever happened to my beloved wife.

Being much older would limit my ability to find any partner, let alone someone with similar interest.

Yu-Kym, now that Mr. CC is unattached, how about giving him an hour of two of your time?

One cannot go back, so going forward into the unknown must be embraced.

David

Anonymous said...

Thanks for your advice David. Wise ones indeed.

When I talk in this forum, i gloat. But in reality up front with my date, I am as humble as you David. I dont even think about having sex on the first date although in this forum, whats wrong with gloating about it lol It's like a hypocrite in a good wise way. lol

Yu-Kym got not time for me lah David. I also never heard of signing a non-disclosure form. I thought its understood whatever happens during a date with Yu-Kym, stays with us?

curious cat

David said...

CC,

Our personal styles are different, and that is to be expected.

I hold out hope that the spirit of adventure and thrill of the new and unknown will motivate Yu-Kym to contact you and arrange some time togehter.

That being said, if such ever happens, this site would be the last to inform the world.

David

Anonymous said...

haha David,

I think it's best stop trying to pair Yu-Kym on a date with me. It will not work. Dont waste your time but it was fun teasing. lol

curious cat

Anonymous said...

Alas, only the first four comments were on topic.

What would I do if I discover my partner has such preferences?

It very likely would not happen. Because we would have discussed these preferences before I would even consider committing to her. It's essential for me that my partner is a good fit physically, emotionally, mentally and sexually. Same for her I hope.

Everyone likes to do sex differently. Just because you discover your partner has submissive tendencies does not mean you should change your preferences to accommodate him. If you were already dominant, well and good. If you're like most women, you might be sort of happy on the outside, but you'll also be very unhappy sexually.

If these things are really important to you, communicate them before committing to a person in a relationship. It's only fair for the both of you. If you find out only later, it just means you two weren't ready for the relationship at that point and did not love enough to care to reveal yourselves to each other.

@Feb 5, 2012 1826
Why should sex be just about him? It's mutual enjoyment. If she really wants him at all cost, sure. If not, just move on already.

@Feb 6, 2012 1216; 1744
It doesn't have to be a coping mechanism for something beneath the surface. It could just be a preference. There are not always reasons for everything. It could be just the way he is, it could be his family, it could be the environment he grew up in. It doesn't matter. Communicate, compromise, then decide.