My relationship status and the meaning of love

21
There was a long exchange of speculation about my relationship status in the comments of my recent post. I didn't bother to read the long paragraphs because I know my own relationship status :D

To set the record straight, no, I am not attached. I have made plans to live the rest of my life without being married. Should I meet someone suitable, that's great. Life goes on anyway, with or without men, boys and dogs.

I just keep doing the things that I love to do: travel, dive, run, write, read, cook, etc. If I were to opt to spend the rest of my life with someone, the person must have a few similar interests; I cannot expect the person nor be myself expected to change drastically. If I do meet someone along the way, that's a bonus. If not, at least I would have spent my time doing things which I enjoy. True, I may get bored or lonely sometimes but boredom can be comforting and more desirable than anxiety and trouble.

To set straight another point, I am not looking for the feeling of being in "love". I don't give a shit about romantic fantasy love the way the media makes it out to be. That is for the naive. The love I believe in is about responsibility, reliability, patience, kindness, self-love, self-denial, acceptance and understanding. Like the love that I share with my parents, love isn't a "thing" that is perfect. If we really believe that love can last forever, shouldn't we believe that love is a journey, an adventure which has no destination?

21 comments:

David said...

Yu-Kym,

Happy you noticed the great discussion over your relationship status.

I hope you get some warm fuzzy's over the fact so many, beyond your family, actaully appear to care about you.

CBS appears to make some very interesting insights. While CBS's thoughts are pure speculation, I will for his sake, assume he has read into your archived post.

Now curious cat really wants to meet you in you person. Call it a date if you choose. But now that your faithful readers know you are not in a relatioship, the only question for you is will you entertain CC for an afternoon coffee, tea, luncheon or dinner?

CC seems quite intimidated by your blog persona. Your bold and often provocative take no prisoner means of expressing your thoughts apparently more than impresses CC.

So do let CC know if you can grant him an audience.

He has been forwarned that any indiscretion, ninnyhammerish or pecksniffianon behviour his part will not be approved of by any of YOUR loyal readers. Of course we hope you would report such to all of us.

Me thinks such a meeting should be fun at the very least.

After all, such a meeting should be a good deal safe than climbing a mountian or a 75 foot scuba dive.



David

Anonymous said...

then how do u resolve ur needs

Anonymous said...

1) Don't we wish we'd like to know what Yu-Kym really "knows" about her relationship status? What brought her to that status and why she prefers to remain there?

2) Don't we wish to know why at such a young nubile age (between 25 to 30?) she has already made plans to live a life of singlehood?

3) When she is bored and lonely, dont we wish to know how she satisfies her physical needs? Obviously we dont want to know that she collects stamps, do gardening, rear fishes!

4) Don't we wish to know too what led her to "don't give a shit" about feelings of love and romance? And in my opinion, her definition of love is so common sensically pragmatic and true but don't we wish to know too why she thinks a little naivety in love and romance is so deplorable and unbeneficial and to be frowned upon? What were her past experience that may have led her to this path of cynicism? Why is she an all or nothing in love and romance?

Wow so many things to know about her and so little time (just one evening with her) and non-existent opportunity so far! I am aware that if Yu-Kym gives me this rare chance, I may be the select few (or even the 1st?) to be able to "date" her for our intended purpose. I shall therefore not be a ninnypeckhammersniff! lol But I cant be too discreet or else we will all emerge none the wiser from the outcome of my date with her! heh

curious cat

Paul said...

Well said. Perhaps as a woman, your perception is you have more to lose than you have to gain in a country like Singapore where your rights as a woman are assured.

I guess so long you are not anti-marriage, you should do fine cos I do have one or two guy friends who are dead against marriage, to which I reply to them that their only destiny left for them is well, to die alone.

Anonymous said...

David,

I have an axe to grind with you (albeit a blunt axe for I wish you no harm and the axe is just in jest) lol

It is interesting that you labelled CBS's "diagnosis" of Yu-Kym's behaviour towards love and relationship as pure speculation. Just as you did often times my take on Yu-Kym on the same subjects. Pure speculation my bull!!! These are considered views arising from our experience and proven accurate judgement of people and their behaviour.

You go for a job interview and your prospective employer tells you what he thinks of your personality, attitudes, character and your experience..and you try telling him his judgement of you is "pure speculation"! lol

Except for the subject of religion, on all subjects of love and relationships, intimacy and sex... you tend to give Yu-Kym so much benefit of the doubt, and you are mostly kind and uncritical of her that you appear to be her crony or slave! Are you so beholden to her or afraid to incurr her wrath that you cant be more blunt? lol

curious cat

David said...

Yu-Kym and all reading this.

I found that children in their simple view of the world often have the easiest to understand answers, that can be surprisingly profound.

"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth." [Billy - age 4]

"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving
cologne and they go out and smell each other." [Karl - age 5]

"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your
French fries without making them give you any of theirs." [Chrissy -
age 6]

"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired." [Terri - age 4]

"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK." [Danny - age
7]

"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of
kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss" [Emily -
age 8]

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop
opening presents and listen." [Bobby - age 7] (Wow!)

"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend
who you hate," [Nikka - age 6] (we need a few million more Nikka's
on this planet)

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it
everyday." [Noelle - age 7]

"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still
friends even after they know each other so well." [Tommy - age 6]

"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I
looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and
smiling.?He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore."
[Cindy - age 8]

"My Mommy loves me more than anybody .?You don't see anyone else
kissing me to sleep at night." [Clare - age 6]

"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken." [Elaine-
age 5]

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he
is handsomer than Robert Redford." [Chris - age 7]

"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him
alone all day." [Mary Ann - age 4]

"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old
clothes and has to go out and buy new ones." [Lauren - age 4]

Keep it simple and do not overthing or worry about love.

Love will find most of us when we least expect to be smitten.

Happy Valentine's Day to all!

David

Yu-Kym said...

Paul, I don't think women in Singapore are assured any "rights". There's job discrimination against women, pregnant women get fired but we can't sue for compensation.

Marriage is just a legal agreement (though people make it out to be more than that). I'm not against it. Even if someone gets married, they may still die alone!

David, it is impossible for a person to merely read what I write on the blog and know me through and through or even guess 10% of what drives me.

Anonymous said...

Paul,

May I ask you why if one spurns marriage, must he or she necessarily die alone?

If marriage is just a piece of official paper proclaiming legality to a couple cohabiting and having children, why cant a couple cohabit with each other and even have children without that piece of paper?

Except for laws of civil society and perhaps religion, where else is there in this world that tells one with such incredible truth and unarguable righteousness that the marriage certificate is the be all and end all? That without one, the couple is undoubtedly and surely condemned and doomed?

curious cat

David said...

Yu-Kym,

100% agreement with you!

No one can possibly think they know you just from reading your words here.

I have had the privledge of sharing email exchanges for some time, and will tell anyone reading here, that only time and effort along with the right personal chemistry will allow anyone to get to know the real Yu-Kym.

I believe you have written about discovering more nuances about yourself as part of growing as an individual.

So what remains is for you to let Curios Cat know if you are willing to grant him some time with you.

My journey of self discovery goes on most every day. I am fortunate to share that journey with the love of a wonderful women.

To Ms. Loh and all reading, value each day, every friend, each new face one meets today, tomorrow and beyond.

Keep a smile ready for the next person you meet!

David

Anonymous said...

Yu-Kym,

Yes, it is ridiculous for anyone to proclaim that by simply reading your blogs, one will know you through and through.

But let's not neglect the fact that you have just not written one article in your blogs. You have contributed countless articles, many of them sharing your thoughts, your feelings, your emotions, aspirations, wants, desires etc.

I presume your blogs have always attempted to live up to your proclaimed bold, provocative and brutually honest tagline.

If that is so, all that you have shared with us must somehow provide enough fodder for anyone with sufficient acumen, intelligence and experience to form a decent picture of the real you. Not 100% through and through! But sufficiently enough to be able to generate interesting intelligent analysis and debate.

The more you write, the more we know. The more you talk, the more we know. The more one sees you behave, the more one sees your actions and responses, the more one knows about you. Just like the more I contribute to your blogs, the more you know about me. How I write, what I say, how I respond to you is ME!!!

Unless you have all along been leading us on with blogshitting! If that is the case, I can understand because its a marketing ploy. How else can one keep one's blog interesting and alive?

So which is which Yu-Kym? Are you blogging the truth about yourself or are they all Yu-Kym's hollywood?

Dont worry, your bold brutal truth will not hurt us nor will we blame you coz if one is stupid enough to be led round Yu-Kym's bush, why blame the leader?

curious cat

Paul said...

To all,

I think I should clarify. If you are single, it is 100% assured you will die alone. If you are married, I guess the chances of you dying alone is lesser except for special circumstances such as yr spouse dying before you.

Employers operate on the basis of WIIFM so it is not just pregnant women who lose out. Single mums do not have as many rights and benefits as legally married women as well.

Paul said...

Yu Kym,

I beg to differ.

Women scream harass and they immediately get attention. Everyone assumes the man is at fault. Believe me that the Woman's Charter takes care of women here very well. They take plum jobs, secure high salary and some are even in positions of power in Parliament.

I think we guys have to buck up instead cos there are many jobs which we can't take up in comparison.

David said...

Paul,

I must take you to task for being harsh.

If Yu-Kym chooses to live alone, that does not mean she will die alone, unless that is her preference. Some people do not want family or friends around them during thier last hours for reasons known only to the individual.

Most people however do prefer to be with family and friends.

Yu-Kym has family and friends.

No doubt she will continue to make new friends as she continues through life.

From what Yu-kym has written she appears to be level headed when evaluating whether a person should be meausured by the merit of their work.

She has posted articles that reveal situations where people use connections wrongly to furhter improve a job, or business plan.

To a point that is the role ones personal network helps one achieve.

David

Anonymous said...

David,

Or course we all must respect Yu-Kym's wishes to live alone or even die alone. Obviously she also have friends - she does not seem to be the unsociable sort. Just that she is selective and careful of who she wants to socialise regularly with. It's perfectly understandable.

Yu-Kym for the most part is also very level-headed and rationale in many things including sex, love and relationships as evident in her blogs.

But what is good or normal behaviour on her part is not what interests me. What interests me are the occasional juicy bits of info she blogs about when she goes off tangent. Like her Sex Goddess and sex slave desires, her travel extremities, her broken past relationships that result now in her lofty ideals and often times uncomprising, obstinate/rigid attitudes in choosing a mate, her off-mainstream views on religion, god and marriage, her high affinity towards fengshui and the likes which are mostly at odds with her pragmatism in life,etc etc

I havent the time to read all her blogs but if I do have an incentive or purpose to do so, I am sure I will find time to for them and dig out more bits of oddness in her that's not in synch with her mostly down-to-earth practical common sensical self.

Doesnt she make an interesting specimen for in-depth dissection?

curious cat

Paul said...

David,

I am not targeting Yu Kym. If you have no kin at the point of death, you indeed have to die alone.

Maybe I sounded harsh because I attended a funeral wake on 14 Feb...

David said...

All,

Some years ago my parents and my wife's parents passed on. At one time of another one of the spousal parents lived alone afte the passing of their mate.

Yu-Kym is like so many young women. While growing and young a good education offers the promise of a good job. Living in SG gives most educated women with any skill and ambition a chance to thrive.

Yu-Kym is not only ambitous, she is also talented, a creative writer, someone who can take ideas and beliefs and give them a merry ride in her unique interpretations.

The reason this discussion goes on is because Yu-Kym is SUCH an interesting, attractive, alluring and demanding women.

No doubt Ms. Loh enjoys reading all these males discussing her merits, our male POVs and much dithering about when her sexuality enters a discussion.

Onward CC!

David

Paul said...

Yup, David...Yu-Kym can make our noses bleed...:P

CBS said...

What's all this wish of not dying alone? You mean you people want somebody to die with you? LOL!

CBS said...

The one thing that impressed me about Charlene is that she's not malicious. Or petty. She's the pragmatic type that calls a spade a spade.

Just treat her with respect like you would the fairer sex. And with gentleness. And not superimpose your crude fantasy on her as a life-sized toy to serve your male ego in bed.

She'll be ok.

David said...

Paul,

Yu-Kym makes your nose bleed!

Hmmm....need to think about that statement.

In the meanwhile apply gentle pressure to the bleeding side until the bleeding stops...

;-)

David

Paul said...

David,

Think out of the box...She can make us bleed by giving us a good punch. Hahahaha...