"Let's meet for dinner when you're free"

That was the last conversation I had with my friend in December when I informed him about my book launch. But we didn't get to meet. He passed away on Saturday from unnatural causes. I shall not speculate or discuss in public how he died because I have no idea.

Ever so often, we tell our friends that we'll get together when we're both available. But how often does that happen, if at all?

I couldn't attend the prayers before his cremation today because I'd just started a new job and have to work on a big project. I believe that funerals are more for the living than for the dead. Only by seeing his body will people believe that someone is truly gone. I've not seen his body and I still wonder whether he's really gone or not.

I remember the last thing I did for him: I got a taxi to courier a packet of fried rice with a packet of Marlboro Menthol hidden underneath when he spent a night in IMH. I paid the taxi driver the full fare. The driver asked me, "Is the fried rice here that nice that your friend asked for it?" I said my friend was really hungry but didn't tell him about the hidden cigarettes - which was the purpose of the mission.

Although it's not my style to encourage smoking and it was close to midnight, I did as he asked.

If he's able to speak to me now (but I believe that when we die we're just dead and gone), I know he would want to tell me his story so that I can write it for others to learn from.

Here are my previous posts about him:
Drinking problems
Exercise, not love, changes everything

He was good to me. He's gone now. I'm sad.


David said...


My condolences on your friends passing.

Un-Natural causes??
That usually means an accident or what goes by the term foul play, aka- murder.

You are right that funerals are for the living. This is how we humans keep the memory of someone who passed alive. My older brother, and my parents passed away many years ago. Yet I can recall conversations, holidays and special times with all them.

Who I am and how I got here I owe a great deal to my parents.

I trust you BIG project will be successful and that success will get your talents noticed!


Grace isn't a little prayer you chant before receiving a meal.
It's a way to live.

-- Jackie Windspear

Bing said...

I agreed and have the same thinking that funeral is for the living, not for the dead.

True, once you are dead, you cease to exist. That is basic science.

Anyway, next time, don't encourage anyone to smoke.

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

If I have an extremely special friend and he is in the same boat as yours desperate for a smoke or a drink, I would have also done what he requested. Except that I wont be sneaking a whole packet but perhaps several sticks.

But what you did for him showed lots of compassion and goodness weighed in with a lot of common sense.

Dont be too sad for too long. When we pass away, we are no more. Funeral wakes are a waste of time and resources.

Refocus quickly on your new project. Good luck!

silli cat

Gnali said...

You have a kind heart Kym, to do that for your friend.

Life is short.
Life after this life is LONG. Very long.

We can choose to go to either the SMOKING or non-smoking section.

Read between the lines.

Anonymous said...


sorry, silli cat being silli catches no ball.

pls explain?

silli cat

David said...


While your friends unexpected passing is sad.

I read your previous post you about this friend, and he created a self-fullfilling prophecy, he died younger rather than older.

The will and desire to live, to enjoy each day, embracing every moment with loved ones and friends, an unquenchable desire to learn more are hallmarks of people who remain vital long into seniour years.

That is my goal!

I trust that with work being busy and this unfortunate event, that you have kept a level head.


God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him.

-- John Piper

Gnali said...

Silli Cat:

Life after this life: you will STILL EXIST in another life after your life on earth is over.

Smoking Section: Hell
Non-smoking: Heaven

Make the choice when you are still alive on earth.