Accepting blame = Taking responsibility?

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Taking responsibility is not the same as accepting blame.

For example, you see lots of rubbish thrown along the corridor. You don't know who did it but after 3 days of looking at the rubbish, you decided to do the responsible thing and clean up the mess because it's a fire-hazard. Another neighbour saw you clearing the mess. He then scolded you for making the mess. Nobody would believe that you'd clean up after someone else.

People always assume that you're to blame if you take action to fix a problem.

If you have a disagreement with someone and you take action to fix the relationship, the other person usually assumes that you are admitting that you were wrong.


Accepting blame is not the same as taking responsibility.

Just because you say "it's my fault" doesn't mean you are taking responsibility. I have an ex-boyfriend who doesn't mind taking the blame. When the waiter brings us the wrong food, he'll say it's his fault for ordering wrongly (even if he didn't). When we have misunderstandings or miscommunication, he would say it's his fault for saying things opposite to what he meant or forgetting to tell me something. Great, right? Not really.

Because his idea about how to prevent future misunderstandings or miscommunication is for me to always double-check with him and remind him, thus, with a sleigh of hands, he managed to make me responsible for all misunderstandings and miscommunication!


Taking responsibility is taking real action on your part.
Blame gets us no where. Responsibility is all that matters.

4 comments:

David said...

Yu-Kym,

You are absolutley correct.

Far to many people are into blaming others for their shortcomings.

Taking responsibility for ones own actions is one mark of a mature individual.

Such maturity does not come automatically with age. Some 10 year olds are more responsible than 30 or 40 year old adults.

David

Love begins when the needs of someone else become more important
than your own.


-- Lao Wei

Anonymous said...

Yu-Kym,

You have to learn that sometimes good intentions dont get appreciated in life. Sometimes worse things happen to good samaritans too. Being too good a person in life is actually not a virtue but foolish.

The right thing to do is to get the proper authorities to clear up the mess.

The person who very promptly assumes that you are wrong and the responsible culprit when you took action to fix the relationship should be clear signal enough to you that this person is not someone to associate further with. You are lucky you found this out.

When a person says its his fault when he is actually not at fault is usually a person who is confusing, unreliable, shifty and untrustworthy. A relationship cannot have strong stable foundation when there is a constant need to interprete the other's actions or words. Fortunately he's an ex-boyfriend.

Take responsibility and blame only when it is yours to take. Blame when it is appropriate to do so does get you somewhere. Not blaming when it is right thing to do means you will always end up the loser in life.

Responsibility also means being fair to yourself. If you dont look after yourself first, who will look after you?

silli cat

Yu-Kym said...

silli cat, I have been in situations where good DEEDS get punished! I don't regret doing them because I did what was right. But once bitten, twice shy.

Yu-Kym said...

David, I agree with you. One example, as written in my previous post (http://yu-kym.blogspot.com/2011/02/does-this-tempt-you.html), is the 45-year old man who is charged for statutory rape but blames his wife for it.