Failing to have children is failure in life?

Logically speaking, I wouldn't want children. Emotionally, I have no curiosity about the "joys of motherhood" - which is a phrase used to make women feel better about their loose-hanging skin, sagging breasts and lack of sleep. Childbirth is painful (women can even die from it) and child-rearing is time-, energy- and financially-intensive.

"You don't know about love until you have children."
So we're supposed to have children to learn about love?

"Your life will never be the same."
Ya, I know!

"You don't know what you're missing."
Well, neither do you!

Those phrases sound like some conspiracy to lure child-less people into the loose-bellied, cash-strapped, sleep-deprived club!

I read somewhere that having children is more of a biological need than an emotional one. What is the purpose of life? I can't answer this question on an emotional level but every species' basic purpose of life is to reproduce and ensure survival of its own kind.

I don't need a child to make me feel good about myself or to give myself a reason for living. But somehow I feel that I have failed biologically if I don't have children to carry on my genes.

However, if the human species - the homosapien - manages to survive, and my existence contributes in some way other (other than by direct reproduction) to its survival, then we as a species would have succeeded in its purpose. This brings me to my next question: is reproduction detrimental to the long-term survival of our species?

Studies suggest that the earth might not be able to sustain the growth in our population. Perhaps the best thing we can do for our species is not to reproduce!

Related post:
[How many children do you want?]


Anonymous said...

Who can say a woman will only be complete if she has children or has experienced childbirth?

How complete can a woman be if she has children not because she wants to but she is obligated or duty bound to and remains unhappy or even worse unable to fulfill an honest mother's role to her children?

So although I say that to have children is the most obvious and natural thing a woman can do, if it makes her unhappy, it isnt worth to be so called "complete" then!

Same goes with singlehood vs maritalhood.

curious cat

David said...


The comments you provide that show both sides of having children as the means for being a complete women have been part of public discussion for years.

Nearly all of your statements are the last line of defense used by single women and childless couples.

Such comments miss the issue almost entirley.

The reason for having children is love Having children outside of marriage due to failure to use birthcontrol results in far to many abortions.

You touch upon the biological reason for Children,
"...the human species - the homosapien - manages to survive, and my existence contributes in some way other (other than by direct reproduction) to its survival, then we as a species would have succeeded in its purpose.

Human population is expected to stabilize at 7 billion. This is due to declining birthrates world-wide.

The term total fertility rate is used to describe the total number of children the average women in a population is likely to have based on current birth rates throughout her life. The number, which ranges from more than 7 children per woman in developing countries in Africa to around 1 child per woman in Eastern European and highly-developed Asian countries.

In developed countries, the necessary replacement rate is about 2.1. Since replacement can not occur if a child does not grow to maturity and have their own offspring, the need for the extra .1 child (a 5% buffer) per woman is due to the potential for death and those who choose or are unable to have children. In less developed countries, the replacement rate is around 2.3 due to higher childhood and adult death rates.

Read more:

This is purley anecdotal; children provide the greatest joy to parents and others as a reflection of the parents love. I have found joy and happiness almost beyond description when my younge nieces and nephews greet me, want me to play with them and then when I least expect, they hug me or jump onto my lap and tell me they love me!

I said it before, love is the best reason for having children.

A loving family unit truly completes a man and women!

Happy New Year to all!


Many promising reconciliations have broken down because, while
both parties came prepared to forgive, neither party came
prepared to be forgiven.

-- Charles Williams

Anonymous said...

Maybe when we grow old, we would like a piece of ourselves to be living on in this world before our death.

It is, in our subconscious will, a path towards immortality.

Anonymous said...

Practically, not having children causes your reproductive system to go haywire during menopause.

You might have cysts, cancers etc. because the system has never been used.

Do more research on the topic for more details!

Anonymous said...

Unless we are famous in one way or another, it is very unlikely that we will be remembered. If at all, we will be remembered only for a short time and the rest of the world will carry on with their busy lives. The dead is nothing.

So I think all the fuss about leaving a legacy, a piece of ourselves, immortality, a line of descendants etc are all over nothing.

We should live life only for now and once we are gone, we are gone. That's it. Nobody really cares.

curious cat

Anonymous said...

Kim and curious cat may have a point in telling everyone that hey! Its alright to be single after all.But forgetting and missing the point for having a children by comparing to statistics and scientific language is also not a good point.Humans are here for existence to solve problems.If you are telling me in managing population would be a good help.Then why famous people are appreciate so much are coming from a populated and dense area the bronx and ghetto or from poor countries.Mariah Carey,Michael Jordan,Tiger Woods,Hollywood Actors,and Models around the world.That it ever occur to you that although Singapore is affluent country fails to produce players and athletes or celebrity or fashioned stars or icons around the world which are appreciated.Truly though wealth is not the measurement for life.That is a really a question of life.Life is pain and u must dig deep to yourself how far can u go?

benji said...

Exactly, Yu-Kym.

The earth might be overcrowded one day. Even worse, it might trigger the spread of some infectious diseases which might lead to the downfall of the human population.

Probably, the same thing happened to the dinosaurs.

Let us not reproduce!

David said...


Your post is depressing, but fortunaley also wrong, see my post and follow the link.


Anonymous said...

aiyoyo, reproduce also wrong coz we cant go on with billions and billions of ppl consuming more and more of resources. Dont reproduce also wrong cause we cannot sustain a world with our economic fundamentals where everything feeds on everything or the lack of it will cause everything to go tumbling down too.

So just let the world carry on, be merry lah. Whatever we do will never be enough to stop the path down to our oblivion someday.

So why not just live for today. It's not as though we will live for another century when the world will come to an end. We cant stop mankind's own follies. It's in our nature.

God made us to self-destruct someday down the road. keke

curious cat

David said...


Another depressing post!

YK, you gotta talk with CeC's GF.
The gf has to be a little kinder to CeC.

It appears his Christmas spririt has got up and left the building.


Fact is Singaporeans are not reproducing enough children to maintain a stable population.

A few more post like this and I will need a strong adult beverage, maybe two.....


It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not.

~Author Unknown

Anonymous said...

David, you make me laugh.

Of course Singaporeans need to replace themselves and more. But my partner and I think we need not answer our nation's call. We are happy as we are...a twosome. Selfish in a way but its also irresponsible if we bring in a newborn into the world and not prepared to go the distance with him or her.

I dont believe in Xmas and whatever festivities. Everyday is a celebration to me. David, I will drink to and with you anytime.

curious cat

David said...


Just re-read your latest comment.

Admiting to not being ready to care for children is okay. No couple can completly prepare for for raising another human for 20+ years.

"We are happy as we are...a twosome. Selfish in a way...

Happiness as a couple and being selfish as a couple also indicates that the relationship does not appear to have legs for enduring for long.

Loving another, whether a spouse or child challenges most adults to be far less selfish and self-centered.

Children raised from parents that never move beyond such an immature phase of development as a human, are frequently messed up children and grow into messed up adults.

Of course this is only IMHO!


The beautiful thing about this adventure called faith is that we
can count on Him never to lead us astray.

-- Charles R. Swindoll

Anonymous said...

True David all that you said.

Selfish couples do have their pitfalls. But we would rather be the happiest couple for a relatively shorter time rather than a moderately or less happy couple for a longer time. So we are selfish. lol

We also dont want another eg a child to come in between our happiest times together. Again selfish. lol

And because we are a selfish couple caring only for our happiness, if we have children they would only be messed up learning all the selfishness from us. We dont want that to happen, so we dont want them. lol

So we are proud to be selfish in these circumstances.

silly cat