What do you look for in a relationship?

Some people got upset when I wrote about [why women should marry rich guys and generous men] and that [women shouldn't be scammed into sharing the cost of dates].

I've been criticised and even "cursed" for not lowering my standards to accept guys who have no money, no personal grooming, no intelligence, no personality, no action talk only (NATO), etc. [Read: My dream guy]

Let's start off with the basic purpose of relationships.

“We look for relationships that make us better people,” says Gary Lewandowski, PhD, associate professor of psychology at Monmouth University USA, “and we’re looking for partners who’ll be able to improve who we are.”

Do you agree with this statement?

I do.
I would like to know whether anyone disagrees with this statement before I continue.


David said...


The idea, ...look for relationships that make us better people, is likely the main force behind successful, stable, and happy long term relationships.

One only has to look at relationships based on soley looking for better monetary status or simple better sex.

Looking to better oneself by picking a partner who will enable such is an excellent way to look at building a great relationship.


When you come to the end of all the light you know,and it's time to step into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things will happen: Either you will be given
something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.

-- Edward Teller

Anonymous said...

Perhaps you are being misunderstood by others when you spell out Rich. There are many in between 'no money' and 'rich'. While I support your view that those with 'no money' should not be gone after. Those in between are safe

boh.tak.chek. said...

You did mention "dream" guy right ? Thats why he seems so hard to measure up to: rich, handsome, caring blah blah blah...

You probably touched some raw nerve with insecure guys lah, that's why. If they dislike u for speaking up, why do they,ironically,habitually read ur blog anyway ?

Nothing wrong with wanting certain attributes in someone you're gonna share the rest of ur life with. Gotta be careful, you know ? Just that these type of guys, a bit hard to find lah.

Anonymous said...

That statement seems to have some from one of the Lewisky clan!

And typical of those stupid simpletons, its coverage is far too narrow. He might have bought his PhD on-line as is so common in the States.

A relationship is not only to improve ourselves but for many many other things.
Eg. Can you have a relationship with one who you can't get along or one with common interests?

Yu-Kym said...

Anon, having a relationship with someone who has common interests means that the person might feel better to having a companion than being alone, both can further their interests by practising and learning. These are self-improvement.

Would anyone want to continue a relationship if they can't get along with the other person and there are no benefits at all?

Anonymous said...

I think you have completely misunderstood about what is G.Lewandowski trying to tell you. All you are thinking is abt $$$ if the marriage fail. There is many ways to make money. You should plan to make yr marriage work. The last thing you should do is to profit from a failed marriage.

Yu-Kym said...

The discussion here is about the basic purpose of relationships. Please share your thoughts on whether you agree with Lewandowski's statement.

Rambling Mind said...

I get what you're saying. So, if you're in a committed relationship like marriage, and the relationship reaches a plateau, as all relationships will, do you then walk away from the relationship because you're unwilling to compromise?

Sorry, being a devil's advocate here...

Yu-Kym said...

Compromise is requirement in situations where there's conflict. A plateau is a state of "no change", not a state of conflict.

Anonymous said...

A better person is likely to emerge from a happier person. A happier person is likely to have benefitted from good fulfilling relationships with others.

Every positive addition to a relationship increases the chance of a person (or both people) emerging happier.

Just take one example of a positive addition to one's life - wealth. Having riches does help towards it. So why not?

Good looks, good sex, good intelligence, good values, etc

I say why not look for all these as much as you can in your mate? Every instance of a successful search points to the direction of a happier life. And in all likelihood a better person.

I have so far not come across a happy serene person not equating with a better person.

silli cat

Anonymous said...

P.S. I sure as hell too have not come across an unhappy person emerge as a better person.

They are to my observation... unkind, unforgiving, over-sensitive, overbearing and domineering, over-calculating, quarrelsome, back-stabbing and uninteresting to be with. keke

silli cat