"I'll marry you if we're both not married by 35"

If someone said that to you, would you that as a compliment, pity or a hint?

A friend shared with me that he and his current girlfriend made that pact some time ago when they were not yet attached. They eventually got together though they are far from 35 years old. Perhaps they both meant that as a hint.

Another friend said that to me. It wasn't put across as a question but as a statement. Maybe it's just me or maybe it's the truth: the statement borders on being insulting because
- he assumed that I would want to get married,
- he assumed that I would want to marry him, and
- did he mean that if he can't find someone else he would "settle" for me as a Plan B?
He's studying overseas for the next few years. He asked me whether I would have time to meet him when he returns to Singapore during his term break.


David said...

An interesting hypothetical situation.
Would you marry this male.
Do you have any geniune affection, and does he have any affection for you, not to be confused with lusting for your femine charms.

I have not known anyone using such a pact as a marriage back-up-plan, aside from young people who are already very good friends and know that each enjoys and appreciates the other.

An aquaintance offering such a pact, even as a mere statement, is bordering on being insulting. If a truelly good friend asked you if you would enter into a pact together, then perhaps, based on your feelings, then such might be possible.

But your statement; 'he would "settle" for me as a Plan B? Tells us that he would settle for you rather as a last choice. IMOH, this is insulting.

You have not mentioned that would consider marriage with this male.

The point to make is if he is looking for a marriage partner, and you are not, he is better off looking elsewhere.

Keep in mind, even in a more perfect world, a young man and women who were the best of friends when 18-19, meeting when they 35 yrs old and still single, are likely to have grown in differing experiences. Friendship might remain, love may not arise.

If and when Yu-Kym desires to marry only Yu-Kym will know.

Have a great weekend!


There is a great man who makes every man feel small. But the real great man is the man who makes every man feel great.

-- G. K. Chesterton

Anonymous said...

"He's studying overseas .. He asked me whether I would have time to meet him .. during his term break. "

- The girl should have the same aspiration to study overseas too ( nowadays you see many female Ph.D., Drs etc ) and show that she is equal or better in every way financially, education wise etc.

Ohm, man love this type of woman.

Yu-Kym said...

David, I don't know this person well enough. I won't say "Hell, no!" but neither would I say Yes. Time and space can change many things.

Anon, a piece of paper awarded by some institution should not make a person feel "equal" or "better" about themselves or someone else. If they feel that way, I'm afraid education has failed in its purpose.

Anonymous said...

"Anon, a piece of paper awarded by some institution should not make a person feel "equal" or "better"...."

-That is where a lot of people got it wrong and missed the opportunity to create a greater life for themselves!
It is not what it makes you "feel" ( of course you yourself will feel happy ), but more importantly it is what that piece of paper make OTHERS feel about you. It is the key to open doors in job opportunities and gives you a first step into a professional career, from there you can build yourself ( and your wealth ) up.

- Of course, there are people who thru' their own effort achieve the same result without (or the need of) that paper.

Anonymous said...

This is a classic "No fish ? Prawn will do" When you running out of youth, anything goes !

cute_boboi said...

It's me again...

Weird, as I have two friends who mention this many years ago. Their target is 40, not 35.

Now, the guy is already getting married to another lady by next year. The girl is already married (with another guy) and pregnant.

I guess their pact will still be a dream.