Head in penis, heart in vagina

11
Everyone has heard the saying that a man's head is in his penis. I go further to say that a woman's heart is in her vagina.

I have seen and heard about women who say they are "in love" with the men they sleep with - even men who are unavailable, e.g. married. I am no exception. It happens to me too. When I am sexually involved with a man, I tend to feel "in love" although I know that it's not going to lead to a serious relationship. The better he is in bed, the more "in love" I think I am. I have to remind myself that I'm not really "in love". True enough, after we stop being sexually involved, I'm able to see clearly [read: Sex clouds your judgement] glad I'm not in a serious relationship with the guy: his habits, his emotional state, his appearance - yikes, what was I thinking?

Many women think men operate in the same way. They offer sex as a form of [sexual bribery] to entice the man into a sexual relationship and then hope that the man, with heart in penis, offer his heart. All they'll ever get is his head. So some women go to the other extreme of [withholding sex] to find out whether the man wants an emotional relationship in addition to a sexual one. To sex or not to sex: That is the question. I believe use of the brain, not the heart-in-vagina, is required to answer it.

What can we learn from this?
1. Men should improve their sex skills to build greater emotional connection.
2. Women need to be more aware that the chemicals produced in their brains, such as [oxytocin] affect their emotions. They are not really "in love" when they feel they are.

11 comments:

Horlic said...

sex without love = love without sex = meaningless

David said...

Yu-kym,


This is topic that will never be adequately answered.

Your final analysis is worth reading for all.

Men need decent sex skills, and men need to be aware that sex in only one component of the emotional connection. In a future post you might look at the emotional connection from male and female perspectives.

Women need to be aware how their own body chemistry works in swinging their moods.

Men need to be aware that hormones really do play a role in a females mood on any day. Males and females, as you pointed out often mistake the afterglow of a sexual encounter for being in love, when in fact they are not, perhaps one is lusting for the other, but again that is chemistry at work, not emotion.

Love needs a complete emotional, intellectual, physical and spiritual connection. Not all parts of a relationship grow evenly. Most often the physical component over-powers the other components. Explains why so many relationships are just a right - now ONS type, this relationship is doomed.

That being said I agree with Horlic's statement.

Most often sex just for sake of sex, not in an act of love, leaves both participants feeling empty in hours and day after. Feels good at the time, maybe even great. As you state above The better he is in bed, the more "in love" I think I am. I have to remind myself that I'm not really "in love". One is left not feeling in love and perhaps wonder why they had sex in this case!


I am curious to find out how much your forthcoming book will cover this topic.

David

God never promises to remove us from our struggles. He does promise, however, to change the way we look at them.

-- Max Lucado

Ho said...

From the way it was described, I think the title should not be "Head in the penis, heart in the virgina", it should be "Head in the penis, head in the virgina too".

Since men can't think with their head, then women, use your head to think, not your virgina. Then you would have avoided disappointment and would not have gone to bed and let that asshole have fun and get away leaving you a broken heart.

Charlie TT said...

Hi Yu-Kym

"The better he is in bed, the more "in love" I think I am. I have to remind myself that I'm not really "in love". True enough, after we stop being sexually involved, I'm able to see clearly [read: Sex clouds your judgement] glad I'm not in a serious relationship with the guy: his habits, his emotional state, his appearance - yikes, what was I thinking?"

It really depends on the individuals (head in penis/virgina). To some sex is more important than love. Men and women alike. That is why failed marriages are common nowadays. Right?

Yu-Kym said...

Horlic and David, then love without sex = ??

Ho, I say "heart in vagina" because the women would feel "in love", not use their heads to convince themselves that they are "in love". It's "following their heart".

Charlie TT, each person has different needs and wants. These needs and wants change with time. Marriages and relationships end partly because the exchange of needs and wants doesn't feel like a fair exchange any more.

CharlieTT said...

Yu-Kym

I do agree with what you said - needs and wants change with time. That is why it's always important for couple to communicate on what he or she needs and wants and to strike a balance or give and take. There is no perfect in real life. Try changing partners and you will realise there is always flaw with the other person.
I would rather use 'complement one another for a better and happier life' than fair exchange. World is never fair. It's ok to lose sometimes. End of the day you might get back what you have lost with 'interest'. Yes, I mean the guy will treasure you more coz you are so willing to lose to him. Hope you get what I mean.

Yu-Kym said...

CharlieTT, what's considered "fair" varies from person to person. At first glance I thought "I mean the guy will treasure you more coz you are so willing to lose to him" meant he will treasure me more because I'm willing to lose him! Sadly, I wish I could agree with what you wrote but the truth is more towards what I initially thought I read.

David said...

Yu-Kym,

... David, then love without sex = ??

I am not aware of any research in this reverse scenario. However since most here agree that sex without love results in something meaningless, I doubt one can turn this around for love without sex.

I am not aware of any couple, truly in love, who have not consumated the relationship.

Now for those here who doubt that love exist read no further.

The rest can please follow along.

When a relationship gets past that first episode of infatuation, raging phermones and a couple actually take time to get to know the other, then curiousity will lead to romantic encounters.

I caution Yu-Kym's followers to be careful with ...I know of this couple really in love who never had sex...
One, two, or three examples of such behaviour is not proof of love without sex equaling a meaningless relationship.

Love has to grow from friendship, and if being friends, building trust, sharing intimate ideas and beliefs with another is not part of being a true friend one might love, then I am completly wrong about most everthing I have lived my life by.

David

Passion will move men beyond themselves, beyond their shortcomings, beyond their failures.

-- Joe Campbell

phil230 said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

i do agreed with Yu Kym on the chemicals produced in our brain. I had an experience with a ex before where i had open my door for him right after a few weeks we dated. We had sex very often and i really felt that i was in love with him but however, whenever we not have sex for a week or longer, we would start quarrel. After a period, i just noticed that i was "in love" with his skill but not him personally. He also even admited that he enjoyed to have it with me, and at the end, we broke up for good reason and we still meet up for a drink until todate.

Anonymous said...

I say whatever good or bad comes his way, if a man has his head in his penis he deserves it.

I say too if a woman has her heart in her vagina, she too deserves it, good or bad.

But at the end of it all, its the woman who suffers more and sometimes irreparably who has her heart or head in her vagina.

This is the unfair reality between the two sexes.

So you women out there, enjoy the good times when your head or heart is in your vagina but beware the very real possibility that you may be greatly hurt when you know you have your head in the wrong place and met the unscrupulous man.

silli cat