Don't lend money. Period.

You must have heard of/had people who borrowed money from friends and then disappeared because they don't want to return the money. They would rather lose a friend than repay $50.

Others borrow from one person to repay the other. To gain your trust, they will borrow a small amount and repay it very quickly (with money borrowed from someone else). Then they will take a bigger loan and disappear.

And there are people who borrow money and get upset enough to complain publicly about their creditors when being asked to return the loan. E.g. In a forum, a schoolgirl wrote that she borrows a few dollars from her schoolmates whenever she runs out of money. She complained that her friends kept asking her to return the money when she has not gone to the ATM machine. She commented that it's just a few dollars so they shouldn't pester her for it. She will return it when she has the money.

The fourth type of borrower is the type that I encounter more than others. The simple reason being: I don't lend money to anyone but the bank (and my immediate family). So what's this type of borrower? They use emotions. In negotiations, it is not logic but emotions that tilt the negotiation in your favour. Don't look down on such borrowers. They are very skilled at using emotions to make you part with your money. Here are some tactics they use:
- they say they are testing whether you are a real friend because real friends will help them in time of need,
- they accuse you of being stingy or ngiao,
- they accuse you of not trusting them to return the money,
- they assure you that they will repay the loan and not run away because it's such a small amount only,
- they say it's too troublesome if I suggest that we have it in writing.

Please share your experience so that we can all learn from it.

Yeah, my money is so small. These are Australian coins. Isn't it strange that the $1 coin is the same size as the 10 cent coin?

Why should anyone insult or get upset at me for not wanting to lend them money? Is the reason of my existence to lend (actually, it's more like give because people who say such things aren't going to return the money) money to friends? It's my money and I have every right to choose what to do with it. I shouldn't need to have to pretend to have no money myself. People can say what they want. Stingy, ngiao, whatever as long as [I'm not a fool who easily parts with money].

In exceptional cases, I only "lend" what I can afford to lose and if I get it back, I take it as a bonus. I also evaluate the reason for the loan. E.g. if a person needs money to pay his handphone bill, I think it's ridiculous that I'm paying for his phonography sessions!!

People who borrow money behave like the boss!
Actually, the economy today runs on how much people borrow and spend, not on how much people have saved. Many countries (not SG) run on money that the government borrows!
Ironic, isn't it? Who's the boss?


OMG. This post totally hit right on the spot. I had this friend since I was primary 5, I lended her money 1 year ago, to buy her favourite computer mouse. Then we parted cos different school. Up till now she just keep procrastinating about the money, and each time I ask her about the money, she would say she's not free or she doesnt have money.

To me, I kinda feel cheated. Anyone that has felt this way? Not because I care of the money, but because of her attitude !

Mike said...

When u lend money, be prepared to part with it. If u can't, then don't.

Anonymous said...

when my sister started working and needed a car, i lend about $2500 to her for her to pay downpayment on a second hand car and told her she can pay me back once she have money...however, 5 years later, she still owe me although, financially, she is already very stable and earning 5 digit salary a month. few months ago, she said she was going to sell her old car and buy a more luxury car. i then asked her about the money i loan her cos since she is able to buy a new luxury car, then she is able to pay me back. i think she was upset that i chased her for the money i loan her 5 years ago, but in the end, she paid me back before she bought the new car. well, money can actually hurt the relationship if we do not handle it properly...but as we're sisters, we never keep this to heart and can still be as close...

Yu-Kym said...

The awesome banana, that's bad attitude alright! Money can be easily transferred to your bank account if she wanted to return it to you at all.

Mike, I agree with you. I always think about that when anyone asks me for a loan.

Anonymous, allow me to be honest here. I can't imagine being "close" to someone who has little regard for my hard-earned money after borrowing it. But maybe your relationship with your sister is different and you place a different importance on money.

Anonymous said...

Everyone should hardwire this into their brain - People who "borrow" money from you have very little intention of paying back.

The missus & I made the mistake of loaning money to her sister - over a prolong period of time, tot the $$ was to buy milk powder for their kids. As the amounts were usually $50 to $100, we didn't bother her to return it.

It was only after loan sharks scrawled O$P$!!! all over the place - the husband even misled an Aunt to allow him to register his NRIC address at her residence; then we realised we had been conned.

We again ended up forking out money - this time to her Dad who went around redeeming their debts to the loan sharks.

After that, we told ourselves - "no more loans to family members".

Less than a year later, it was her Dad's turn to "borrow" money. This time, the reason was to pay for the son's wedding. We informed her parents about our no-loan policy; her Dad's solution - "I can sell my car and together with the ang pows, return $$ the day after the wedding dinner".

Again, no money was returned. Later, we found out that the car belonged to his employer!

We paid exorbitant interest rates to Citibank every month - for the loan to her Dad. During times when money was tight, my wife & I argued over whether her Dad promised to sell a car that was not his. She said he never made that promise, I told her we made a pact NOT to loan money and I only relented because her Dad made a promise to return it immediately.

Our arguments over her support for her family members' grew over other issues. Divorce was a bitterly contested proposal - I wanted one, she said no.

After the years when we stuck thru thick & thin, she would rather support her family than my wishes.

This is the reward we got for lending money.
If you have money, wise up. Relatives who borrow money are nothing but a bunch of shit. Tell them to fuck off.

Yu-Kym said...

Anon, I recall you shared the car story before. It's difficult to say No to her dad. Must have been terrible paying the bank for other people's expenditure. Are you the person who brings home most of the bacon? It makes the situation worse when your spouse doesn't acknowledge that the problem lies with her dad/sister and she needs to act in the best interest of her own family (you and her).

Peter czeh said...


How about coming with top 10 excuse to reject someone for a loan ?

Yu-Kym said...

Hi Peter, the thing is: why do I need to give any reasons or excuses for rejection?

Anonymous said...

As u mentioned, borrowers use "emotional" stories to make you feel obligated to help.

I'm your Dad; u dont trust me?

I'm your sis & so broke now, u wont help?

Is money more important than blood ties?

We had spare cash, how could my wife refused? If not emotional ties, they employ trickery - I've a car to sell... They can turn around & bare-face asked, "did I say that?"

My marriage was damaged not only from the lies from her Dad & Sister, but also by my wife's insistence on helping them.

Furthermore, on one occasion when I was at her flat to collect some stuff we had stored there, she 'helped' to wipe dust off the base of a stand fan by - squatting with her thighs splayed open whilst wearing a short skirt.

I recalled staring at the number of mini flower prints on her panties - and the holes.

Alone inside the lift with my sofa & things, I was shaking uncontrollably. She even came down & offer to help load the stuff into my MPV. Still wearing the short skirt.

No thanks !!!!!

Till this day, I dont know whether it was a misplaced sense of gratitude or sheer recklessness - for her to display her "offer" that way.

What do readers think?

Yu-Kym said...

I'd sad to hear that she made the decision to lend the money despite knowing how you felt about it. About the short skirt, maybe she was trying to show you what you were missing out on?

Anonymous said...

I think GAMBLING & its attendent vices like borrowing money to feed it; is the WORSE form of suffering for many folks.
I have a brother who could borrow your car, smashed it & say, "u got insurance to pay for it right?"
30+ yeras ago, same person borrowed 2 expensive cameras from my sister to impress his airline attendent girlfriend and lost them. Up till today, owns & drive BMW 8 series cars, never re-imburse my sister for her loss.
Borrowed money from mum before she passed away; got the cheek to say - "I dont know whether she expects me to pay her back or not"

Tell you a secret of life - both borrower and lender are made to suffer.

Lender - loss of kin and/or friendship, besides money and/or belongings.

Borrower - loss of self-worth (if he even knows the meaning of this word) and regarded as a piece of shit - for life.

SUFFER - THAT is what you get!

Recently, a well-meaning relative offered her winter clothing for our trip to Europe. I will learn to take my own advice - no thanks!

Yu-Kym said...

Sounds to me like your brother enjoyed more than he suffered. We shouldn't assume that the borrower feels any loss of self-worth or thinks that anyone regards them as shit.

Borrowing but returning as agreed doesn't make someone lose their sense of self-worth. If someone really needs the money but is too proud to take and would rather let the family starve is foolish.