The perfect life or the perfect lie?

6
Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren had it all. Tiger married a gorgeous model (see Elin's pictures here). Elin married a top sportsman who made tonnes of money. They have two children - a boy and a girl. They lived in a big, beautiful house (or two). What more could anyone ask for?

Everyone must have thought: What a perfect life!
Now we know: What a perfect lie!

I feel sad for them. How everything they shared got tossed out of the window. When she first heard about his infidelities, she wanted to leave him. But later she tried to make things work. Unfortunately, it didn't work out because the trust had been broken and couldn't be repaired.

The perfect song to describe this situation: Britney Spear's Shattered Glass in which she sings about infidelity and she can't take him back because all that was shared is broken like shattered glass. (I didn't embed it because I can't view the video - it is blocked for my country.)

Tiger was living the lie, but Elin wasn't. She thought everything was fine till she found out the truth. She did not want to pretend that nothing happened and everything is ok.

Many people live similar lies - where one party is unfaithful and the other is unaware of it.

Some couples live a lie worse: one or both are unfaithful but they pretend not to know about it and behave like everything is fine. Some live the lie because they don't want to disappoint their parents or religious communities, or are too afraid to rock the boat.

I am never envious of married couples or convinced by couples who tells me that marriage is great and I should want to get married. They are only telling me half the truth. They are not obliged to tell me the whole truth anyway. They won't want to give someone else the burden of the truth. (Contrary to popular belief, the truth doesn't always set you free. The truth can be a burden because now you'll have to do something about it instead of pretending not to know.) Some friends have told me the other half of the truth about their marriage. I would not be able to guess if they don't confess those things to me.

Outsiders may look at the perfect couple and think: What a great family! They're so lucky!
But they'll never know for sure whether it's the perfect life or the perfect lie.

Related post:
[Extramarital affairs]

6 comments:

David said...

Yu-Kym,

I agree with your analysis and feelings on this issue.

You are correct in that most if not everyone who is older than a teen know of a family member or friend(s) living in such a marriage.

Fortunately such marriages are the exception. The majority of marriages go through phases of growth. Much of two people growing together comes from the commitment an love both possess and practice.

It is vitally important that the man and women both be committed to making the relationship and marriage work.

Your previous post regarding a friend with a clingy gf brings the question of why this man never talked with his gf about her clingyness, or possessiveness?

Is he afraid that just talking about this would upset her? Was he afraid she might leave him? If his answer is yes to either, then that man is immature and into the engagement for many wrong reasons. Perhaps he expects to play around after the wedding.

I have no sympathy for Tiger Woods.

I know what it takes to mare a marriage work. That means working on the marriage everyday.

Yu-Kym has never mentioned anything about her parent's marriage. Mostly Yu-Kym writes about failed marriages and the people who make them failures. I must presume this is from successful marriages being boring to write about, and failures being more colourful.

David

The Lord gets his best soldiers out of the highlands of affliction.

-- Charles H. Spurgeon

Anonymous said...

Kym it'a bit late to be posting about this don't you think?...but anyways better late than never..tq

Yu-Kym said...

David, how do you know that marriages filled with lies is the minority?
I have no sympathy for Tiger either. He got what he asked for.
My parents are still married and they have 3 filial children, if you call that a success.

Anon,
I wrote my comments on the infidelity last year: http://yu-kym.blogspot.com/2009/12/is-there-such-thing-as-cheating-gene.html

Their divorce was finalised on 23 Aug. If she changed her mind and took him back, I might conclude that it's the perfect life for him. I'm only a few days "late".

The Bimbo said...

it's quite sad really.. to realise that a perfect life becomes the perfect lie... traumatic. One of the reasons not to get married. :P

M Kumar said...

There is no such thing as a perfect life. We are inherently imperfect creatures, there is nothing that we can possibly make or do that is perfect.

When you are married, you try your best to tolerate the bad and cherish the good. Likewise, you hope that your partner has the same philosophy and the same (if not higher) levels of tolerance/acceptance.

Commitment is not just empty promises to others or to yourself, it's sticking to it and roughing it out, day after day, through drudgery and contentment.

Likewise, the perfect lie doesn't exist. The closest thing to that is religion.

Yu-Kym said...

The Bimbo, do you think it would hurt less if they weren't married but only living together?

M Kumar, religion LOL