Going dutch on dates is a scam

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I often hear that guys appreciate gals who offer to go dutch when they go out together. I have no problems with going dutch but I fail to see the benefit of that to me. I doubt guys have any more respect for me just because I am willing to foot my share of the bill.

I went on a $10 date once. Each of us forked out $5. We had an enjoyable day together. After that, they guy suggested we should go on a $200 date, i.e. each of us would fork out $100. Although I had fun on the $10 date better judgement made me turn him down immediately. Why should I fork out $100 to go on a date when I can get one without having to pay for anything?

Only guys who have no money to spare for dates who say such things; Guys who can afford to pay for dates will not suggest this. Such guys are most likely the type who would get married in order to have access to a shared pool of money to afford a certain lifestyle - the "Do you want to apply for HDB" proposal type of guy.

If the guy has no money to go on dates, shouldn't he be spending his time making more money instead of spending his time and what little money he has on dates?

Going dutch on dates is a scam!

Note: Here, I am not referring to a guy and gal going out together as normal friends. If a guy is not creative enough to come up with an affordable date, then he's just not very smart.

32 comments:

kumar said...

There is just no such thing as a free lunch, I believe..

Anonymous said...

What a fat cheek the guy has! The double-thick hide to suggest an expensive evening with a proposal to go dutch!

No wonder Yu-Kym has all kinds of notions about guys! I don't really blame her. She has been meeting all the wrong ones! And the right ones are very few and far between too! lol

But Yu-Kym, at least you called it quits after just one meeting. Your made a correct judgement call on him. Coz here's the kind of situation my mother would condemn with the following remark translated from Hokkien: "He doesnt have the arsehole and yet he is taking laxative!" Or something to this effect! lol

curious cat

Anonymous said...

Well, if I'm you, i'll make sure he pays for everything as a punishment!

Anonymous said...

Joint Singapore's largest industry i.e. prostitution and you can get free sex, no need to go dutch, and get lots of $$$$ too!

Anonymous said...

first time go dutch on a date, there won't be a second time...that shows that guy is a cheapskate!!

Anonymous said...

I dont understand why some ppl think "sex is free" when freedom too isn't free!

And going dutch is not necessarily being a cheapskate! If you think going dutch on a simple inexpensive date is shameful, you just have never met a well-brought-up girl who understands your financial situation and loves being with you too.

I have met such a girl and we shared a burger together because I had'nt enough to buy one for the each of us! This is the kind of girl I wish to marry. She would have bought herself her own burger except that she too had very little money.

curious cat

Anonymous said...

First or second date the guy should foot the bill,that's reasonable.Whatabout subsequent dates? If continue the guy to foot the bill,not so well off guy will dry off one day. Otherwise is better to date at my house or your house..

Or this type of guy should not even think of going on date ?

Anonymous said...

"Why should I fork out $100 to go on a date when I can get one without having to pay for anything? "


this shows how insincere you are on a date. (possible gold digger). Worse than a pros. At least pros 'works' for the money in exchg for sex- no hiding straight forward.

Yu-Kym said...

curious cat, your mother's remark is hilarious! :D About the girl understand the guy's financial situation, that's more applicable when people are still students or just started their first job. If a 30-year-old guy can't afford to pay for the date(s), I don't know what to say...

anon, the guy can try to be creative about the dates, like you mentioned have it at his/her house. And if a guy gets broke from going on dates, he's not going to fare well in a long-term relationship like marriage.

Anon, any guy who thinks that I'm insincere can go hire an escort. I don't care.

Anonymous said...

Going Dutch is totally ungentlemenly especially if it's one of the initial couple dates. It shows stinginess, calculativeness and insincerity. If he couldn't afford it he should have suggested something less pricey.

Anonymous said...

Yu-Kym

May I ask what are you doing with a 30yr old guy who cant pay for his date in the first plc? lol

And like you rightly said...if this guy is already broke after a few dates, what kind of marriage you think it would be? lol

I dont know what the accusation of you being insincere is all about. But if its about the 30 yr old guy accusing you for not going dutch, then tell him go fly a kite. You have curious cat to pay for you. I can now afford more than a burger now. lol

Good luck on picking your next date.

curious cat

Yu-Kym said...

Usually the guy would choose the place. If he chooses an expensive restaurant and want to go Dutch, that really leaves a bad impression! It's better to eat at a food court. After all, it's the company that matters.

I was using the age of 30 in general. You paying for me? :D

David said...

Yu-Kym,

100% agreement.

Avoid any man who expects a dutch date arrangement like they have a highly contagious disease.

A male short on money should have the courage to let a date know this, and that he plans a less expensive venue for the evening.

Yu-Kym, is this a case where an honest man would be more appreciated?

David

I have learned that what we have done for ourselves alone dies with us. What we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal.

-- Author Unknown

Anonymous said...

Yu-Kym,

When a guy chooses an expensive plc and suggests going Dutch, you wouldnt even go with him to a food court, would you? keke

Even though I'm fairly new to your blog, you deserve a special treat from me for the excellent work you have been doing in your blogs. But i think you have not really lived up to your blog's tagline. keke

curious cat

Anonymous said...

And here we are wondering why there are more singles nowadays. Perfectly good example.

-gringo

Anonymous said...

I am a guy and i think guys should pay on a date. If he can afford it, it can be an expensive one, if not, go to somewhere less expensive. A guy should pay because you are trying to impress the girl you like.

It is different if they are meeting just as friends and not on a date i.e. no interest in each other.

As the relationship develops, the girl can pay some of the cost too but the guy should bear the majority of it. This sharing of cost in a long term relationship has something to do with both parties trying to save money for their future together.

Anonymous said...

"I am a guy" Anonymous,

Touche! Every word spot on!

curious cat

Anonymous said...

Gringo,

more single guys or more single girls these days?

curious cat

Anonymous said...

CC,

Both

-gringo

Anonymous said...

In a nutshell, you only go on dates with guy that have thick wallets. This notion sickens me.

How about finding out what the person is really like? With the current economy, a $10 meal per person is considered extravagant. So this person who's a victim of the economic crisis don't deserve to date at all uh?

-gringo

Anonymous said...

hahaha Gringo,

I like your post..it's so funny the way u put things! lol you have quite a wit huh?

curious cat

Yu-Kym said...

David, a man should always live within his means. At certain times of our lives, we might find ourselves living from hand to mouth perhaps because of unfortunate circumstances, e.g. family medical bills or debts of a family member. A man who take me on a $10 date and has no credit card debt is better than one who charges $100 to his credit card and can't pay for it.

curious cat, if a $10 date is fine by me, a food court date is fine too.

gringo, curious cat does not speak for me. As mentioned in the post, I went on a $10 date which I contributed $5 to.

Anonymous said...

Of course Yu-Kym goes on $10 dates and on dutches too! She is not a snobbish girl. She doesnt look down on ppl just because they are not well to do.

But.... if you hope to win her heart, you have to satisfy her wonderings:

"Why cant he get a better paying job so that we can go on a more interesting date? I cant go on $10 dates all the time! And on Dutch again? And "BMWs"? What kind of man is he that cannot hold on to a good paying job? Has he no ambition to progress at all? What would my life be with him if he continues this trend? I want bank stocks and gold bars as my dowry! etc etc etc" And I can assure there are plenty more her musings! And mind you, she is serious!

lol

curious cat

Anonymous said...

CC, if material wealth is what you seek in life, so be it if it makes you happy. Don't judge him if he doesn't share the same ambition as you to hold a 200K per annum job. What if his passion in life is to do other things in life and lead a simple life? He would be deemed lame in your eyes i suppose.

-gringo

Anonymous said...

No Gringo,

I would not have any less respect for him if he prefers a simple life. As long as he is happy, who are we to judge him? What makes us think we are happier than him?

Yes, I do have material wealth like properties but these are for my safety nets or income generation for my retirement years but I dont go overboard with big ticket items. In fact, in some ways I live very much simply too. Perhaps other than some assets, I dare say my daily life could be much simpler than yours even.

So your post's so very right.

curious cat

Yu-Kym said...

It's about personal choice and needs. In long-term relationship, no money = problems. I want peace of mind and happiness so I will not go out to find problems to handle. Some women need to have a man to fuss over, support, change and have some drama in their lives (see http://yu-kym.blogspot.com/2009/09/happiness-vs-drama.html).

Anonymous said...

Yes Yu-Kym

unfortunately in this world we live in, having adequate money is always a critical issue in life to grapple with. Even having lots of money does not guarantee anything but it surely helps.

curious cat

Anonymous said...

" Anon, any guy who thinks that I'm insincere can go hire an escort. I don't care. "



If the guy knows this, he would not date you in the first place ;)

Anonymous said...

When I first knew my wife, my first company was wound up. I didn't have money to pay my phone bills. My wife, then my girl friend offered to pay for some of my expenses and told me to get my life back together. I do not believe if a date should be dutch or paid by the guy.

There is no free lunch in this world. If a girl's time can be bought by paying her, what difference does that make her compared with a social escort? The part about paying is about who can afford to pay and whether either party is comfortable with the other person paying. There is no need to show off how much a person has in a relationship.

Anonymous said...

Quite well said Anonymous.

curious cat

Yu-Kym said...

Anon, how old were you and your girlfriend then? If I date a guy who is around my age and can't afford to pay his handphone bills, I think something's wrong. Maybe he doesn't have money because of family financial problems or something.

Anonymous said...

Hi Yu-Kym,

I am new to your blog and you have posted a very interesting topic and a very bold tagline " Going dutch on dates is a scam!"

I think it depends on what your expectations when you are out on a date with a guy. I agree with you totally "In long-term relationship, no money = problems."

However, the variable here is "I want peace of mind and happiness". If adequate $ is enough to fill your happiness and give u peace of mind. Who are we to judge :)

Personally, I feel everything, from dates to marriage all lies in the process and what you'll get in the end. well, cause the end is easy, we all die. I think true happiness comes in content. If you can be contented then you'll be happy, else there is always something and someone better out there.

As for dates, just enjoy the ride.

I bet you there are many guys who pays for everything and all they want in their mind is to get into your knickers.


All the best!
Cheers! :)

Rally.E