Was it molest?

9
A few years ago, I went to see a doctor because I was feeling too stressed out and tired to go to work. The doctor asked me whether I had any back or shoulder aches. I thought it was part of the diagnosis so I said I have shoulder aches. He got out of his chair and gave me a 1-minute shoulder massage, then taught me some stretching exercises. I didn't feel violated because I wasn't wearing anything low-cut or revealing but it's strange for a doctor (general practitioner) to give a patient a massage, isn't it?

Sometimes we don't realise we have been molested. A man seated beside you nodding off towards a woman's chest, somebody standing too close to you on the train or bus, a supervisor feeling your forehead or arm for your temperature. If adults have a hard time figuring out whether they had indeed been molest, children and teenagers are definitely confused too. There's also a perception that girls get molested and boys don't.

A friend told me that he was molested twice in his teenage years:

He was 13. He was sitting on a bus. An Indian man boarded and sat next to him. After a while, he put his hand on my friend's groin area. My friend was shocked. He never expected to get molested by a man. He immediately stood up and alighted at the next stop. "I was trembling, feeling scared and I was crying on the inside (you know that sort of really scared and sad feeling???)"

The second incident happened when he was 15. He felt ill in school one day. His teacher who was in charge of the art club told him to go rest in the art club room. My friend sat on the sofa in the room. His teacher came in and asked him to lie down on the sofa. So he did that and closed his eyes. His teacher then sat on the edge of the sofa and felt his forehead to check for a fever. Next, he unbuttoned my friend's shirt and start caressing his chest. At that time, my friend didn't think of it as improper. It seemed like his teacher was only being caring. But he still felt awkward so he sat up and told the teacher that it was better to go home.

I, too, was molested on the bus when I was 14 years old, as mentioned in my previous post, [Want to get molested? Go to a countdown party!]. I did not get off the bus though. I told the man to stop it. I don't know where I found the courage to do that. Perhaps the fear of getting off the bus, waiting alone at a deserted bus stop for the next bus and being late for school wear greater than my fear of confronting the man. If someone had to get off the bus it should be him! Unlike in my friend's case, I had time to react. If the man had put his hand between my legs I might have done what my friend did.

How should one react in such situations? Get up immediately and go tell the bus driver?

Sex predators prey on children and teenagers because they think that the latter won't know better. But you know what? They are right about that! Children don't know what's going on and neither do they know how to react. Just because a person is not touching their private parts does not mean that it's not molest.

Do parents educate their children? Do siblings share such incidents to teach other siblings about it? Do victims share their stories so that others can learn? Do teachers teach students what molest is and how to react? And what if the people whom we trust - like teachers and religious people - are the ones who prey on children?

I've heard of cases of sexual abuse in my secondary school. But the supposedly victims are troubled youth. Who would you rather believe - the troubled youth or the religious people?


Related posts:
[Nice girls don't cry wolf]
[Want to get molested? Go to a countdown party!]

9 comments:

Jeryc said...

I got molested when I was 19... By a gay dude.. He thought I was the same kind as him... And since that day.. I stopped wearing tight t.. Dammit...

David said...

Yu-Kym,

A very topical post! I applaud your courage for talking about past events!!!!!

".. but it's strange for a doctor (general practitioner) to give a patient a massage, isn't it?."

Not for a general practitioner. Some doctors know a great deal about muscle and bone structure and can massage or manipulate body parts to bring relief from a variety of problems.

So were you molested by your doctor? It would appear not so, unless there is some documentation from others that would support the claim.

The event when you were 14 is molestation.
Such pedophiles depend on the the victim not calling out and drawing attention, they expect fear to paralyze the victim from resisting. Your action then is fortunate.

Your other friend was molested and should have reported the man to the driver.

Child molestation should never be taken lightly.

Children are precious and even teens who think they are world wise, often encounter an adult molester they are unprepared to handle.

In Singapore Razor Online has some very good videos on self defense for women.

David

Neither genius, fame, nor love show the greatness of the soul. Only kindness can do that.

-- Jean Baptiste Henri Lacordaire

David

Anonymous said...

As soon as a patient suspects a doctor has bad or wrong bedside manners, it's best not consult him again. Because the next time it might not be just a one-minute massage.

Yu-Kym's one minute is just a test run by the wily perverted doctor on a non-sensitive part of her body. Nevertheless, it can still be construed as a molest because it is certainly unusual for a doctor to do a massage but because the duration is very short and there are no other related or similar incidents, it would be tough but not impossible to successfully accuse the doctor.

The only "plus" point I see if a first report is made against the doctor is if he is a serial molester. His misbehaviour would also be experienced by other patients who have remained silent thus far. And in bringing the matter public, bring the sicko to justice when other molested patients are encouraged to come to the fore.

But if no one comes forth?

curious cat

Anonymous said...

David,

Even one of my relative knows a great deal and practises, runs a massage or physiotherapy outlet, let alone doctors.

But a one-minute massage by a western doctor to achieve results for a shoulder pain? If he had mention to Yu-Kym..."ok i will show you... this is the location to massage to relief the pain and you may instruct your masseuse to do exactly the same" and proceed to demonstrate its initial positive effects for perhaps 15 minutes, perhaps charge her for the lengthier than usual consultation, then maybe I will not pooh pooh him as a pervert. But he did not, so i believe he is testing Yu-Kym for further adventures lol

Even going to the acupuncturist will take an hour of treatment to do a job on the shoulder. 1 minute GP? If he is truly a clever sicko, i think he had one minute of Gigantic Penis erection when rubbing Yu-Kym's shoulder lol

curious cat

David said...

Curious Cat,

A great deal of speculation!

I would expect Yu-Kym can best evaluate whether she will visit that doctor
again.

The scarcity of detail provided would only allow Yu-Kym to determine if she was violated.

Based upon her words, Yu-Kym leaves the question hanging. The impression left is that she did not feel violated. The doctor gave her useful stretches. Hardly an erotic response. Unless this doctor had an obvious erection after massaging her, know can know the doctor's intentions beyond what has been described.

I worked in health care for many years. One job was doing ECGs,
Electro-Cardiograms, that check beating heart.

I did many on women, young and old. One in such job must have a profound
respect for the opposite sex, and must every time do nothing that might be mistaken for as a sexual advance.

I mention this because over the many years I did she some very healthy
appearing young women. A health care provider develops a professional
detachment. People who cross that line and permit emotion or sexual urges to
control them lose their jobs at best, and in some cases have been jailed on
sexual assault.



David

The repetition of small efforts will accomplish more than the occasional use
of great talents.

-- Charles H. Spurgeon

Anonymous said...

David,

hahha I agree its pure speculation based on the scarcity of Yu-Kym's account. She was also not violated. The poor doctor condemned from just an arguable incident! But it could be his carelessness that his actions can be misconstrued as something suspicious or dubious.

But having said that, if Yu-Kym trusts her gutfeel that it may be a prelude to more explorations from the doctor and she is uncomfortable with his bed manners, I would advise her not to revisit this doctor again just in case this time she emerged truly violated even for a slight bit.

I've refrained from calling the doctor a pervert for now. hehe

curious cat

Yu-Kym said...

I'm not sure whether that can be considered molest but it certainly raised question marks in my mind. On another occasion, that doctor complimented me on what I was wearing. Hmm?
Even if a doctor really molested a patient, it's difficult to prove.

Anonymous said...

Yu-Kym,

Hahaha...the same doc commented on your appearance? lol

That is another tell tale clue! He is testing your calm enticing waters!

David, the circumstantial evidence building up. But it's still "speculation" but getting better. lol

But Yu-Kym best stay away lah.

If a doctor molests a patient it is likely he has done it before. Even if its his first time, if you have the guts, bring him public. He is more afraid of you! He's got more going down for him than you. Just be sure its not David's "speculation" or you will destroy a hapless doctor's career.

curious cat

Anonymous said...

You can't just simply accused a doctor like that.

The doctor might be trying to feel out your lymph nodes. I'm a guy and a male doctor did that to me before. I thought it was some kind of massage on my neck and shoulder.

I asked another doctor about this so-called massage I had and she told me "No, that was not a massage!". "He was just merely feeling your lymph nodes to detect any abnormalities".