Sexist rules are for the lazy and stupid

Many rules of society and religion are sexist, e.g. wife taking her husband's surname, man being head of the family, etc. The rules are made to suppress women and to maintain control over people. Look at the result: selective abortion of girls, men resorting to "renting" girlfriends to bring home to meet their parents.

Relationships between two people cannot be governed by rules. It is a partnership based on respect. Each person is different. Each relationship is different. It is foolish to make rules. If people are mature, they will know how to behave. If they are not mature, they don't deserve to be in relationships.

If the man is wrong, in the interest of the couple and family, the man should listen to his wife. A man who is too prideful to admit that his wife is right will not find true happiness.

Society, culture, religion and personal opinions get in the way. For example, people assume that men are to take charge of the finances while women are to take charge of the kitchen but we know that there are woman like Suze Orman who are great at managing finances and male chefs like Martin Yan who are great at their work. Suppose Suze and Martin get married. Who should manage the finances and who should do the cooking?

If you don't have an opinion, that's fine - because why should you? It's none of our business how Suze and Martin go about their personal lives. I hear and see many people telling men to "behave like a man" and women to "let the man wear the pants" in relationships when nobody asked them for advice in the first place! What applies to one person many not apply to another. Just because some busybody man cannot cook doesn't mean all men can't cook. Martin Yan can cook!

We need to think for ourselves what is good for us, not depend on rules and advice made by other people. Don't follow blindly. Rules are for people who are too lazy or too stupid to think.


Anonymous said...

Hi Yu Kym,

I having relationship with my student mother. How should I do now

Anonymous said...

Martin Yan can cook? What a laugh! I saw him cook what he purported to be "Singapore" char kuay teow on TV once and he dumped all kinds of rubbish into the wok that any Singaporean would know is not the yummy dish that we all love.

curious cat

Anonymous said...


I agree that many of these man-made rules are sexist. Why should the man always be the head of the house when he is clearly not as capable as the wife? Why must the family take on the man's name just because the rules of our society dictates so? And many more of such examples. I disagree with them if these rules are applied insensibly but we cannot change the world we live in.

But you Yu-Kym can facilitate the change for yourself and your happiness. With your own man, your own family within the limits allowed by the law unless you want to go to jail. keke

But then, that is impossible for you too coz in your own radical ways, you do not show respect to your man even if in the same breath you claim you do.

You want to be the head of the family regardless of your man being of equal or superior standing to you. Just deferrring to the man you marry is so revolting to you. Where is the respect you say you have to this man you so love? That giving way to him in some situations is so shameful in your eyes! Like you have forever sold your pride or self esteem away!

You expect people to behave even though you admit that people are immature. Mature or not, ppl are into relationships and we cant stop them. And yet you expect rules to be abolished for ppl in relationships expecting them to be behave maturely, have mutual respect etc. Are you being unrealistic? Without rules, there will be even more chaos because as you also said "ppl and relationships are different".

Where in this world (of mostly sane ppl) accept as well and good that when a man is wrong, the wife and family must listen to him? Where can you realistically find every man you meet having the courage to readily admit he is wrong? Just because there are such aberrations in your experiences should not skew your thinking to such a lowly dim and uncompromising view of a man.

If there is anyone who is blind here, it would be you. And if you believe that your own (or oneself) thinking is the only dependable and reliable source of enlightenment; or when you say rules are for stupid or lazy ppl, you do not realise your own madness or folly in your thoughts.

curious cat

Yu-Kym said...

curious cat, you mentioned "You want to be the head of the family regardless of your man being of equal or superior standing to you."
I did not say that I want to be the head of the family.

Anonymous said...


Well you may not utter this viewpoint in exactly the same words but you certainly make your attitudes clear in that direction in a number of your comments about men, women and relationships.

Just one recent example: you reject any suggestion of deferring to your husband and playing a secondary role when there is a completely opposing views in a delicate situation.

So now you say you do not wish to be head of the family? And yet you refuse to relinquish the final decision to your husband!

Who then is the head of the household if you insist this and refuse that? Who then makes the final call in a difficult situation? Status quo? You know in a marriage, this can't be.

curious cat

Yu-Kym said...

curious cat, for me to automatically and always play a secondary role, i.e. give in to the man, when there are opposing views is ridiculous. Being a couple would involve making decisions about both our lives together - how can a man expect to be given control over my life? Such a man has no respect for me. Love cannot exist without respect. That sort of relationship is about the man's ego and "face".

Anonymous said...

Did i say always Yu-Kym?

I suggested only during occasions when you and your love one has completely opposing views and one has to give way for the sake of the family or relationship. At times he will give way to you, at times you have to do the same. But more often than not in such situations, an equally capable man as you should have the final say because both viewpoints may be correct but someone has to make the final decision.

To say you have to automatically and always play a secondary role is ridiculous. Wherever did i mention that you play that role to that extent?

For a person who blogs so well, you dont read too well what others have to say, do you? keke lol

Ok I guess it appears u get the picture. Your words and tone are now more moderate and reasonable. keke

curious cat

Rock Hard said...

If a woman is wrong, in these days of feminist movement, how many actually apologize to their man sincerely?
I am not surprise that it's the man who must give in to her or she may threaten him with no sex treatment.

All this feminist ideas are men's fault.
Cos some men are too feminist to take control of their women. Too lame and too childish to be call man of the household.
And in the end?
It's the women's job to call the shot in the house.

How about some moderation here?
Men and women need to give and take at times in order to make the relationship works.
Can't be always one doing the giving and the other one doing the taking all the time?
That's not very balance isn't it?
Such a simple task and yet, because of the human's pride and ego, refuse to make this work.
The usual reply is...
"Why should I?"
"Why must I bow down?"
"Why can't he/she gives in to me first?"

From a 3rd party point of view, it looks very immature. But in reality, many of us are still behaving like that in a relationship.

In conclusion, if the men and women wanna battle it out with one another over rules and egoistic values...
All I can say is..
Happy Singlehood then.
So shut the F up if you are lonely and dying for a mate to screw with.

Yu-Kym said...

curious cat, perhaps we misunderstood each other. "more often than not in such situations, an equally capable man as you should have the final say because both viewpoints may be correct but someone has to make the final decision."
I'm not able to accept a relationship where the man gets the final say by default and it's up to him whether he wants to let me have the final say sometimes.

Rock Hard, I agree you that "Can't be always one doing the giving and the other one doing the taking all the time" and it's pointless for the men and women to battle it out with one another over rules and egoistic values.

Anonymous said...


I can appreciate where you are coming from.

But your manner of relationship will break down if both parties takes an egoistic uncompromisng stand!

Where you are concerned, a man that is inferior to you is unacceptable. Which by itself is not wrong. It's your requirement.

So by default, you will only accept a man who is at least equal or superior to you.

Now in such a high quality relationship you will not even on certain critical occasions trust him with the final say. Instead, you want to retain the deciding role. You will probably select when to relinquish to him this responsibility.

Will a man just as intelligent as you accept your supremacy all the time just as will you accept if it's in reverse? Obviously not.

Something has to give. A break-up. So i suppose what some has suggested will be the best solution. Singlehood is best option because either party has too much ego to give way even on occasions. Either party insists on holding on to the reins, suspicious of each other, jealously guarding his or her hold on power and authority in the union.

You can see the potential for conflict with two stubborn egoistic persons. You see the stalemate?

I say it is not beneath either of you but instead it is highly magnanimous if either one can give way. But in a marriage, in reality is everything so ideally resolved, everyone giving way to each other automatically? Absolutely not.

So why not you make the first move if he hasnt? It reflects on your wisdom, your unselfishness, your confidence and maturity. A superior man worth your love will know how to reciprocate without you feeling always being shortchanged.

You cannot be too calculative treating it like a zero-sum game in a relationship if you want it to last.

curious cat

Anonymous said...


I shall end my contributions in this subject. I have learnt enough of your personality in this topic. I am no longer curious. I wish you well. keke

curious cat