The evolution of men's mentality

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In the past, most married couples kept to their respective "roles" of men as the breadwinner and women as homemakers. Nowadays, many women contribute to the household income and men help out with housework and taking care of children. Things have changed.

A) Men's old generation mentality: Women are supposed to be the "wifey" type. The woman takes care of the house and the family and serve me. She does not go out to work so she is ignorant of the harsh reality of life and therefore is incapable of making good decisions. She depends on me to make all decisions because she is unaware of the harsh realities of life and human nature. Even if she is not happy with me, she will have to endure it, be tolerant and obedient because she can't survive without me.

B) Men's new generation mentality: Women are supposed to be Miss Independent. I want a woman who is intelligent, confident, capable and independent. She is educated and able to earn her own money. She does not need to depend on me to support her financially or to make decisions. She contributes to our expenses because she earns as much as, if no more than, me. She chooses to be with me for love, not money.

One might think that men have evolved from (A) to (B). But no, they either stuck somewhere between (A) and (B), or they have moved on to a so-called "higher" state of evolution to option (C), i.e. both of the above!

Think about it logically:
- Why would a intelligent woman who is able to make her own decisions in life rely on a man to make them for her?
- Why would a woman who does not depend on a man financially submit to his will and show complete obedience to him?
If a woman does both of the above she is illogical, not smart!

Some men might say, "I'm lucky. My partner is both!"

Let me tell you that he thinks that way only because either:
- the woman's evolution is way ahead of his: she's smart, capable, independent AND she's a great actress, or
- he is neither smart, capable nor independent. These qualities are relative. She's not that great but she is still better than him.


Miss Independent by Ne-Yo.




Related post:
How to find a good woman?

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

Yu-Kym

Hypothetical situation. keke

Say you are all things in a woman I want, intelligent, career, capable and reliable etc. You are my woman, wife. But being the kind of man I am (also successful, capable and reliable etc), I would envisage you to rely on my guidance and advice in critical situations in life more than me on you.

I am the man of the house and in very important decision making, my considered final say goes ...at all times after discussions with you. There has to be one final decision maker. If there are times where you make the final decision it is because I've decided you to be the best to do it in that particular set of circumstances.

As the man of the house, I am expected to carry all the responsibilities that comes with it (especially in a marriage with all it's accompanying burden) in an emergency or where it requires my intervention.

As my woman, you are given the freedom to do whatever you want with whatever you have subject to final deference to me in situations that impact upon my role or the household or the wellbeing of our marriage as a final decision maker and final arbiter/.

If our two roles can be carried out reasonably and sensibly, what kind of man am I to you? Are you willing to accept this kind of man as "your Man"? Are you able to accept a secondary role to him when a an appropriate situation calls for it?

curious cat

David said...

Yu-Kym,

Some interesting ideas regarding men and women.

Let me point out that while certain throwback type men might believe statements A & B, that the " and new generation mentality, are really stereotypes of mens attitudes.

Most of the married couples I know have risen above mere stereotypes. The best male and female relationships results in a mutual team built on love.

Simplistic explanation to be sure. But volumes can be written on this.

Have you really encountered males who think type A or type B?

My wife and I know the others weaknesses and strong traits. We help each other where one might be weak.

Our love and friendship carry let us share the joy of most days, and hardships that come on bad days. We play together, we cry together, one offers a warm place to other when that person is down.

We never give up on the other.

I cannot put adequately into words what makes a great relationship work.

I do know this, without being vulnerable, without taking big risk, without the courage and willingness to love another.

Without all this a person cannot know the joy that is true love.

David

The past, with its pleasures, its rewards, its foolishness, its punishments, is there for each of us forever, and it should be.

-- Lillian Hellman

Anonymous said...

Hey, it has been changed for more than 50 years already! You are simply out of touch!

Yu-Kym said...

curious cat, I will not accept the relationship you described where I am secondary and I "belong to" him.

David, most of the men here don't think the way you do about relationships. Even if they say they do, after a while their actions show otherwise. They listen too much to what society, family, friends and even busybodies have to say!

Anon, it's been more than 50 years and men still have not completed their mental evolution!

Anonymous said...

Curious cat and David brought up some important points of maintaining a relationship/marriage. There are definitely time where man and woman depends on each other, for support, advises, acknowledgment etc. This time round your blog is quite one sided. Evolution is a natural thing and in any case, you wouldn't see cavemen and venusians.

David said...

Yu-Kym,

The evolution of the relationship between men and women has been an ongoing process for all time.

It is only in the 40-50 years that people have studied the relationship between the sexes.

Verdict; both men and women are still learning how to relate. Neither does a great job of this, although individuals do excel.

To many men expect stereotype women, or worse, the imaginary women portrayed in videos, on television or a character from a movie. I am sure you have heard male say, 'a women like the ________________ in such movie is their idea of an ideal women.

They want a completely concocted women, one who can only exist in a movie role.

Why many men, and women do not look at world realistically, me thinks that might be the topic for another book...

David

The reason that most major goals are not achieved is that we spend our time doing second things first.

-- Robert J. McKain

Rock Hard said...

That is why there are so many unhappy marriage nowadays. And divorce, adultery is becoming very common.
Men role should be both a provider and a protector. If he loses one, the wife will lose her respect for him
Women role should be a strong supporter and a good caregiver. It's the same here, if wife cannot fulfill either one, her men will find her less appealing.

In these modern times with all the feminist movement, woman's charter and all the anti-family propaganda. That's why woman get what they want. Singlehood.

Men are not to be excuses from all this hype. Too much education, media and books are all about teaching the men to be the SNAG (sensitive new age guy). Deceiving them that women wants a man who is feminine, extra fashionable, care more about their external looks more then their core personalities. Not afraid to show off their softer side. For eg. like crying openly and acting like a pussy (pardon the pun).

In short, men are becoming like women, and women are becoming like men.
More unhappy marriage coming soon to your doorstep if this goes on any longer.

Anonymous said...

Yu-Kym

If I dont read wrong, much of what (most, if not all) the contributors point to you being the hardliner. Eventually some would surmise, a lonely singlehood for you and I believe you can actually be happy in your own way in that status. Which is not bad actually coz a married life for you would be hell for your husband and in the end a dysfunctional family for both you and your children.

But what puzzles me is why do you insist in having this extremely superior role to your man at all costs? Even to the extent of refusing to defer to him when the two of you alpha-types have complete opposing views in a delicate situation?

You have already married the man of your dreams and yet you do not want at all to sometimes relinquish to him the final say and by your deference and respect to him as the man of the house play a secondary role in appropriate situations. Why is it so important to you to play the supreme role at all times?

I can only deduce that your extremely negative fanatical attitude stems from your past relationships and experiences with men who have repeatedly let you down, disappointed and hurt you.

Who is to blame for causing this tragic emotional and psychological harm to you..such an intelligent and beautiful woman? These culprits of lowly class men you were with in the past who cannot handle a class woman like you. Instead they proceeded to spoil the delicious broth.

I just hope someday you get over the trauma of the past and begin again like a freshly budded flower. You deserve the best a good man can offer. And there are such good men. You only have to rid your blinkers and restart on a clean slate of mind.

curious cat

Yu-Kym said...

Anon, are you a man or woman?

David, I agree that people get influenced by what they see in movies. Expectations become unrealistic. Movie producers have to make movies that sell so it's no wonder most things in movies are exaggerated and unrealistic.

Rock Hard, I acknowledge that you believe very stongly in the respective roles of men and women. Though there is value in each person in the relationship knowing their roles, there has to be variations for each couple that nobody outside the relationship should dictate.

curious cat, my post here is about man (and women) cannot have the best of both worlds. It's not about women being or my need to be superior.

Anonymous said...

But Yu-Kym,

its precisely because of your astounding views about you being a woman vis a vis your role with a man with his "mentality" that is so fascinating.

Ok I shall desist from badgering you on this topic touching on your personal background. But it sure makes your blog a very interesting read. Keep up the controversy k? keke

curious cat

Anonymous said...

There are 2 Anon in this topic. I am the one who say,
"Curious cat and David brought up some important points of maintaining a relationship/marriage..."

BTW, i am a Man. Interesting blog and keep it going...
BP

Yu-Kym said...

BP, you are a man - that explains why you think this blog is one sided :) If we look at requirement C logically, i.e. that women should have both A and B, does that make sense?

curious cat, personal experience, family background, observation, etc, make us think the way we do. If you want argue, argue on the point of discussion - whether requirement C make sense - not my history.

Anonymous said...

Yu-Kym,

I do not have vastly contrary opinions on A, B or C! So they dont interest me.

But your personal history has a bearing on discussions about men, women, relationships and sex. Your background fascinates me coz u make a good "specimen" lol... for an interesting insight on how your past has shaped your present.

But I shall not intrude further when a raw nerve is touched. I was too presumptious with your tagline..bold, provocative, brutally honest. keke My apologies.

I have discovered enough. This will be my full stop on your "personal history".

curious cat

Anonymous said...

i think that most men deep down want to be in charge of there relationship , but i also believe that women are well more equipped emotionally to deal with life , we see things from all angles and most viewpoints we take into account not just our own , ithink men find it hard to see past the end of there nose !