How do you heal a broken heart?

14
People say time heals all wounds. Maybe they are right. Hurt feelings of the distant past are not forgotten - the scars are there - but the pain is gone.

I was dumped by my boyfriend when I was 18 years old. He said he was sorry that he found someone else. Back then, it hurt. I still remember the relationship and how it ended but I don't feel hurt anymore. I know that it was my fault too so I don't blame him for making that choice.

But how do you forgive someone who does not feel sorry for what he has done? It's easier to forgive someone when he sincerely apologises than someone who isn't sorry.

Someone had hurt me physically. I can't comprehend why it happened to me - I was never violent. I spoke with him after it happened and expressed that he should not have done it. It was fear that I felt. He never apologised and was never sorry for what he did. The window of opportunity for him to apologise for it had long passed. I don't know whether I can ever forgive him. Perhaps forgiveness is overrated.

When the person is someone whom you love or thought you could trust, the physical hurt coupled with the emotional hurt is beyond the broken veins and bones. The heart and the spirit are broken as well. I have gotten on with my life but I can't deny the effect that the incident had on me. Some people would advise me to forget all about it, others would advise me to find it in my heart to forgive him, or to forgive him for my own peace of mind. I know there is at least one person who disagrees with my decision to walk out of the relationship; frankly, it disgusts me.

Only a masochist would stay in a relationship when he/she is at risk mentally and physically. What if he uses greater force on me the next time? I read that people who are violent usually start "small" to test the boundaries before increasing the force used. I am grateful for the happy times that we had but I will not take the risk and sacrifice myself in the name of love or whatever. If someone uses physical force on me, how much love can he possibly have his heart for me?

I don't know how long it would take for the bleeding to stop and for the wound to heal... would it ever?

Remember Chris Brown hit Rihanna? She's got a new song with Eminem about a physically abusive relationship. Listening to it makes me cry. Of course, mine was nowhere as physically extreme as hers. I wonder how she's feeling now. Has her broken heart healed and, if not, would it ever?

(There is no official video yet. Here's a video contain the song with the lyrics. There's alot of rapping so I think the slideshow format might help in hearing the lyrics. Alternatively, you can view the lyrics here.)



Related posts:
[Staying in destructive relationships: Who's to blame?]
[Do/say first, apologise later]
[Grateful for past relationship: Do you believe it?]

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

I once met a guy that uses abusive words, n torture me mentally. when i tried to walk out of this relationship, he said i didnt love him enough. but i walk out on him in the end because i know that i can't take it anymore. after all, its my life.

Clear Blue Skies said...

Anonymous:
Anybody who uses abusive words on you do *not* love you enough. He has *no* right to say that you do not love him enough.

Yu-Kym:
If a guy abuses you physically, he does *not* love you. You did the *right* thing to leave him. As a guy I support you 101%.

Forgiveness is difficult but not *impossible*. In the end, the question is whether you want to waste your brain space thinking about him.

Let time be the healer. Learn to let go so that he will not be in your *mind* bugging you incessantly. In this respect, *you* have control.

Every time the bad memories come, just scream in your mind: GET OUT OF MY LIFE!

Peace.

David said...

Yu-Kym,

A good post most everyone can related.

Being a slow learner, socially speaking, I repeated some mistakes, more than once.

The pain and loneliness, along with loss of self esteem and confidence followed me for a long time.

Time plays a role, as does coming to knowing self. That often can only come when one looks back at the painful lesson learned.

Meeting someone else eventually aids in sealing the scars.

I know this from the decades I spent convinced I would be forever single.

David

God is always trying to give good things to us, but our hands
are too full to receive them.

-- St. Augustine of Hippo

~Pink Miu Miu~ said...

Hi babe, havent been loggin for a while.. voted for you and hope u win the award :).

Yes, it's not easy to mend or totally heal a broken heart whatsmore with physical torture.

Love might not be (usuually) a smooth jounney for many of us and sometimes it's through tears and many broken moments that we grow and learn to love others and ourselves. Take it as a learning journey and most impt, we must pick ourselves up and move on.

Mending broken hearts is not end of the world, giving up ourselves is.

Edvin Phang said...

This is by far my fav post from you!! Keep it up..its inspirational.

Anonymous said...

Yu-Kym

I fully appreciate your hurt and hope that someday these unfortunate events will no longer weigh on you as heavily. I also share generally the sentiments expressed above by the others. But I'm going to respond a little differently from them. For a start, I wish to know...provided you can reveal..

1) why do you think it's partly your fault that your 1st bf left you for another girl?

2) after some yrs with your 2nd bf, what do you think sparked him to turn violent against you?

curious cat

Anonymous said...

David,

U quote "God is always trying to give good things to us, but our hands are too full to receive them."

Unfortunately, God also allow bad things to happen to many of us even when our hands have always been reaching out to him.

God is not perfect! God's flaw's are even more shocking than his creations.

curious cat

David said...

curious cat,

God is perfect.

Humankind has the gift of a freewill. Humans make good and bad decisions everyday.

People do most always have a hand out towards the Lord asking or praying for something.

God knows what we need, is often different than what we want.

The Lord can say no to less than noble prayers & wishes.

We are the flawed ones, because we are allowed to be flawed.

Humans often choose not to listen to God.

We can choose.

David

Character is what you are in the dark.

-- Dwight L. Moody

Character is what you are in the dark.

-- Dwight L. Moody

Anonymous said...

prob. is ...can i fuck u??

Anonymous said...

David,

If God is so perfect, his creations will not be flawed.

Try refute this logically.

curious cat

~Pink Miu Miu~ said...

We are the flawed ones, because we are allowed to be flawed. Well said.

David said...

curious cat,

It appears you do not understand or perhaps do not accept the concept of humans having a free will.

Free will gives us the unique ability to make choices.

It is our unwise and bad choices that create problems.

I will not indulge in any debate over belief systems. This is Ms. Loh's site, and she knows my opinion on this topic.

David

As we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people
the permission to do the same.

-- Nelson Mandela

Anonymous said...

Yes David absolutely! this site is not the right forum!

I think u dont understand or accept and u think i dont too. hahaha Here is one more who has a different view from you. So we agree to disagree, live and let live!


curious cat

Anonymous said...

Yu-Kym

You have not replied to my qns in my last post directed to you (pls scroll above). If it is something that you are not comfortable with, just let me know so. I will understand the sensitivity.

curious cat