Plus 1 equals to minus 10

10
I have a number of friends. When they suddenly go silent, it could only mean:
a) they are dead, or
b) they got attached.

It is common for people to abandon their friends when they get attached. Male friends, especially, tend to distance themselves and completely ignore my messages. It's not as if we were dating and they decided to choose someone else over me. If that was really the case, fine if they don't have the guts to tell me that directly. Or am I being too sensitive? But if a friend who used to respond all the time goes silent, surely that's a little weird?

I wonder whether they ignore me because their girlfriends are possessive, suspicious and jealous. I was attending a colleague's church wedding. At the reception, I met a friend whom I had not spoken with for a long time (our friendship was platonic, as far as I was concerned, and it did not come with "benefits"). He was with his girlfriend. Naturally, I walked up to him to say hi. My colleague noticed that his girlfriend glared at me from head to toe. In cases like these, I can completely understand why my friend would distance himself from me. What's the guy supposed to tell me? "My girlfriend is possessive and therefore I can't talk to you anymore." That's a load of rubbish! But it's his choice if he wants to be with someone like that.

Plus 1 girlfriend = Minus 10 friends?
Is it just me or do your friends do this to you too?

10 comments:

David said...

Yu-Kym,

You are being sensitive to a realistic occurrence when past relations collide.

The situation described, "his girlfriend glared at me from head to toe."

How were you dressed? What did you first say to your friend, how did you introduce yourself, (your old friend should have introduced you to his GF to cut the ice but apparently he lacked such social graces.)

Your fried appears insecure, his GF has her claim on him.

In this case your friend is not the type of friend you thought he was.

Time to move on.

One sidebar, do you truly love yourself as a human person? Accepting who you are. You have written how you want to improve yourself, but do you approve of YOURSELF?

David

Yu-Kym said...

I must have been wearing something suitable to be worn in a church, i.e. no over-exposure. If I don't recall wrongly, he introduced his girlfriend as his girlfriend and he introduced me by name.

I love myself. But I have yet to achieve my full potential.

Anonymous said...

Hi Yu-Kym,

Let me guese; the guy knows about your blog subjects? Especially the more racy subjects?
Some 'friends' are pleasant enough in your presence but behind your back, they may not pass any good comments about you/your blog, or he just do not have the guts to stand up for you/your blog (especially if the gf disapprove of your views)
That's probably why the gf glared at you - some folks are like that.
True friends ? They are as rare as blue diamonds :(
Move on, our life journey is very long and interesting w/o such 'friends'.
Regards, Leo

David said...

Yu-Kym,

Achieving one full potential is a life long quest.

It is my experienced that as friends get married they tend to build more relationships within the expanded family.

Former single friends tend to be out of the circle of even infrequent contact.

After a few years of marriage most people tend to have friends that are also married with young families.

This is one of life's cycles.

I would be surprised if you are looking for relations with old friends.

With your direction change with your career, you might seek relations with like minded entrepreneur's.

I trust that with your growing wisdom you are not desperate to find identity in your relationships.

Keep in mind that often friends and how they relate to you is a reflection of what type friend they consider you to them.

David

Anonymous said...

i used to have a male friend who is very close to me....purely platonic, he even stayed over at my house and we spent the whole night talking...that time he was still single...but after he had a girlfriend who is also my friend, he stopped calling or hanging out with me...his gf doesn't approve of him being close to me, so i guess our friendship ends there....i kinda miss him actually, the only male guy that i can actually talk to without any sexual feelings...

Anonymous_CB said...

This is mainly due to the guy's wife/girlfriend. There is no problem for the guy to talk to you, but later they will have a lot of Q&A back home. More like FBI questioning/interview that can last overnight without sleep.

Hence the simplest solution is, talk less. Be less friendlier. Later when asked, "Who is that girl/lady?"

Just a short answer will do, "An old friend / ex colleague / old classmates / etc."

If the guy talked more to you, then more questions from the machine-gun, why talk so long ? why talk like so friendly ? why so close ? who is she ? where you meet before ? have u dated her before ? do u meet her often ? how often ? where ? eat what ? why u both eat at nice restaurant but u bring me food court ? why u never tell me about her previously ? etc. the guy vomit blood...

Anonymous said...

I have male friends even, that i hang out with. But we drifted a part. They have girl friends or got maried. I learnt that, thats life and we have to move on. What about girl friends!, well, they have found someone, I feel hurt, but respect their choices, and move on.
Kfr

Yu-Kym said...

Leo, I didn't have a blog back then.

David, in SG, people who get married tend to shut themselves off from their friends because of family commitments.

Anon, it's sad that it had to happen because of his gf's insecurity :(

Anonymous_CB, ya the guy would probably get interrogated. That's why when I see a male friend with a woman, I seldom walk up to him to initiate a conversation.

Kfr, and then one day they will call you up to sell you insurance or to borrow money :/

Anonymous said...

i used to have few male friends who is very close to me. We can talk about everything and hanging out together.But once they have a gf, they will distanced themselves. Some will just tell you the reason and some just goes silence. So that really hurts.

And you are right about they will call you one day to ask for help etc...It's a never ending story and that's what life's all about. I usually will move on and ignored them. Life's too short to be unhappy over this kind of friends.

Yu-Kym said...

Yeah... I try my best but only time will tell.