Grateful for past relationship: Do you believe it?

Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy announced that they are splitting up after 5 years of being together. They both claim to be grateful for the time they had spent together.

When you hear things like these, do you actually believe that they mean they are really grateful or are they trying hard not to sound nasty?

My first thought was the latter.

5 years together is a very long time in this era of short attention spans, shortening dating cycles, shortening movies and shortening songs (the average length of songs used to be 4-5mins each but now they are 3-4mins).

Within a span of 5 years, beliefs, wants, needs, expectations, values and principles can change. People might be heading in the same direction when they met 5 years ago but somewhere down the road, the change in direction might be so drastic that it would be impossible to compromise without resentment.

I've had 2 relationships which lasted about 5 years each. Can I say that I am grateful for those?

It hurts to think of the past. Behind my happy face is a person who still cries at the hurt from my last relationship. The happy times were happy indeed; I can't erase them. But I can't deny the bad memories though they don't erase the happy ones. I do not wish for things to be the way there were because things are not the same anymore. What was said and what was done can never be erased; apologies don't erase memories.

If I had to choose again with the knowledge that I have now, of course I would have chosen differently. But back then I didn't have the knowledge that I have now. Sadly, it would be impossible to learn without going through those experiences. There's no easy way of learning when it comes to relationships. Everyone is unique. One person's situation might not be applicable to a different person.

There is nothing left to feel but gratefulness. Not everything is meant to last forever. And if it didn't last forever, it does not mean it wasn't worth our time, or it didn't bring us moments of happiness.
(Hope the double negatives didn't get you confused).

In case the above poster applies, I'll summarise and say: Yes, I believe that they are grateful.


Anonymous said...

Hi Yu-Kym

Very well said; when a relationship ends, all that left were only memories, whether we like it or not these memories will hang on our neck til death. I used to think it is a burden to have these ring of memories, but as I grow older I cannot help but smile when flashbacks of the little moments we shared together blink in my head. Maybe that is what I should be grateful; little little memories that make me whole.


David said...


One must be grateful for learning experiences. Without pain in life how would we judge the value of relations?

Breaking up is hard. Divorce is very hard.

Marriage is hard, but worth the effort, and worth the love shared.

Being alone, and I speak from experience here, is the most painful.

Learning why I was so alone, was very painful.

Learning from that time, I learned how to share, be friends and to love another.

Life only gets better when love is present.


Anonymous said...

Experience is a Harsh Teacher, because you
sit for the test first before learning the lessons.

Anonymous said...

YK, I chance meeting with a young lady last year, and have good relationship with, shock me by saying 200 years ago we were lovers, when i asked her how come we can meet. Now we meet again! I said to her, even when we part now, know that i love you forever. And perhaps in another 200 years, we could meet again! Interesting?

Anonymous said...

When we form a relationship, it is usually prompted by a desire to seek happiness, companionship, explore common interests or values, or a combination of the above.
One has to make many adjustments; just to accomodate your partner.
For a partnership to survive over a long term, both must be firmly committed to enduring values - like giving & accepting affections, exchanging & exploring different values/expectations, and contributing the effort to constantly repair/maintain the relationship.
Often, when we are so exasperated with our partner, we thought relationships are like economic goods, there is an 'alternative' (read:-'partner').
Relationships are not economic goods. There is no 'alternative'.
What you get is what you put in! (Even this statement may not be agreeable to some people - they feel or reason that their partner is putting in less).
To complicate matters, we have our strengths and weakness. Our weakness if the other is ignorant of it; may compromise or doom the relationship. Eg, a male with womanising tendencies, a female who is insecured about her looks, etc.
If things dont work out, my advice is to be grateful for the good times you shared.
Nothing good comes from regretting spnding so much time with the (wrong) partner. How would you know he/she is wrong unless you spned time together?
For a women, even if he is vindictive and describe you as an easy lay, regard that sort of attitude as a sign of his immaturity or a lack of good breeding.
Ditto for guys when she dump you for a bigger fish/wallet.
Its life. This is a human colony, what do you expect?
To get over the blues fast; tell yourself its part of the learning curve! There's no escaping it!
Caution: if you got a real bad treatment from your ex-, please do not treat your next partner that way. If you do, it means you are no better that your ex-.
Last but not least; everything is fated.
Regards - Leo

Anonymous said...

I feel for Yu-Kym because I believe she still harbours relatively deep emotional scars from her past relationships and these have impacted on her attitudes and psyche about herself and her kind, about men and about relationships.

I believe only a superior and upright man can be the solution to her eradicating these demons from the past and heal her almost totally if not completely.

Time alone cannot because she is highly intelligent and such ppl are usually obstinate - she is likely to shut her heart out to taking calculated risks if and when a potential suitor presents himself. Her heartstrings will pull on her but her brain will resist.

This is her dilemma, irony or paradox. Unless she venture from her safe haven into unknown territory when a strong man she can look up to comes along, she will be for a long time (if not forever) in this predicament.

I wish dearly to see her happy and well in a new relationship because she has most of her principles and values right and she is an incredible woman for the right man.

curious cat