Alpha male insisted on having his way with me

12
I seem to attract male attention after running perhaps because I exude too much sex pheromones. This time, however, I got attention from an unexpected male.

I was sitting on a bench, enjoying a can of 100plus after my run. A big, alpha male monkey came up and sat in right front of me. I immediately stood up to make myself appear bigger, walked a few steps away from it and stood there. It then walked away in the opposite direction.

I was standing, still having my drink when I suddenly realised that it was beside me. This time, it looked even more insistent on having its way. I hope you have figured out by now that sex wasn't what it wanted.

Two memories flashed across my mind:
1. When I was about 5 years old, my mother brought the 3 of us girls to MacRitchie reservior. My mother was carrying my younger sister. My elder sister was holding a packet of food. About 5 small monkey ran to my elder sister, climbed up her body like it was a tree and snatched the packet from her.
2. A woman was mauled by a chimpanzee. She now has no face. She appeared on Oprah's show. See her face here if you dare: Chimp Attack Victim Shows Her Face

I had about 1/3 of the can of drink unfinished. It wasn't worth risking getting my face mauled over 1/3 can of 100plus. I doubt 100plus will hire me as their brand ambassador with the slogan: Would rather get mauled by monkey than hand over my can of 100 plus.

So I put the can down on the ground. The monkey picked it up right away. I walked off quickly just in case it wanted more than just that.

The man sitting at the next bench gave me a disapproving look as I walked pass. He sure didn't bother to help me when I was being harassed by the monkey so I should have been the one giving him a disapproving look.

In conclusion:
1. I lost to a monkey.
2. In case you're wondering, male monkeys ejaculate in about 10 seconds after penetration so, no, I would not consider having sex with one.
3. If 100plus needs a new mascot, they should consider using a monkey.
4. Monkeys at other parks enjoy canned drinks. At Seletar reservoir, don't stand under the trees. The trees would "rain" with canned drink. Like alcoholics enjoying their cans of beer, the monkeys laze around in tree enjoying their fizzy drinks collected from park visitors and the recycling bin. Like the typical male, they would throw their cans everywhere and even try to aim the cans at targets, i.e. YOU.
5. Before anyone suggests that we should get rid of the monkeys, I would like to add that the parks are their natural habitat. They are sharing their part of the world with us, human beings. It is acceptable for them to demand some "taxes" from us every now and then. 1/3 can of 100plus (43 cents) is a very low price.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

how can u tell its a male, just by its size???

Next time drink "beer" instead, see the monkey will want anot lol

better not i think, wait "Jiu Hou Ruan Xing "

Anonymous said...

maybe he does want to have sex with you, lol

Yu-Kym said...

From the hair on the face/head and it had no tits. In terms of size, this one was significantly bigger than the other monkeys.

David said...

Yu-Kym,

You made a wise choice leaving the monkey.

I trust you know some basic self-protection techniques.

Sex pheromones perhaps. However some monkeys are turned by sweaty attractive women.

That described you at that moment.
You are very fit looking, and again the monkey might have been thinking that you would be for some carnal fun.

Total unrelated topic and digression.
Our warmest day of 2010 so far.
22C outside. I know that would be cold for you. However I am almost sweating after the 1.5km walk from my office to my car earlier.

Happy weekend!

David

Ah Shua 哥 said...

These monkeys have no fear of anything. They confronted a pack of 6 Jack Russell, 2 Westie & 1 Lab. Two groups almost get into attack mode if human had not retreated the dogs by force.

Rock Hard said...

Smash the can or the bottle of 100plus into it carnal skull if I were you.

Jeryc said...

And I thought this post was about some big size blokes coming on hard on you...

Yu-Kym said...

David, then I'd better run with a male (human being) next time!

Ah Shua, were those your dogs? Why did the monkeys do that?

Rock Hard, it's a can not a rock. I might get charged for killing monkey!

Jeryc, disappointed? :P

Jeryc said...

Well not really.. Maybe you are not furry enough for him... LOL

Yu-Kym said...

Then I'm lucky I shaved!

Anonymous said...

Happened to me to when I was young, think 7 or 8. Bali holiday holding a bag of peanuts. next thing you know that clown jumped up and snatched the whole bag of peanuts.
Lesson learnt. Walk softly carry a big stick
Tezza

Yu-Kym said...

Tezza, did that leave you traumatised?