When people don't show up


When people are invited to weddings, they are asked to RSVP. Weddings cost money and the couple or organisers need to cater sufficient food and seating for guests. I think it is fine when people say they can't attend it.

To say that "maybe" they are going to attend it is pretty confusing for the couple; so it is Yes or No and should a seat be reserved for this person?? Don't forget - every seat costs money.

The worst are those who would agree to attend but back out at the last minute, i.e. on the day itself. Some will not even inform the couple that they will not be attending. One sick logic that people have is: if they attend the wedding they give $80 ang pow, but if they decide not to attend the wedding at the eleventh hour for whatever (fake) reason they only give $20 ang pow. The cost is already incurred for the seat or to cater food for the fickle-minded guest. Sometimes it is possible to combine tables but most of the time it is not. Although I do not believe that guests should be obliged to help the couple cover the cost of the wedding, I think it is rude and insensitive to cause unnecessary emotional and financial stress for the couple. Surely it doesn't feel good to see the tables half filled/half empty.

Casual Gatherings

My 2 ex-colleagues who are now married to each other and reside in the US visit Singapore once every 1 or 2 years. They organized a group lunch via Facebook email (because they didn't have everyone's phone numbers).
- Half of those of were invited didn't respond,
- 2 said they couldn't make it (fair enough),
- 1 other guy and me said we would attend and showed up,
- 2 agreed to attend but they didn't show up.

Among those who didn't respond at all, I think they must have been pretending not to see the email. Com'on, from the frequency of status updates they post, we know they are there.

I find it strange and rude for people to say they were coming but simply not show up without bothering to call.

Whether the organisers are residing in US or Singapore or the fact that we had worked together for more than 2 years is besides the point; everyone deserves respect.

All of us are degree holders (or higher) and most of us, by now, would be in managerial positions. My mother always says, "What good is education if you are rude?"

I really hope their absence was because of some miscommunication and not sheer lack of respect for others.

Lunar New Year Visits

It is common for Chinese bosses to invite their employees to their homes for Lunar New Year gatherings. Visitors are believed to bring good luck to the house owner. This is the time of the year when bosses find out whether their employees like (or fear) them enough to taking the time to visit and bring oranges. If employees don't show up, it's obvious that they dislike the boss!

Related post:
[Are you waiting for something or someone?]


~Pink Miu Miu~ said...

Yeah agreed: "What good is education if you are rude?"

Btw, i posted the Speed Dating entry liao.. enjoy reading! i added your link..pardon my singlish thou coz it's more natural that way haha.. :P

David said...


Great observations!

I thing one reason educated people are rude, is that most of us learn social skills from our family. At least that is common here in the states.

Secondary schools and universities teach to theory and practice but no classes are offered in social skills.


Love doesn't make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.

-- Franklin P. Jones

Yu-Kym said...

People use social skills and courtesy selectively. I doubt many of them would forget to show up or be late for a job interview or meeting with someone important like the President.

Anonymous said...

YK, It sounds like all relationships in Singapore is all about money now. Attending or not attending or even response is about money!!
I think the system makes them that way..........how sad......everything is about money now! and it affects social life..... and decisions!!

Yu-Kym said...

Kfr, I'm also one of those who regard money as important in relationships.
E.g. 1. if I go out with people who always expect me to foot the bill, after two times I will not want to go out with them anymore.
E.g. 2. my ex-friend did not pay me back for her portion of cancellation fees for Mt Kinabalu trip. It was cancelled because of her. When I met her for lunch, she didn't say offer to buy me lunch as an apology.
E.g. 3. If rich relatives give big ang pow to outsiders and give me small ang pow, I don't think they are good relatives.