NATO guys

I never seem to be done complaining about too many guys these days being totally NATO. It's something which I have difficulty accepting in a friend and even more so in a (potential) boyfriend; it's the deal maker or breaker.

Perhaps people have been conditioned into thinking that they must have a "can-do" attitude, in the army and at work in general. If a person says he can't do something, it means he lacks confidence in himself or is too lazy to do it, and his friends would encourage him by saying, "You can do it one. Have some confidence in yourself." If the guy seems to have tried his best, he is seldom faulted for failure. Army boys and employees would seldom say "No" to their bosses.

Guys probably employ the same thought process in their relationships with women. This leads of over-promising and under-delivering. Unfortunately, unmet expectations are relationship-killers; the key to keeping the other party happy, in work and relationships, is to under-promise and over-deliver. It's not reasonable to accept up to a certain % of failure because some things are beyond our control or we did not consider that a particular event could can an impact on our ability to deliver. If the person has tried his best, I would think he should be excused for under-performing. However, the question as to whether he had indeed tried his best is subjective. It's really up to the guy to show or explain that he did his best. One point which I focus on is what is done after the incident to rectify the failure. (Note that I wrote done not said. Anybody can say anything.)

I prefer a guy to be honest about what he can or cannot deliver. True, that sometimes people force others to agree to do things that they never wanted to do (I've been a victim myself) but in most cases people willingly make those commitments which they are unable to keep.

This is an example of what I mean by NATO:
There was this guy who said he would drive me to the airport. I felt it was a nice suggestion but I know my way to the airport and I knew that he had a meeting that day so I said he didn't need to fetch me. He insisted that he would cancel the meeting to fetch me. One hour before the the time he had agreed to pick me up, he said he didn't manage to cancel the meeting. At this point, I wasn't too happy. I would have to rush to the airport in the peak hour traffic. He could have told me earlier that he wouldn't be fetching me - it can't be that he only knew it one hour before. He apologised and then said that he would pick me up at the airport when I return. I found his suggestion ridiculous because he did not even know my flight information and he mentioned before that he has classes to attend on the day of my return. I reminded him of his class but he responded that he would skip it. Anyway, it was no surprise that he wasn't there when I arrived back in Singapore.

Some weeks later, he sent me an SMS asking me whether I was free that evening. I didn't say yes but I asked him what it was for. He said he needed my help to pretend to be interested in joining the agency which he worked for. He added that was supposed to invite someone interested to join but was too lazy to find one and there was free food provided. (What was he thinking? As if I would help him for the sake of free food and after he NATO-ed me??) Of course, I told him that I wasn't free. I know I should have agreed to go but simply not show up but that would make me no better than NATO myself.

[My dream guy]
[4 Singaporean attitudes]


Anonymous said...

Haha, one thing that caught my eye in this post is to 'underpromise but overdeliver'. Absolutely agree!

Cheers to the insight! :)

Rock Hard said...

NATO guys are like those Mr Nice Guy.
To afraid to say no. But never apologetic when cannot deliver what they promise or said they will do.
Bunch of kiss ass boot licker.

Yu-Kym said...

I tend to think they are just trying to talk their way into gals' pants.