"Letting yourself go" after marriage

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All my (male and female) friends are married told me that they have put on weight. But among the ones who have children now, there are some who are exceptionally fat (sorry, not big-boned) and others who look slim. Most of them admit to eating too much. I don't have children and even if I do it would be wrong of me to judge those who have become fat. In any case, there are people who don't have children and are also fat. I know some men like fleshy women and I think men should accept their wives regardless of their weight and be extremely grateful that someone wants to bear his children. On the other hand, to be realistic, is the man supposed to find his fat wife sexually appealing? And does the woman think of herself as sexy still?

There is much pressure from the media for women to slim down quickly after giving birth, e.g. celebrities like Heidi Klum was in the Victoria's Secrets fashion show just a month after giving birth. But the everyday woman does not have that kind of money to hire dietitians and fitness trainers and she would have to do the housework in addition to taking care of the new born baby! How would she ever find time for exercising and personal grooming?

Sometimes it's not a matter of whether men and women "bother to" groom themselves. People have more duties and commitments after marriage, e.g. family gatherings with in-law's (suddenly there are so many birthdays to attend!), having to work harder to pay off the mortgage or wedding expenses, meeting spouse's friends, housework, paying the bills, taking care of children, etc.

How does one say No to family commitments and responsibilities? How would I handle this problem? I don't have any great advice here. If I say No, somebody will be unhappy and I will end up unhappy. But if I say Yes, I will be unhappy. Either way I lose.

Related posts:
[The "my wife is not interested in sex" problem]

1 comments:

David said...

Yu-Kym,

An interesting post.

Let me share the perspective of someone at the point in life where staying in shape is a daily challenge.

You are very fit, and photos showoff your athletic build. Fast forward past 35 yrs, 40 yrs and 50 yrs and you find that bodies change. Metabolism slows. Working a desk job maked it hard to stay fit.

You said:
"How does one say No to family commitments and responsibilities? How would I handle this problem? I don't have any great advice here. If I say No, somebody will be unhappy and I will end up unhappy. But if I say Yes, I will be unhappy. Either way I lose."

Why will somenone be unhappy if you say no to a family commitment? You should not marry and agree to have children until you truly and completly can love a partner.

It truly takes two in love, to grow togehter, and give birth to childres from the act of love. A couple must plan on childrearing long before the pregnancy.

Childred while challenging and source of worry to all caring parents, are one of the greatest sources of love an adult will ever know.

You have nothing to lose. Finding a lasting and loving relationship took me decades!
Far longer than most wait.

Loving means taking one of lifes greatest risk. With time, effort and the right person the rewards are beyond expectations.

David

Sometimes the Lord rides out the storm with us and other times He calms the restless sea around us. Most of all, He calms the storm inside us in our deepest inner soul.

-- Lloyd John Ogilvie