Inappropriate questions for the 1st date?

I've been told by a friend that some of my questions and opinions can scare guys away. He didn't mean that I was tactless but he found certain topics that I talked about to be inappropriate especially on the first date.

- Why do babies get raped?
- How can the wife of a man who raped his daughter, and his daughter gave birth to several children in the basement of the house over many years, not know about it when she's been living in the same house?

I can understand that nobody likes the thought of babies getting raped, and if given the choice, people would rather avoid discussing unhappy topics. Perhaps I'm too provocative for my own good. But only in the process of discussing the tough topics can we understand how the other person thinks. It's a complete waste of time to make small talk and pretend it's a warm and cushy world. Also, during the initial few dates, people are less inclined to think that the question directly relates to the new "relationship".

E.g. The million dollar question: What do you think of marriage?

If this question is asked on the 20th date, it can be interpreted as, "What do you think of us getting married?"
If you ask it casually on the 1st date, it's very different. I've been asked this question many times before and I was sure the guys didn't mean it as marriage proposals.

In my opinion, the first few dates are the best times to ask the difficult questions. Moreover, knowing the answers to the tough questions would save alot of time. E.g. If the woman thinks that marriage is crap, and the guy wants to find a partner for marriage, he'll know instantly that he's not going to find what he's looking for in this woman. Of course, people could lie, or they could say one thing but subconsciously mean another, and there will always be people who believe that they can somehow convince the other person to do the opposite eventually. At the very least, asking would give you some idea into the person's opinions and thought process.

Other questions:
- Do you want to have children?
- What do you think of marital rape?
- What do you think of divorce?

My questions and ideas may be too much for some guys to bear. But that's just me and I don't wish to act any less than who I am. I believe that there are guys out there who won't be taken aback by my questions and opinions.


Anonymous said...

I agreed with you about asking difficult questions on first date. It maybe the best instant to get a frank assessment of the other party views. I for one would not mind a gal asking me such questions; though provocative but interesting indeed.

David said...


Holding back and being shy again are you!
Really do not be so shy about your questions!

Kidding aside Yu-Kym your 1st date questions are laudable. You will definitley give some men a good reason not to ask you out for a second date, (likely you would not want a second date with such men).

Have you kept some kind of informal analysis of how many men repsponded postiviely to such questions? A few men would take your line of questions as a good sign that you are more than just a beautiful young women.

(another topic in that line; are beautiful women more bright and smart than the stereotype leads one to beleive?)

Again some men will shrink away from a strong women such as you. Others will go after you simply for the challenge your present. One wonders how few would feel that such a strong and opionated women would or could be the ONE!

"But that's just me and I don't wish to act any less than who I am. I believe that there are guys out there who won't be taken aback by my questions and opinions."

It appearss you have not encountered male not taken aback by your questions/opinions. True or false! Or just not enough men for a valid evaluation?