Lying saves everybody much trouble

7
I sometimes find myself telling lies and half-truths to people with whom I do not have and have no intention of developing deep relationships with. Why?

1. Saving the saleman's time
Insurance surveyor at MRT station: Hi, I would like to do a survey. Are you working?
Me: No, not working.
Insurance surveyor at MRT station: Ok, thank you.
I have nothing against "surveyors" or insurance but I'm not going to buy an insurance policy from someone off the street because I already have friend who sell insurance and I would rather buy from them. To save my time and the surveyor's time, I tell a lie at times.

2. It's just small talk
Coffee shop uncle: Are you Singaporean?
Me: Yes.
Coffee shop uncle: You don't look like. I thought you are a foreigner. Are you Chinese?
Me: Yes, I'm Chinese.
This is half the truth. I don't take the time to explain where my parents and grandparents are/were from. It's just small talk. I don't think he has time to listen to my long story.

3. Lying because that's what the other person wants to hear
Friend: You went to Bangkok and you didn't call me to go?
Me: Oh, I didn't know you like Bangkok.
Friend: Next time call me ok?
Me: Ya, sure.
When people make such statements, they usually don't mean it. Because when I really ask them along, they will have many reasons why they can't go. But how else am I supposed to respond to such questions? Am I supposed to say, "You're not going to be able to make it anyway so why ask me to call you along?"

4. I'm not interested in hearing what the other person has to say
Friend: Why don't you buy an apartment? It's good for investment. It's better than renting.
Me: Oh, no money to buy! Haha.
I can't be convinced to make financial decisions by talking/listening so it's no point for anyone to try to convince me.

5. The other person is not interested in hearing what I have to say
Anyone: You should find a nice guy and get married and have children. Your biological clock is ticking. If you don't get married, you will be lonely when you are old. Find a nice guy, then you can be happy.
Me: Problem is - I can't find a nice guy.
Anyone: That's because you are too choosy and fussy.
Me: Yes, you are right. I am choosy.
If a person has already made up his/her mind about what I should do, what makes me happy and what I am before even asking me any questions or hearing me out, the person is already not keen on hearing what I have to say.

However, for deep relationships with family, life partners and (real) friends I think honesty is the best policy. But I shall leave that topic for another day.

7 comments:

~Pink Miu Miu~ said...

Yeah agreed sometimes we are fine for small conversations (provided we are in the mood and have the time to carry on) esp egs. 1 & 2 seem so common in our daily life.

Insurance surveyor: Hi Miss, I would like to....
Me: (pre-empting in advance and trying in my almost Beijing accent Chinese)
Erm sorry i dunno how to speak English.. (thought i can siam liao :)
Insurance surveyor: Never mind, let me get my Chinese-speaking colleagues to explain to u IN DETAILS...
Me: huh??? (actually we dun want to waste their time in finding better prospects..) but mine backfired :P

For some ppl, a lie is a lie that's it (no matter what's yr reason).

For the rest, lies when told with good intentions (esp not to hurt the others), should be acceptable lies.

Lies, u either accept or u dun.

David said...

Yu-Kym,

An interesting method for dealing with pesty people. I started telling unwanted sales people the truth..."I am not interested or need your product/service, save your breath and time for someone else."

You are attractive, and a young women, and no doubt will attract men who want small talk, maybe in the hope you will open up and let one thing lead to another.

That never happened to me when I was single, and now married, and older, let me just say no one want small talk with me...and I would not be interested.

Point 4 & 5 are similar, someone not interested in listening to you, fine, go off on your own or find some friends you want to spend time with. #5, the person you descibe is a busybody who thinks they know what is good for everybody, they really don't know as much as they think, and they are really pest and intruders. Tell to simply leave you alone, that you are not interested in thier opinion.

The weekend is here!

Have fun and safe time!

David

Anonymous said...

Yu Kym

So you are half Chinese, half ...? You can tell us here :-)

Junjie said...

I wrote about insurance surveyors here, http://walkinsafety.wordpress.com/2010/03/08/newsletter-02-dont-bug-me/

You can guess that I don't like them very much! :)

Yu-Kym said...

~Pink Miu Miu~, they are really good. They have responses to ALL the excuses we can think of.

David, perhaps the male salesmen will try to make women think that they are attractive. But all they really want to do is to sell something.

Junjie, I think nobody likes them!

Junjie said...

They NEED to have responses to ALL the excuses we can think of. Or they don't eat. That's why we can sometimes sense the desperation in the air when they approach.

At the very root of it all I don't think it's the agents' fault. I personally believe it is the fault of the insurance companies. I had a couple of friends who talked with me AFTER they told me they became insurance agents. And after I shared with them what I saw of the industry, and what I believe some companies are doing, they started having panicked expressions on their faces...

Still chewing on whether to write a blog post on the insurance industry in Singapore! :D

Yu-Kym said...

Perhaps it is the smell of their desperate sweat that makes us want to run away!

The way the commission structure is, the agents make the most money pushing products that consumers don't need and some churn investment products to make money. I know there are many good agents around. I have a few friends in this line who say they can't help but do "charity" cases which don't make much money.