Dominant vs submissive woman

From my appearance, you probably wouldn't have guessed that I'm dominant by nature. I preferred submissive guys.

A male schoolmate whom I worked with on some projects told me that he felt upset about being bossed around by me and advised me to ask guys for their help instead of tell guys what I want them to do, even if I'm on par with or the manager of a guy. I took his advice and found it to be very effective when handling relationships with (Asian) guys. However, this gives people the impression that they can walk all over me so it creates another problem for me to solve.

Our society influences us to think that a woman should be submissive to the man. Women are supposed to be gentle, understanding and patient. It's common for a man to refuse to do as he is told even if he knows that the woman is actually correct and he is wrong. I am willing to consider a different perspective, shelve the problem temporarily or agree to disagree but I have difficulty in falsely admitting that I am wrong just to make a man feel better. I trust my instincts and most of the time I am right, so why should I say that I'm wrong?

At work, I think it is more acceptable for me to allow a man to feel dominant over me as long as my goals are met but at home if I'm not the dominant one, I should at the very least be an equal.

I've encountered some guys who claim that they like independent, confident women. From my personal experience (for I regard myself as one such woman), some guys who claim that would try to turn me into a submissive woman! Perhaps it's the ultimate conquest: turning a dominant woman into a submissive one.

The time may be ripe for me to revert to my natural self of being dominant.


David said...


Another in your interesting seriew of introspective post. You are dealing not only with how you view and fit into this world, but human nature in us all.

You aleady discovered that by appealing to some male types with a different appoach eases working with strong male personalities.

Now you have to learn to balance your dominant leadership and people skills against cooperative/team skill, which in women are often mistaken for being submissive.

In short you are learning when you have to stand up for a decision or for yourself.

You do not have to be 100% submissive or dominant.

Enjoy your weekend!