What is an apology actually?

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That’s a stupid and simple question, isn’t it? Any bimbo or jackass can tell you that.

“That’s easy, sorry lor.”

“Regret what you did?”

“Forgive me for I have sinned?”

Here’s the official definition of the meaning of apology,

“A statement of acknowledgment expressing regret or asking pardon”

“Offering of remorse, regret”

“A statement that justifies or defends something, such as a past action or policy”

In layman’s term, I prefer to call it “Repentant of your past actions or deed”. That means you are sorry for what you did and will not repeat it again.

That’s it.

Really?

Wait… please be patient with me for a few more minutes.

How many of us actually mean it? Or having someone who says sorry only to repeat them again?

“I’m so sorry, it won’t happen again. That time was a mistake, I did not know…blah blah blah..”

“I won’t do it again, I’m sorry. Please forgive me? I love you.”

“It’s not as bad as it seems. It was his fault…I am the innocent party here. You don’t believe me?”

Aghhh!!! Shut the fuck up!

Sometimes, I feel like stuffing my smelly sock into their stinky mouths instead!
Hahaha..

Why do people say sorry? A few reasons to it. Let me share it with you.

The main one is, to get away from trouble, consequences or perhaps embarrassment. Most of us apply it.

A not so serious one will be like stepping on someone’s toe. Natural reaction will be, “I’m so sorry.” followed with a sheepish smile and move on.

But, I do encounter some very righteous people around, they say sorry at first, then they curse and swear quietly at the victims instead???!!

“Idiot. Put your foot out for what? Who asked you to get in the way?”

“No common sense! So crowded here. Dun know how to avoid getting stepped on is it??”

“Clumsy fool.”

Please take note that, it also depends on who the person get his/her toe step on. If he/she is someone with the less important status, like some foreign workers? They will not even get a simple look. Talk about apologies? NO freaking way! But, if it’s a VIP? I bet the perpetrator will even lick his shoes or toes. Hahaha.

Sounds rather familiar? Hey? I got to admit, I am like that too once! Hahaha..

Shocking? Aw...c’mon, we are human after all. And Human nature by all means are kind of self centered. We do not like to feel wrong or stupid. We like to be admired and told we are right. To feed our deflating ego, we do all sorts to get recognition from peers, friends, parents, superiors, and ….damn it! Almost every one that “looks important” it seems.

We do not like to be told we’re wrong. We love it when told we are right, good, the best, and all the “positive” bulls and lies that people can think of.

The next kind of apology is the genuine and sincere kind.

They are the most sought after type. This kind of apology is from those who see themselves as idiots, assholes, son of a bitch, Bitch, criminals and even The Great Pretender too. They feel the hurt and pain of those affected by their course of actions, deeds, words or lies that they had done or said before. They are remorseful and really really very very much want to rectify or correct their mistakes. This kind of apology usually comes with a price. They will pay or take some form of punishment willingly.

I said, if they are truly repentant and beg for forgiveness, we should forgive them. And when we forgive them, please do not hold any grudges against them. They have paid their dues. We may not forget it easily but we MUST remember to let it go and keep reminding ourselves that they are forgiven, and if we dig those past records to use as weapons against them in any argument, then we are in the wrong. Because, we had given them our forgiveness. I personally love this kind of apology. Isn’t it obvious?

Now, another kind of apology is the opposite of what I had just mentioned. This kind is the most dreaded, deceitful and disastrous kind. It always have a “but” to it. No, this is not a spelling mistake here. Not the butt as in your buttock, the most common used word in the excuse reasoning story. The word “But” sounds like, “it’s not what it seems”.

I’ll give you this illustration to relate.

A man loves this woman very much. Makes sacrifice for her, took risks and will not think of anything else but her. Cos, he believed he had met the perfect woman in his entire life. No one can replace her. That’s really something isn’t it? Love so strong that can move mountains and part oceans. Something like that I think.

As in any other relationship, it all builds on mutual trust and individuals' past and present stories, and trying to know each other's personalities in order to determine whether it’s the perfect person to love or not. And of cos, the things they do together and say plays a part too. In short, any idiot who had ever been in love with someone knows what the feeling is like. Not to mention the normal folks like us.

Everything seems like a romantic fairy tale right?

Until..

Man found out woman is not who she says she is. There’s a dark and perverted past she wanted to bring to the grave with her. Woman thought that by not telling Man the truth, Man will not be hurt and perhaps will not be sadden or depressed by the truth. Woman painted Man a beautiful different story of her past to him hoping that he will love her more. Woman did love man very much.

But, woman’s method is applying falsehood and lies! Man was heartbroken when he learns the truth, not because of her immoral past, instead, the lies was revealed by his friend who knew about the Woman’s past.

Man confronted Woman about her past, Woman did not deny it. Woman confessed everything to Man. And Man having loved her deeply and sensing Woman indeed, still loves him, decides to tell himself this. “If Woman had told me this herself in the beginning, it wouldn’t be so painful, now that I’ve learned the truth about her from someone else after so long we’ve been together, I have to decide whether this woman is indeed trustworthy or not”

Man who had told Woman everything about his dirty and shameless pasts, asked why was he the only one who admitted. While she portrayed herself to be a victim of circumstances? Men got furious and called her names and in a fit of anger, broke off the relationship. And when Man is composed again, he decided to give Woman a chance to redeem herself.

Here’s how Woman apologized.

“I’m truly sorry for not telling you the truth earlier in the relationship, “BUT” I was hoping you won’t know so that you won’t be hurt and be depressed by it.”

“Yes, I am very sorry for lying to you about my past, “BUT” you should not be calling me names like that, I hate you for it.”

“They are not someone I just get to know, they are someone I knew for a long time, “But” you make me look like I am sleeping around.”

“I am wrong not to tell you the truth, “BUT” It’s because I love you.”

BUT

A truly unique word. There’s always an excuse for every occasion.


Understand that, in this kind of hopeless situation where the cards are all laid out for everyone to see. The guilty party is plain obvious and yet, they refuse to give up and give in. They will not rest without putting up a nasty fight.

Ever heard this line before, “Why should I apologize?” Even after proving and showing them they are in the wrong.
In the public eyes, they will get their justifications whether they like it or not. Get fined, or go to prison or be hanged.

What about in the case of someone you love?

Why can’t he or she just bloody apologize and admit it’s their fucking mistake, humble themselves and get ready for reprimanding?

What so fucking difficult to say sorry and bow down?

Well, for those who have an ego the size of our closest star, the Sun, do you think they can just say sorry to you? Even in their face, they may be lost for words at first. But, when they recompose themselves, they are going to seek revenge on you for shaming them like that.

A very good Denier can even turn the situation to their advantage.

Most of us had heard about the story of the Burglar who sued the house owner with a faulty rooftop. The Burglar broke his leg while trying to burglarize the house from the roof. He came crashing down from the roof and broke his leg. He got compensation from the house owner and the lawyer got a big fat pay.

“I’m sorry for breaking into your home sir, but your bloody roof gave way and now, I can’t walk anymore!!! It’s your entire fucking fault you did not fix your goddamn roof!”

WTF??

It seems like the worst kind of apologies are from people with very PRIDEFUL and EGOISTIC kind of personalities.
We sometimes call it stubbornness.

Worst case scenario is they will use deceit or lies to talk their way out of the situation. Or, turn it around and make it looks like the persecutor becomes the defendant.

A man who goes astray and when caught red handed can make himself looks like he is the victim of circumstances.

“It’s not what it seems, we are good friends” (Caught holding hands)

“I was drunk, she seduced me at first” (Caught in some happening club)

“I have my sexual needs. You won’t understand!” (Caught coming out from hotel with another woman)

Just bloody admit it and stop whining about it! Apologize sincerely and try to work your way back to the same spot where you just left off! Why can’t we see ourselves making mistakes?

Most of the bosses are like that. They made mistake in their job and they blame their subordinate for it. And their subordinate goes home feeling frustrated about their day, take it out on their loved one. And so begins the vicious cycle. Happens all the time, perhaps, the Bosses found out their spouses' mistakes and instead of persecuting them, he/she got blamed for their actions?

Who knows?

To conclude this boring topic I am writing here, my personal point of view is.

WE LIVE A HAPPIER LIFE IF WE ADMIT OUR MISTAKE GRACEFULLY

And so, I apologise to those who are affected by what I wrote here, it wasn’t a personal attack, I am just stating my beliefs only.

Note: Sweet and sour comments are welcome.



Related posts:
[Never Go to Bed Angry]
[Do/say first, apologise later]

3 comments:

Yu-Kym said...

Another type of "apology" that I hate is: "I'm sorry IF blah blah blah".

E.g.
I'm sorry IF you think I was flirting with that gal.
I'm sorry IF you are unhappy about what I said.

This kind of sorry is similar to saying "I'm sorry about your grandma's death."
Meaning, I feel sorry for you but it's not my fault!

Hayabusa said...

Well, i kinda disagree with the part with "buts" & "ifs". some "buts" do have their worth, as although apparently one party is at fault, it doesn't always mean that the other party has no responsibility at all. whether to apologize or not, it's sometimes dependent on the point of view, so that's where the "ifs" comes in. but generally, i do agree that the world'd be a better place to live in if everyone admits their faults gracefully, & be rid of people who has sun-sized egos & refuse to apologize regardless of the circumstances & stuff.

Yu-Kym said...

I know so many people who are constantly trying to justify what they have done or push the blame to someone else that when someone apologises without "ifs" and "buts", I am surprised and sometimes doubtful. There are guys who would apologise to me just because they're trying to get into my pants. I might not accept an apology at face value when it might indeed be a sincere apology. It's sad but when it comes to such things I prefer to err on the side of caution.