Is everyone as innocent as they look?


When an opposite sex friend asks you out for a dinner or a casual date, do you think twice about it?
Many of us don't really ponder over it. If both are singles. Why not?

Some will go,
"Hey, what can actually happen?"
" I can control the situations."
"Nah, he can't be like that kind. I known him for years.."
"We're just friends..serious."

Now, what if the one being ask is, should I say, rather attractive where else the one asking is not.
Am sure most of us knew the answer to that.
The one asking is obviously interested.

Let us picture this, a man asking an attractive gal out.
The gal is attached. Guy asks Gal out for a casual date. Gal thinks he is a friend after all. Her partner should not worried or get jealous at all.
The date proceeds as any other normal date.
Talking, laughing, reminiscing about the good old days...
Dinner done, guy paid up and suggested they have a drink instead.
Gal, feeling good about the whole evening decides she shouldn't spoil the evening by ending the date so early. Drinking is good for relaxation. Both agreed to it. Conversations like small irrelevant topics lead to something more heartfelt and personal.
We all knows gals love to have a listening ear around to her problems. Guy know that. Gal pours her heart out and weeps. Guy, offers his shoulder for comfort. Order few more drinks. Sad stories turn to a happier times. Such as how they knew each other. Judgment and logical thinking drops. Guy makes a move on her, hand touches. Body language is on the red alert. Alcohol cloaks up what's right and what's wrong. Guy leans forward to test water. A friendly peck on gal's cheek. No resistance. Guy thinks to himself, "what are you waiting for? Go for the kill, man." A gentle peck leads to lips kissing. Gal is overwhelmed with alcohol and emotions. Gal returns back a wet kiss. Our lips are full of nerve endings that can arouse a person erotically. Too weak to resist such a forbidden situation, too tempting and Gal thinks Guy is a nice person after all.
They had sex.
When Gal's head is sober and clearer now, she feels guilty and regretted what she did. She stops seeing Guy. On the other hand, Guy lives to tell his tale of conquest to his friends or plots another sessions with another female friend.

We are all too familiar with this kind of stories.
My question here is, why do we allow ourselves to fall into such trap?

A Guy can get himself tempted into certain situations where he may regrets later too.
How else do High profile man got set up by those innocent looking ladies whom they think they can get away with it?
Aaron Kwok, Jackie Chan, some Politicians as well..
For celebrity, it's call Scandal.
But, what about ordinary folks like us?
One night Stand? Can we call that, if two of them knew each other?
Oh, what the heck, they should know each other, that's why they had sex isn't it? A day to many years is consider knowing each other right?
Unlike sex worker, they don't ask so much. That means she and the guy dun know each other and Guy had to pay money to her. Not buying her dinner or drinks to get laid.

Like the saying goes, Preventions is always better than Cure.
If the Gal had taken up the precautions and deny the Guy the chance to date her, will she fall into his trap?
Sometimes, it's the ego of the person being asked on a date. Everyone loves attentions. Ever heard of Date rape? Well, that's another example.
Yet, Gal chose to believe that Guy is innocent, and since he is a friend, he won't do such a horrible thing. Now, it happens, Gal and Guy try not to talk about it and hopefully, it'll get swept under the carpet instead. Forgotten. Guy dun talk, Gal dun talk, they are sure their partners won't know right?
Or so it seems.
There's a saying, Your past will haunt you back if you don't confront it head on.
Anyway, there's consider "Cure". Trying to find a solution to the problem which she should have prevented instead. Worst case scenario, unwanted pregnancy, sexual diseases, or blackmailing? Am sure most of us knew the pills to the problems.
"Pregnant? get an abortions lor"
"so easy.."
"infections ar? see a doctor lor.."
"so easy.."
"Blackmailing ar?"
"why that bastard..!How dare he??!!"

Now, that's textbook example, how about if we ever encounter such a situation ourselves?
What if your spouse or partner (GF/BF) tell you he or she is going on a one-on-one date with an opposite sex friend?
Should you give your blessings or object to it outright?
To give your blessings, seems like a noble thing to do ya? You just have to pray hard that nothing will happen that night or after. After as in next week or the next few dates later. Depends on how patient the wolf in sheep skin is.
Or,take your stand. Object outright!
But, you'll be accused of being possessive and over jealous.
There will be arguments involved too.
Give and take also cannot, so how?

The best solution is: educate your dearest about the wickedness in the hearts of mankind.
Not everyone who calls himself a friend is really a friend.
The true meaning of friends is defined here..

*Friendship is co-operative and supportive behavior between two or more people. In this sense, the term connotes a relationship which involves mutual knowledge, esteem, and affection and respect along with a degree of rendering service to friends in times of need or crisis.

Not having any agenda or ill intentions.

Yet, surprisingly, there are fools out there who prefer to see the "good" side to their so-called friends.
Even though they had been lied to, mistreated, insulted and yet, without asking for forgiveness and repentant of what they did before, the fool still treats them as friends.
Why do humans love to be deceived?
Why do we love to see only the Worst and the Best only?
Why can't we learn to be more moderate and see things more realistically.

As for me?
"When my most darkest hour is at bay, when all hopes are dashed.
And yet, you remain rooted. You did not flee or abandon me. You picked me up and nursed me back."
That is what I call a friend.

Not some Tom, Dick or Harry whom you KNOW.
Notice I emphasize the word know.
During the course of your short life on this planet, you will get to know many and all kinds of people who claim they are your friends. Just because you work together, study together or through some networks, you get to meet or know them.
I call them by names, or associates. People who I know. I never allow myself to address them as friends.
Rather, "people who I know" or " I know this gal/guy."
I do not allow myself to call them friends unless we really sincerely and mutually helped each other before.

Another question.
Do I sleep with my friend?
Why not?
I was in the army before.

I will not see myself having an intimate sexual relationship with my friend and later on, still consider them as "just a friend only mah." and the best part is, I wonder how some can still pretend nothing had ever happened.
Still can carry a face like they are innocent and act as though they do not have any scandalous affair.
I am not a saint myself, I admit I had my fair share of misdeeds last time, and I do not hide them.
Hiding your past is a very bad mistake most of us make.

If someone who tells you he/she loves you and when you let them know about your past misdeeds, if they leave you, they are not worth it. They should accept your past and be glad you made changes.

But, if you hide your past from your loved one and when he /she found out without you telling them..
You better go down on your knees and ask for forgiveness..
Cos, it's much much painful to know the truth from someone rather than from the direct source itself.

Learning from experience, I can really say this.
Don't assume everyone is as innocent as they look.
They may have a very dark history which they want to hide from you. And if that past is not confronted and dealt with, chances are, history will repeat itself.


Yu-Kym said...

This is Mr Choo's debut post :) As you can see, his style of writing is quite different from mine. (Spammer!!! :P )
I can relate to this post. Sometimes guys will tell me that they want to meet up "as friends" but I suspect that they have more on their minds. Should I not bother to meet up "as friends" , or should I take the risk and spend my time meeting a "friend"?

Anthony said...

Hmm Kym, can I take it that you already have an answer in your heart but you are asking for opinions to see whether other people think the same as you? :P

De Maitre said...

Nice post Mr Choo!! Very thought provoking. But I more afraid of people calling me up when they need my money rather than my company, so in a warped way, no one is as innocent as they look. Everyone has hidden agendas.

By the way, I have feedback! I think your post would look a lot better if you italicize each new "concepts" that you bring up? E.g. One night stands?

Your writing style is very similar to my blog partner, WK, you both adore having sentences as paragraphs! =) Maybe you could add a space in between each sentence?

Yu-Kym said...

Hi Anthony, I don't really have an answer. It's hard to know a person's true intention. I may make the mistake of misunderstanding a sincere friend as insincere and vice versa.

Hayabusa said...

Dude, nice post!! i like one of your points. the part that says you don't just call anyone your friends. i do that myself.

As for people's intention, well... it's bloody damn hard to perceive, but that's also why we're humans anyways. animals don't lie, humans do. my logic's this, if that so-called friend does take you as a friend & know that you're attached, he/she'll refrain himself or herself to just call you up for a casual date. absolute necessities circumstances won't even qualify as a date in the first place.

So if your "friend" is asking for a casual date, make sure to ask if you can bring someone else along (bf/gf if attached). usually, a "real" friend won't mind that. but those who "dress as a pig to eat a tiger" won't think so & make other approaches... so then it's up to your own judgment on what to do...