Should you "test drive" before marriage?

Should you take a car out for a test drive before buying it? All of us would definitely agree that we should!

Should you have sex with your wife- or husband-to-be before marriage? I don't think it's that easy to come to a consensus on this.

In the TV series Sex and the City, Charlotte did not have sex with her husband-to-be until 1 day before the wedding. She found out that he couldn't, well, rise to the occasion but married him anyway though she had doubts about it. Her sex life after marriage was miserable and she divorced the guy in the end. Should she have taken the guy for a test drive much earlier so that she would have more time to assess his ability to perform and their sexual compatibility? I know this is fiction but I'm sure it happens to many people in reality.

I have gal friends who were virgins and did not have sex with their husbands before marriage because of personal choice, cultural and religious views. After marriage, they found sex to be less than satisfactory, e.g. poor sexual skills, poor stamina, small dick, erectile dysfunction, etc. I have guy friends who tell me that their wives have no interest in sex at all. So what to do? In Singapore, couples cannot get divorced or have their marriages annulled based on sexual incompatibility. Couples with sexual incompatibility issues would probably have to tell some lies or go for a 3- or 4-year separation if they want to split up.

I agree that there are other aspects to marriage to consider besides sex. However, I think sex is a very important component of marriage. Otherwise, why bother to get married if you're not going to enjoy the sex? Won't it be better to remain non-sexual partners who live in the same house, share expenses, provide emotional support to each other and do activities together, and not have to go through the headache and expense of having a wedding and possibly getting a divorce after that?

I don't know why the answer to whether one should test drive a car before buying it is so straightforward while the answer to whether couple should have sex before marriage has got to be so complicated. Or maybe the pre-marriage test drive doesn't matter at all because as you've heard people say: sex stops after marriage!

[Withholding Sex]


Anonymous said...

well it is not like buying a wife and I were both virgins until the wedding night and that was about 16 years ago..till today we are times still like newly weds....both have to play their part/role...guys always want to have sex without wanting to 'work' (foreplay) for it....that is why they visit pros...just pay and 1 cent thought

Yu-Kym said...

Good for you! Do you think yours is an exception?
As for guys who visit pros, I think there are many reasons. The reason you mentioned is 1 of them.

imthekingg said...

i find that those guys going for pros are just too despo. pros are just doing for the money. i would rather do it with someone whom i like or love.

Mr Choo said...

Sex is consider when the penis enter the vagina, am I right to say that?
So, during the courtship, should couples talk and touch each other before they get married?
I mean, they can dun have "sex", but, they should at least get comfortable with each other's physical body before commiting to marriage right?
My suggestion to the woman is, to touch his crotch to if he got wood or not. That's the softporn rated. For the hard core ones, just whip it out and play with it and see if it's a min man or a marathon runner. Same for the man too, He can fonder and see if she is receptive to his touch or plain wooden dummy.
It's still possible to buy a car without test driving it..
Hear the sound of the engine, open the damn hood and scrutinise it, eye ball it all round for any defects, or have a mechanic check it out for you. To certify it's road worthy. eg. Vicom.
Use a bit of imaginations, we can see the similiarity for the to be purchase car and the bride/groom.

guy said...

Personally i support 'test drive', at least comfortable in sex, sex is import in life/marriage life. I did 'test drive' with my gf, different feeling. Personal experience, one of my ex-gf her breast is 'hard' type not soft, touch it also no mood to 'grow'. I do support 'test drive' before marriage.

Anonymous said...

Yes! i had a bf who with small penis and 1 who don't really has skills on playing the game. So i think we should test drive before marriage. marriage is about enjoy doing things together...

Anonymous said...

Perhaps "test drive" is a little crude a term to use but it's not far from the truth in the sense that I would "test drive" everything from sex to personality to my in-laws before marriage. Unless religion, culture or other restrictions forbid, courtship is 'test driving" every little aspect of the individual as far as possible. Not to do so is being unwise in this day and age. This is obviously not to say that you should force sex on an unwilling party before marriage.

A work colleague of mine goes as far as to invite her daughter's prospective hubby-to-be on a holiday with them so as to observe the clueless young man's behaviour during breakfast, lunch and dinner and throughout the whole trip.

Marriage is a serious "business". If you dont do due diligence, you are not minimising the things that will surely go wrong in the years ahead.

curious cat

Yu-Kym said...

Mr Choo, I completely agree that the woman should check whether it is working or not. If put the key in and the car can't start, or worse still, can't even put the key in, they why buy the car?

guy, would her "hard" breasts stop you from marrying her if everything else in the relationship was ok?

Anon, would his small penis keep you from marrying him?

curious cat, due diligence LOL It's a good idea to observe the person for straight number of days. Because a person can be on his best behaviour for a few hours but over a few days straight, it's hard to pretend for that long.

Anonymous said...

Hello, it is difficult to disagree with the pros of 'test-driving' B4 marriage.

But: does anyone support an ancient wisdom; anticipation is very much a part of the pleasure?

If u fancy a guy and he turns out to be real cute, nice; what better way to show your love than by not consumating B4 marrying? Virginity in mind & body, can only be given away once.

Should u not give it to yr husband?

Anonymous said...

Anonymous on "anticipation...pleasure, virginity in mind..",

Absolutely I support! But with qualifications.

Because virginity is only in the mind, that is why it's not critical to remain a virgin till one is married. It's psychological, therefore it's superficial to insist on virginity as a pre-requisite to prove your love.

And Yes!...anticipation too is very much part of pleasure...but anticipation also creates high expectation. And if that expectation is met, good! If not?

We all know even during our very first date, we are likely to bungle in a myriad of different possible ways. What more being virgins in our very first love making? So anticipation too can end in an anti-climax or disappointment.

That is why perhaps these days Yu-Kym thinks twice about having a tryst in bed with a virgin. She puts the guy on a 3-mth probation first. But there is still a chance for the virgin but dont set your hopes too high. lol

And do you think your husband-to-be would have saved his virginity for you as you have for him? Will you be disapppointed if you found out that his "once" was not with you? Because others before you found him cute and nice too? keke

curious cat

Yu-Kym said...

Anon, sex imagined is often much better than the actual sex - which might be anti-climax when the couple is sexually inexperienced.