Extramarital affairs

18
Make no mistake: women are just as guilty as men. It may seem like not as many women have affairs but that's because women tend to be more discreet.

Men have a lower tolerance for their wives having affairs compared to women's tolerance for their husbands having affairs. This explains why women tend to be more discreet. Men, on the other hand, usually don't make the effort to conceal their affairs. It thought of as something normal because "men have needs". It almost seems like affairs are one thing on the to-do list to check off! Some men even bring their girlfriends along to social activities with their friends. It's nice to have a trophy to prove that they are man enough or rich enough to get a girlfriend or mistress. Women tend to be forgiving towards their adulterous husbands, especially if they have children. The older generation of women would half expect a man to stray and advise their daughters to "close one eye" to the affairs. (One or 2 generations before, it was common for Chinese men to have more than 1 wife though. Polygamy is no longer legal in Singapore except that Muslim men can take up to 4 wives but subject to rules and guidelines).

There are theories and studies concluding that men are more disturbed if their wives have physical affairs rather than emotional ones, while women tend to be more disturbed if their husbands have emotional affairs rather than physical ones. Men would have greater jealously over their wives' physical infidelity because they could end up raising some other man's child. Women would more jealous over a partner's emotional infidelity because she could lose their husbands' resources (e.g. money, protection) for her and her children. Not all psychologists and researchers agree with this though. But when I think about it, it sounds kind of accurate. A man would not want to be made a cuckold and hates the idea of people knowing that his wife is sleeping around (loss of face and would it mean that he's bad in bed?). A woman usually does not divorce her cheating husband because she needs his money to raise the children.

I have male friends who have been unfaithful to their wives. (As for my female friends, I'm sure there are some but, like I said, women are discreet!) They didn't stop after they got caught. Not one of them. Of course they promised their wives that they would stop but they didn't. I have this theory that men who cheat on their wives or gfs (some married men cheat on their wives and gfs with other women!) will continue to do so until viagra can't help them anymore.

I wouldn't want a relationship with a married man who claims to be unhappy in his marriage. There can never be any good outcome from such a relationship. If he cheats on his wife with me, I can never be sure that he will not cheat on me with another woman.

Related post:
[The perfect life or the perfect lie?]

18 comments:

jen said...

"discreet", not "discrete".

Yu-Kym said...

Ha! Thanks for taking the trouble to tell me!

~Pink Miu Miu~ said...

ha..i agreed completely..

Anonymous said...

yup, i agreed to the last point u saying

Anonymous said...

Marriage had lost its value or shall i say "Humans have lost their moral values". If we can uphold the values in our daily life, we would be a respectable person in this society and will have a better happier life but why we chose not to do so is because people no longer believe in moral values but rather put FUN in everything they do or in other terms is called "Modern Life" - Nicholas C

Anonymous said...

so free-sex life is good moral values?

Anonymous said...

Ah! Men like free fuck. So am I but I am faithful to my wife but what can I do? I just masturbate when I see one hot girl that I can fuck with in my dream! It's a sad reality; what can a man do if he is always horny as hell and the wife is not? 2 options: masturbate or affair.

Yu-Kym said...

Moral values change all the time. 2 generations ago, it was common for Chinese men in Singapore to have many wives.

I think men like to fuck whether it's free or not. Great that you are faithful to your wife! I don't see anything wrong with masturbation. (Some religions might say it's wrong).

Anonymous said...

I like my wife very much. But is doing another women just to "release" considered an affair?

Yu-Kym said...

Yes, it is. It's a "physical" affair but not an "emotional" affair.

Michael Kleder said...

The modern use of cell phone has now made cheating easier because the cheat can communicate with his or her lover anywhere and even anytime. It can be in the car, at the park, in the bathroom and even some unusual places. What is cheat cannot doctor are the incoming and outgoing calls on the cell phone bill. If you can lay your hands on this, then the puzzle is half solved.

Yu-Kym said...

Agree. I've heard that's how some people find out about their cheating spouse.

lonly kenny said...

im 57 and have been married 39 years. i have had 2 affair. i enjoyed them very much but thay were very devestating to my marrige. now my wife wont have sex with me but on rare occasions.im looking for another affair to fulfill my need to hold someone. i no its wrong but masterbation isnt doing it for me. life sucks. i wish i could change things back before the affairs. any suggestions?

Yu-Kym said...

lonly kenny, you enjoyed 2 affairs and you say life sucks? I'm surprised your wife would even have sex with you at all. Actually "sexless marriage", i.e. sex once or twice a year is common but nobody would tell you about it. Only divorce lawyers and counselors would have that information. Perhaps your wife has not healed from the hurt or forgiven you, thus making it difficult for her to be intimate with you physically and mentally. I'm not sure if time will change anything. Don't think too much about the end result of sex but try to treasure each moment that you have with her.

Anonymous said...

Hi Yu-Kym, I fully agreed with you over the part where women always in the lossing end with another married man. My case is pathetic as my ex-wife till today still believed she has found her soulmate with another married man who claimed that his wife is insane. And she had an affair with him for almost 2 yrs before I discovered it, sadly she's still think that its alright for her as long as she's not asking that man to leave his wife. Then again, I am just waiting to see when this man get tired of fxxking her and start to hunt for another dumb woman like herself. (sorrie abt the choice of words used, but that's the most suitable to discribe such women). She rather give up our marriage over that man she thinks he's a much better man or husband then me. While that man already stated that he will not divorce his wife for her, and cant afford to support her financially. Now she's depending on me over the financial support as she said its rightful for me to fulfil my part as the women charter say so.. as badly hurt I am I will still support her till she pass on her life.. sometime I dont know what I am doing but then its not easy to forgo someone whom you love with your life.. just my sharing of 2 cents worth of thoughts.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous on his ex-wife,

I say you are the one on the losing end. Leave your wife lah. She is not worth your ill-founded sacrifice. Start afresh with a new woman who deserve more your fidelity and care. You will be able to love again.

curious cat

Anonymous said...

My observation is that in a marriage without intimacy or sex it will not last long before either party starts going out to have affairs. sex within a marriage is very very important.

I know of a close relative was fooling around for years the wife was the quiet type very demure & homely after their first kid they didn't have much sex. Like she was off sex. He was the envy of everyone homely wife stay home look after the kid while he has a free hand to party like a bachelor and ride off into the sunset everyday One day she caught him red handed but it turns out she too confessed she was also having affair with an office colleague so much for being homely huh, they are now on the rocks.

I know of friend too in similar situations screwing around outside openly, all guys always always wonder how he gets away with it the wife does not seem to take that the wife don't seem to notice? Now I know there it's usually more than meets the eye in such situations.

For guys who think their wives don't have a clue to their fooling around I think better wise up fast. Women have bonding sessions with friends who can help them analyze if their husbands are cheating on them.

paul

Harcourt Baron said...
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