Bullshitting 101

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I bought a pair of sunglasses recently. When the salesperson was preparing the receipt, she asked me for my phone number. I can understand if the receptionist at a clinic asks me for it but for the purchase of sunglasses?? I asked her, “Why?” She replied, “For our boss to know that you’re a real customer and not his own staff making the purchase.”

I think you agree with me that the answer was complete bullshit! It’s not as if the sunglasses were free of charge. If I were the boss, I won’t give a shit about verifying customers as long as the money in the cash register. Anyway, I really didn’t want to give out my phone number so I diverted her attention by asking whether I could get a free gift. She handed me a free gift (a bottle of shampoo) and the receipt for the sunglasses without pressing on for my handphone number. Perhaps she was relieved that I didn’t ask “Why” to her bullshit answer.

Bullshitting sometimes gets us out of trouble; at other times it gets us into trouble. Nevertheless, talking bullshit is a very important and useful skill to have. The ability to identify bullshit is the next level of bullshitting skill to possess. The highest level would be the ability to handle bullshit.

Level 1: Talking bullshit

Some people have a natural ability to come up with bullshit. If you’re not one of them, here are some tips:

- Don’t take too long to think about how you’re going to bullshit. Either way it’s still going to be bullshit so why not just get it out asap.
- If you know you will be in a situation in which you are required to bullshit, e.g. performance appraisal discussions, client meetings, etc, it’s best if you prepare your bullshit in advance.
- If you can’t convince them, confuse them. Most people are too embarrassed or proud to admit that they are confused and to ask questions. But this could backfire especially if you’re trying to give bullshit to a person with level 2 skills.

Level 2: Identifying bullshit

Most of us are able to smell bullshit from a distance. E.g. staff meetings, the reasons teenagers give you for coming home late, the reasons you gf/bf/spouse gives you for coming home late, why you partner doesn’t want to have sex with you, etc.
If you can only smell the bullshit but you have difficulty seeing it, try asking “Why?”

Level 3: Handling bullshit

If you don’t care whether the person is offended or not, just scream, ”That’s complete bullshit!!!”
If not, offer the bullshitter a way out or an opportunity to backpeddle. People don’t like to be pushed into a corner. Your offering of an escape route is usually appreciated and that could benefit you in other ways (e.g. they could feel guilty and do something nice for you like give you a free bottle of shampoo).


So you think this post is bullshit? I can’t be teaching Bullshit 101 if I don’t know how to bullshit, can I?

4 comments:

AB said...

could u tell if the girl was lesbian?

Yu-Kym said...

Not sure how to tell whether a gal is a "female" lesbian? She definitely wasn't a "male" lesbian.

Shaun said...

You should have asked for her number, see her reaction. haha

Anonymous said...

Great Stuff!!