What kind of person do I want to be?

6
It occurred to me that I might have been asking the wrong question all along.

I ask myself: what do I want? In some aspects of my life, I know what I want. In other, I can't figure what I want and that troubles me at times. I never get this thing that I want, does that mean I can never be fully and truly happy? What I do know is that I don't always get what I want - not because I didn't try hard enough but there are many things which are beyond my control. For example, in my post yesterday, I said I want a loving relationship with my mother. However, how she treats me is not within my control.

This lead me to realise that the question I should be asking myself is: what kind of person do I want to be?

I want to be a loving sister, daughter, girlfriend, etc.
I want be true to myself.
I want to be an honest person in all aspects of my life.
I want to be a person who lives in harmony with nature.
I want to be a person who keeps fit and eats well.
I want to be a person who puts in best effort in all that I do.
I want to be a person who is never discouraged, stays hopeful and keeps trying.
I want to be a person who follows her dreams and lives life with passion.

I need to choose the things I do and say keeping in mind the person that I want to be. Applying these to:
1. My relationship with my mother:
I can still be loving towards my mother even though she may say nasty things to me.
I will not do as she says if it requires me to be true to myself.
I will not give up hope on our relationship and still do my best to build it.
I will still be the person that I want to be even though I may never have the relationship that I want.

2. My (lack of) love life:
I'm going to be nobody else but myself.
I will be honest with my partner and myself. I will not bluff or convince myself to accept behaviour which I know is unacceptable, e.g. dishonesty and lack of respect [see #1-5 in my post about my dream guy].

3. My work:
I will put in my best regardless of how I feel about my job.
I will based my next job/business on things that I'm passionate about.
I will persevere in times of difficulties.


If I never have the things that I want that's ok. I just need to be the person that I want to be.

What kind of person do you want to be?

6 comments:

hedonist said...

that's really brave of you.

as for me, i got lost between the grey lines. I thought i knew who i wanted to be and how to get about it, but .... sometimes life throws u a curve ball and ur reaction to it inadvertently puts u in a place u never thought u'd be :)

Yu-Kym said...

haha life is crazy! isn't it exciting? :)

Anonymous said...

hi kym

personal boundaries are part and parcel of life. self worth is a quality which some of us take years to own or understand. i still do not know why you need to sexualise aspects of yourself on this blog. there is no need...if anything at all, it is merely scraping the surface of our bodies and knowing what our hormones or imagination can do.

the harder but more honest road may be in self-confrontation, when we seek to understand our own capacity to feel broken and begin from there...i dedicate these lines from one of my fav poets to you...hoping you will grow to care for yourself in ways that lead to deeper self-respect just like it did for me...

Anonymous said...

Be patient towards all that is unsolved in your heart.
Try to love the questions themselves.
Do not seek the answers which cannot be given.

Because you would not be able to live them.

And the point is –
To live everything…
Live the questioning now.
Perhaps you will then gradually,
Without noticing them,
Live along some distant day,
Into the answers…

rainer maria rilke

Yu-Kym said...

Hi anon, I understand that you are uncomfortable with my posts and pictures. You are entitled to think whatever you like about my seeming lack of personal boundaries, honesty with myself and self-respect. You don't know for a fact that you're further down the road, have deeper self-respect or are more honest with yourself than I am.

David said...

Yu-Kym,

Very interesting points and discussion.

Point 2. My (lack of) love life:
Everything you write here is very true.

Honesty is very important.

Obviously the lack of a true love in you life bothers you.

Consider that you are still very young, and while experienced in many ways. You lack the seasoning, that comes with time to grow and reflect on successes and failures. We all fail in relations. The only true failures occur when we do not learn from failed relations.

Love is often confused for lust, it happens, this is common.

One more important thing in your life. You have turned away from the source, creator of love, and all the great gifts to humankind.

Love, affection and friendship do not exist in a vacuum. These qualities go beyond mere animal instinct.

As always I look forward to your response.

David