My dream guy

Some people might think I'm too fussy when it comes to choosing a boyfriend. Why shouldn't I be? I have a fairly clear idea of what I look for in a guy. I believe this: never settle. I'd rather hang out at home with my teddy bear than with a guy who isn't a good match!

Here are the 6 things I look for in a guy:

1. Honesty
"Honesty is the best policy."
"The truth will set you free. "
We are all so familiar with these phrases but it can be difficult to practice. How would you respond if someone who is fat asks you "do I look fat?" I think people tell lies when (a) they think that the other person cannot handle the truth, and/or (b) they don't want to live with the consequences of telling the truth. Regardless, I still prefer to tell the truth and be told the truth.

2. Reliablility
Don't NATO (no action, talk only). I'm independent and I can do many things on my own but I would like someone who is reliable enough to do what he says he will do and keeps his promises.

3. Respect
I think it's important to have respect for people and nature. Most importantly, a guy should respect his mother (unless she mistreated him). My mother told me that to know how a guy will treat me in the future, I just need to look at how he treats his own mother.

4. Health
The guy should have good physical and emotional health.
Physical health - He should eat well, exercise regularly, and have a fit-looking body.
Emotional health - He should be emotionally secure, not needing excessive reassurance from society, religion or people. He should not feel the need to possess me but allow me freedom of choice.

5. Financial Prudence
Knowing how to balance income with expenditure and savings is important. I don't need a guy with very high income but I cannot accept a guy who spends more than he can earn or borrows money to gamble or to lead a lifestyle beyond his means.

6. Good Looks
I don't mean he needs to look like a superstar. Just someone who is good looking in my eyes and above 1.72m tall :p You can call me superficial but physical appearance is important to me. It's just natural selection!

Are these too much to ask for? Or are you going to tell me to "dream on"?
"Nothing happens unless first a dream." - Carl Sandburg


Betaphats said...

"Nothing happens unless first a dream." - Carl Sandburg

I Can't agree more!

mohamed said...

hi Yu-Kym's i want to talk to you for this things when you like to talk add me

that my mail

i hope you like to talk for me bcs i want that

walaueh said...

hi kym, so what is your ideal actual size? Can describe? Or just bigger wider with curve? How about 7 inches long 1 and half inches width and curve? Ok for you? From walaueh

Yu-Kym said...

walaueh, size is not a basic requirement. But you can read another post about the size:

walaueh said...

hi kym, yup actually i wanna post at that blog but accidentally posted at wrong blog....

ColdTrickle said...


your requirements are basic (and fair) and many guys would fit the criteria.

if you are not fussy, then, why have you not found your dream guy yet?

maybe there are some hidden criteria you are yet to discover for yourself?.... or maybe it is your instinct, as you said in one of your posts.

whatever the reason be, pls do not end up at the end of the buffet line, only to find red-bean soup. you would have not time to turn around.


ColdTrickle said...


i thought this story is very relevant to your dream guy :-)

*The Husband Store ***

A brand new store has just opened in London that sells Husbands. When women go to choose a husband, they have to follow the instructions at the entrance:-

"You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors and the value of the products increase as you ascend the flights. You may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you CANNOT go back down except to exit the building!"

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the 1st floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs.

The 2nd floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

The 3rd floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kid and are extremely good looking. "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the 4th floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 -These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help with Housework. "Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the 5th floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, help with Housework and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the 6th floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

Yu-Kym said...

ColdTrickle, it's not fair to assume that if a person (in this case, me or women) has not found the right partner yet is being fussy and can never be pleased. Though I appreciate the joke and such jokes help us to remind ourselves of what we should avoid becoming, this may cause women to feel that they need to settle for any man whom they think is good enough to avoid being criticised for being fussy and left with nothing. There are more things in life which we can't control than we can control. Getting a suitable partner is one of it.

Btw, all the 6 points above are basic, like you said. But not many guys have all the 6 points covered. Many guys fail on at least 2 or 3 of them.

sk said...

Hi Yu-Kym. Dunno i got the luck to be your so called "dream guy" ^^

Darren said...

Have you found one yet Kym? =)

Yu-Kym said...

Darren, no :( Still only in my dreams.

Darren said...

Aww its okay Kym. Same here same here

*pat pat*

Anonymous said...

Hi Kym,

I like to comment about your post. It's not meant to be harsh, but I guess it comes under your criteria of "being honest" :)

I think the problem is not that you have criteria, but that you do not match the criteria of such a good catch.

I actually fit many of your criteria, but not all of them. Even if you were flexible enough to be willing to consider me, I have to be honest and say I would not consider you, or similar women. Why? Because I do not think you are good looking enough and you are mid 30's. This is not to say you aren't a nice person. I know many friendly single women in their 30's. But I am not attracted to them, and this is important to me.

I also agree with what you said about preferring to be single than being unhappily married with someone. It's a choice between being sad, and being downright miserable.

Thank you for your blog.

An Asian Guy in SG

Yu-Kym said...

An Asian Guy in SG, all I can say is: one man's meat is another man's poison.

Anonymous said...

I find Yu-Kym's criteria perfectly fine for her dream guy! She just have to remember the key word "dream"!

If she finds someone who meets most of the criteria she should do a careful trade off and settle for him if the trade offs are reasonable and workable. If not keep looking till the trade offs can be reached.

If she sticks rigidly to her criteria, then the "dream guy" who will also be searching for his "dream girl" knows that Yu-kym is not exactly very intelligent...but stubborn, rigid, inflexible. Yu-Kym will ruin her potentially exciting life sooner or later if she keeps to her attitudes.

So i say to yu-kym...go for the criteria but keep a level head.

curious cat

Yu-Kym said...

Most people will not be able to articulate what they're looking for.

These above 6 points are essentials not to be compromised. I write them here so that I will not forget them. Every time in the past that I compromised on 1 or more of these points, I would eventually (after oxytocin tapers down) realise that the point was important to me after all.

Anonymous said...

the following comment is resent coz my laptop dont seem to indicate that the original has been sent successfully.

I'm sad for you Yu-Kym if you stick too rigidly to the 6 points. I can understand the extreme standards on 5 points but i dont see why the good looks factor cannot be less strict. Even then, the other 5 most impt factors too deserves some compromise in exceptional situations. Being 100% non negotiable is a folly.

Just because you have been disappointed or wronged before does not mean that compromisation is at fault. It could also mean your thought process on when, what and how much to compromise is faulty.

So blaming the past results on your compromising nature is wrong. In fact the ability to compromise wisely is a very good virture to have.

curious cat

Yu-Kym said...

curious cat, the first 5 cannot be compromised. Can I accept a man 1. who isn't honest, 2. is not reliable, 3. does not respect me, 4. does not take care of his own health, 5. is not financially prudent? As for #6 looks, he must be pleasing to my eye - I did not say everyone must think he's good-looking.

Anonymous said...

No, one cannot accept an dishonest man. Nor can one accept if he is unreliable not show u disrespect. If he does not take care of his health, it tells a lot about him too. I too would hold to these high standards.

But what if a man is only 1.69m tall, OR he was once caught for dishonesty but has since learnt his folly; OR was caught for being unreliable but has since promised not to repeat this behaviour; OR was once disrespectful to someone close to you but has since realised too his error and mend his ways?

Why cant he deserve a 2nd chance fm you if he is not a habitual error prone person, a serial liar etc?

Dont u think you are too unforgiving when a man has shown u that he has learnt his lessons?

what about you? are u that perfect too in all or some of these standards?

curious cat

Anonymous said...

this is not to say that a man can commit all these wrong doings once, he has learnt and he can be automatically forgiven and you automatically compromise.

I'm just saying dont be so 100% unforgiving, strict and non negotiable. Leave some margin to allow some compromise if and when that moment requires it.

When will that moment come? Ahh... that all depends on the actual circumstances, your intelligence, wisdom and experience, analytical ability and logical thought process.

curious cat

Yu-Kym said...

It usually takes some time to see what a person is like, though at times 1 incident is enough to reach a conclusion.

I wrote in my post, Does the past matter? , that "person with a clean slate isn't necessarily better off than someone who made a mistake in the past; it could just mean that the person hasn't done it yet." Some people learn from past mistakes, others don't. It's not easy to tell which category people belong to.

I rate myself highly on #1-5. It would be difficult to live with someone who does not have the same principles.
#6 is a matter of one's man's meat is another man's poison.

Anonymous said...

Absolutely Yu-Kym!.. if you explained it this way. I agree fully coz i subscribe and attest very much to what u just said. I am very high on all factors too and more...but

My only point is that by all means we should be highly selective but not to the point of obstinately blind adherence to the set standards without a small margin for compromise when the situation wisely calls for it.

Your original blog seems to indicate you're extremely hard on others and ultimately on yourself. Which is unwise if applied so harshly.

Ok ive said my piece..its up to you if you will take my advice into consideration.

Again, do compromise but wisely! I have this additional quality of wisdom which one needs to succeed in life. Do u think you score highly on this too? I doubt so...i would u think you are at most a 7 in this score. keke

curious cat

Anonymous said...


would u mind directing me to your "does pass matter" blog? I couldnt seem to retrieve that blog thru the address u gave me. I'm really poor at this html thing. One of my few if minor deficiencies. keke

curious cat

Yu-Kym said...

If someone expects X from me, I would expect the same from that person. Which man wouldn't want all those 6 points in a woman (with the appropriate variations applicable to women and the preferences of the man)?

The 6 points are very basic. It would be unwise to compromise on those.

Anonymous said...

Of course Yu-Kym, why would u want to settle for a lesser man? I wouldnt too but i know finding a near ideal mate would be just that much harder or near impossible if we exclude outright any possibility for a compromise when the situation calls for it. We ourselves 6 points hi-scores are not perfect ourselves! Wat more we stubbornly expect it from others without a little margin for manoeuvre.

but we can keep on agreeing on these 6 points or watever but u still dont see my real point do you? Ok enough's said. It was interesting and eye opening though.

Im starting to discover the real inner workings of Yu-Kym.

curious cat

Anonymous said...

yes u gave me that address to "does past matter" a 2nd time Yu-Kym but i cant open the blog.

Can u give me an alternative to reach it? like yr 2009 which month? Is it November and under which subject heading? there dont seem to be a "does pass matter" heading.


curious cat

Yu-Kym said...

It's in Nov 2009 - second from the bottom.