Friday, November 27, 2009
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Which type of bra to wear for exercising?
A number of my female friends have asked me what type of bra they should wear for sports and exercising. Understandably, many of them think that the best bra to wear is a sport bra - that's what sports apparel makers want us to think so that we would pay exorbitant prices for a few piece of clothes sewn together (incredibly easy to make!) that unfortunately provide little support against breasts sagging. The sports bra is supposed to work by squeeze the breasts tightly against the chest to minimise up/down/left/right bouncing. They also have wider straps to provide support. However, they usually do not come with underwires to prevent breasts from migrating lower down the chest with age. Regardless of the cup size, I think underwire is very important - even A cup breasts can sag! And during certain times of the month, the breasts feel tender and it can feel slightly painful to have them jumping up and down too much.
I heard from fitness trainers that some women do not even wear any bra in the gym. Ya, sure it's nice for guys to ogle at now but 5 years down the road when it's saggingdon't blame them for puking.
High impact exercises
These refer to exercises where force or impact is directed into the muscles or the joints during the activity, e.g. running, basketball, soccer, skipping rope, etc.
Bra recommendation:
- Ideally, wear a sports bra that is underwired. Unfortunately, it's not easy to find. The popular brands don't manufacture such bras for some reason unknown to me.
- So if you cannot find an underwired sports bra, wear a normal underwired bra. The straps must be tight. On top of the bra, wear sports bra or a running top with inner support, i.e. a built-in sports bra.
Low impact exercises
These activities are performed with the body placed in a stable, stationary or controlled position without high amount of force or impact on the muscles or joints, e.g. swimming, yoga, pilates, resistance training in the gym, etc.
Note: low impact is not the same as low intensity. E.g. swimming can be high or low intensity depending on how fast you swim.
Bra recommendation:
- A sports bra only without underwire is fine. Sports bras make you look flat chested so I recommend wearing an underwired bra inside to make your breasts look nicer. If you don't want your nipple showing up through the bra it would help to have another layer of cloth but if you do please go right ahead.
- A normal underwired bra with a normal t-shirt or tank top. Top should be fitting if you don't want people looking into it when you bend down.
As with all bras, make sure you are wearing the right size of bra. If the bra is too big, you won't be getting any support at all. The sports bra must be tight enough to be difficult to remove (if it's a one-piece).
Related post:
[Getting the right bra size]
I heard from fitness trainers that some women do not even wear any bra in the gym. Ya, sure it's nice for guys to ogle at now but 5 years down the road when it's saggingdon't blame them for puking.
High impact exercises
These refer to exercises where force or impact is directed into the muscles or the joints during the activity, e.g. running, basketball, soccer, skipping rope, etc.
Bra recommendation:
- Ideally, wear a sports bra that is underwired. Unfortunately, it's not easy to find. The popular brands don't manufacture such bras for some reason unknown to me.
- So if you cannot find an underwired sports bra, wear a normal underwired bra. The straps must be tight. On top of the bra, wear sports bra or a running top with inner support, i.e. a built-in sports bra.
Low impact exercises
These activities are performed with the body placed in a stable, stationary or controlled position without high amount of force or impact on the muscles or joints, e.g. swimming, yoga, pilates, resistance training in the gym, etc.
Note: low impact is not the same as low intensity. E.g. swimming can be high or low intensity depending on how fast you swim.
Bra recommendation:
- A sports bra only without underwire is fine. Sports bras make you look flat chested so I recommend wearing an underwired bra inside to make your breasts look nicer. If you don't want your nipple showing up through the bra it would help to have another layer of cloth but if you do please go right ahead.
- A normal underwired bra with a normal t-shirt or tank top. Top should be fitting if you don't want people looking into it when you bend down.
As with all bras, make sure you are wearing the right size of bra. If the bra is too big, you won't be getting any support at all. The sports bra must be tight enough to be difficult to remove (if it's a one-piece).
Related post:
[Getting the right bra size]
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Wednesday, November 25, 2009
"Letting yourself go" after marriage
All my (male and female) friends are married told me that they have put on weight. But among the ones who have children now, there are some who are exceptionally fat (sorry, not big-boned) and others who look slim. Most of them admit to eating too much. I don't have children and even if I do it would be wrong of me to judge those who have become fat. In any case, there are people who don't have children and are also fat. I know some men like fleshy women and I think men should accept their wives regardless of their weight and be extremely grateful that someone wants to bear his children. On the other hand, to be realistic, is the man supposed to find his fat wife sexually appealing? And does the woman think of herself as sexy still?
There is much pressure from the media for women to slim down quickly after giving birth, e.g. celebrities like Heidi Klum was in the Victoria's Secrets fashion show just a month after giving birth. But the everyday woman does not have that kind of money to hire dietitians and fitness trainers and she would have to do the housework in addition to taking care of the new born baby! How would she ever find time for exercising and personal grooming?
Sometimes it's not a matter of whether men and women "bother to" groom themselves. People have more duties and commitments after marriage, e.g. family gatherings with in-law's (suddenly there are so many birthdays to attend!), having to work harder to pay off the mortgage or wedding expenses, meeting spouse's friends, housework, paying the bills, taking care of children, etc.
How does one say No to family commitments and responsibilities? How would I handle this problem? I don't have any great advice here. If I say No, somebody will be unhappy and I will end up unhappy. But if I say Yes, I will be unhappy. Either way I lose.
Related posts:
[The "my wife is not interested in sex" problem]
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Mind over body?
In the news today:
Actress Fann Wong down with H1N1
A week ago:
Newly-married Fann Wong still busy with work
I think she must be tired, stressed, and not getting enough rest so her immune system was not strong enough to fight the virus off. If a person is healthy, it's not that easy to contract H1N1. I know it because my colleague who right sits beside me - and our desks are not even separated by a partition - contracted H1N1. I don't know why she wasn't quarantined. She was only given a few days of medical leave, then she came back to work. Nobody else in the office contracted it. My colleague has recovered.
I'm sure you have read about (supposedly) physically fit people who die during or after marathons and triathlons. Here are 2 recent cases:
Deutsche Telekom Asia CEO Calvin Lee Wee Sing, 42, dies during OSIM triathlon - Aug 2009
SAP India CEO Ranjan Das, 42, Dies After Gym Workout - Oct 2009
The writer of the article What killed SAP CEO Ranjan Das and lessons for corporate India? speculated it was consistent lack of sleep that killed him. He slept only 4-5 hours per day.
From my own experience, the more stress and pressure I'm face with at work, the more sleep I need. Exercise might help me to de-stress but I'll still need to sleep so that my mind and body get to rest. Health professional recommend that we sleep 7-8 hours a day but this is only a guideline. How much sleep a person needs varies. Some people naturally do not require alot of sleep. They are able to function mentally and physically with only 6 hours of sleep while there are others (like me) who need more sleep than the average person. So how do we know what's enough? Easy. Just listen to your body. If you're sleepy, go and sleep! Don't stay up to work, surf the Internet or watch TV. (Try the Epworth Sleepiness Test below to determine whether you are getting enough sleep.)
Other than getting enough sleep, when it comes to eating, one should also listen to the body. Basically, if you are hungry, eat. We know that our bodies tell us how much we should eat: when we have not eaten enough we are hungry, if we have eaten too much we feel full. But did you know that the body also has an amazing ability to signal to you which nutrients to eat? Most of us are unaware of this ability because we are seldom close to the point of starvation or severe malnutrition. For me, I always know what I want to eat - perhaps not the exact dish but I would know what type of meat I want and whether I need alot of carbs and even fats. I seldom deprive myself of the food that I'm craving for. You may ask me, "So why do I keep craving for cakes and I end up getting fat?" That's because you forgot to look at yourself in the mirror: your body is trying to tell you something - to exercise!
(Note: This does not apply to people with eating disorders and body image disorder)
I don't totally believe in mind over body. I prefer to get them to work together. However, I know that I must consciously be able to differentiate tiredness from laziness and hunger/cravings from greed.
Related posts:
[Sleep disorders]
[Marathon: the latest fad]
[5 things I do to de-stress]
Epworth sleepiness test
Interpretation of score:
0-9 is normal,
10 and above is abnormal.
My score: 2 - for being in a passenger in a motor vehicle for >1hr, and lying down in the afternoon.
If you can doze off while sitting and talking to someone, you have a serious problem!
Actress Fann Wong down with H1N1
A week ago:
Newly-married Fann Wong still busy with work
I think she must be tired, stressed, and not getting enough rest so her immune system was not strong enough to fight the virus off. If a person is healthy, it's not that easy to contract H1N1. I know it because my colleague who right sits beside me - and our desks are not even separated by a partition - contracted H1N1. I don't know why she wasn't quarantined. She was only given a few days of medical leave, then she came back to work. Nobody else in the office contracted it. My colleague has recovered.
I'm sure you have read about (supposedly) physically fit people who die during or after marathons and triathlons. Here are 2 recent cases:
Deutsche Telekom Asia CEO Calvin Lee Wee Sing, 42, dies during OSIM triathlon - Aug 2009
SAP India CEO Ranjan Das, 42, Dies After Gym Workout - Oct 2009
The writer of the article What killed SAP CEO Ranjan Das and lessons for corporate India? speculated it was consistent lack of sleep that killed him. He slept only 4-5 hours per day.
From my own experience, the more stress and pressure I'm face with at work, the more sleep I need. Exercise might help me to de-stress but I'll still need to sleep so that my mind and body get to rest. Health professional recommend that we sleep 7-8 hours a day but this is only a guideline. How much sleep a person needs varies. Some people naturally do not require alot of sleep. They are able to function mentally and physically with only 6 hours of sleep while there are others (like me) who need more sleep than the average person. So how do we know what's enough? Easy. Just listen to your body. If you're sleepy, go and sleep! Don't stay up to work, surf the Internet or watch TV. (Try the Epworth Sleepiness Test below to determine whether you are getting enough sleep.)
Other than getting enough sleep, when it comes to eating, one should also listen to the body. Basically, if you are hungry, eat. We know that our bodies tell us how much we should eat: when we have not eaten enough we are hungry, if we have eaten too much we feel full. But did you know that the body also has an amazing ability to signal to you which nutrients to eat? Most of us are unaware of this ability because we are seldom close to the point of starvation or severe malnutrition. For me, I always know what I want to eat - perhaps not the exact dish but I would know what type of meat I want and whether I need alot of carbs and even fats. I seldom deprive myself of the food that I'm craving for. You may ask me, "So why do I keep craving for cakes and I end up getting fat?" That's because you forgot to look at yourself in the mirror: your body is trying to tell you something - to exercise!
(Note: This does not apply to people with eating disorders and body image disorder)
I don't totally believe in mind over body. I prefer to get them to work together. However, I know that I must consciously be able to differentiate tiredness from laziness and hunger/cravings from greed.
Related posts:
[Sleep disorders]
[Marathon: the latest fad]
[5 things I do to de-stress]
Epworth sleepiness test
Interpretation of score:
0-9 is normal,
10 and above is abnormal.
My score: 2 - for being in a passenger in a motor vehicle for >1hr, and lying down in the afternoon.
If you can doze off while sitting and talking to someone, you have a serious problem!
Monday, November 23, 2009
Marathon: the latest fad
A number of people told me, "I just ran a marathon," and, "I'm training to run a marathon."
As for me, I proudly tell them, "I will never run a marathon."
The marathon is the latest fitness fad. Everybody wants to run a marathon. For avoidance of doubt, a marathon is 42km. A half marathon is 21km. 10km is not a marathon.
Those of you who have run a marathon would know that not everybody there actually runs the marathon. In Singapore, there is no time limit for completing it so even if you reach the finishing line by running half the distance and walking the rest of the way, you still are deemed worthy of being awarded a finisher's medal and an "I completed the marathon" t-shirt which you can wear around Orchard Road or to the pub so that you have something to talk about when you chat up someone of the opposite sex.
It seems impossible to avoid hearing or reading the word "marathon". Many of my friends want to or have run a marathon - some might ask their friends to accompany them. The Singapore army encourages men to run a marathon. In some magazines including teen magazines, people are encouraged to run a marathon too.
What friends and articles in magazines fail to advise are the dangers of running a marathon, how to prevent or minimise injuries and what to eat, e.g. supplements like glucosamine and how to carbo-load properly. The human body is not naturally able to withstand the stress of running long distances. Think about it: the cheetah, the fastest animal on land, is physically able to run at top speed of 112kmph but it can maintain it only for about 180-275m at a time, while Siberian huskies can run for up to 6 hours a day, more than 10 days in a row. Human being have not (yet?) evolved to being naturally able to run marathons. Even if a person trains for it and is able to do it, running a marathon is harmful - not good - for the body.
Many people think that being able to run a marathon is a matter of mind over body. True that will power is essential to complete a marathon. However, when people feel extreme discomfort or pain, they think that if their body is strong enough they would still continue. I have friends who say they have unhealed injuries but would still go ahead to run marathons. That's why I'm never surprised to hear of people dying while running or after a marathon. I think people should listen to their bodies and know their limits. The mind-over-body attitude can kill. If people don't listen to their bodies, they can't blame their bodies for dying on them.
Some people might think I have no right to write about marathons because I've never run one. (Just like they say people should not criticise beauty contest representatives because they've not participated in one). It's not like I am discouraging people from running marathons because I'm a lousy runner - if it counts for anything my best timings this year for 2.4km run and 6km moderate-difficult grade trail run are 13:24 and 42:00 respectively. What's the use of running a marathon if people are going to be injured or dead after that? Besides, have you seen the bodies of (professional) female marathon runners?
Related post:
[Mind over body?]
As for me, I proudly tell them, "I will never run a marathon."
The marathon is the latest fitness fad. Everybody wants to run a marathon. For avoidance of doubt, a marathon is 42km. A half marathon is 21km. 10km is not a marathon.
Those of you who have run a marathon would know that not everybody there actually runs the marathon. In Singapore, there is no time limit for completing it so even if you reach the finishing line by running half the distance and walking the rest of the way, you still are deemed worthy of being awarded a finisher's medal and an "I completed the marathon" t-shirt which you can wear around Orchard Road or to the pub so that you have something to talk about when you chat up someone of the opposite sex.
It seems impossible to avoid hearing or reading the word "marathon". Many of my friends want to or have run a marathon - some might ask their friends to accompany them. The Singapore army encourages men to run a marathon. In some magazines including teen magazines, people are encouraged to run a marathon too.
What friends and articles in magazines fail to advise are the dangers of running a marathon, how to prevent or minimise injuries and what to eat, e.g. supplements like glucosamine and how to carbo-load properly. The human body is not naturally able to withstand the stress of running long distances. Think about it: the cheetah, the fastest animal on land, is physically able to run at top speed of 112kmph but it can maintain it only for about 180-275m at a time, while Siberian huskies can run for up to 6 hours a day, more than 10 days in a row. Human being have not (yet?) evolved to being naturally able to run marathons. Even if a person trains for it and is able to do it, running a marathon is harmful - not good - for the body.
Many people think that being able to run a marathon is a matter of mind over body. True that will power is essential to complete a marathon. However, when people feel extreme discomfort or pain, they think that if their body is strong enough they would still continue. I have friends who say they have unhealed injuries but would still go ahead to run marathons. That's why I'm never surprised to hear of people dying while running or after a marathon. I think people should listen to their bodies and know their limits. The mind-over-body attitude can kill. If people don't listen to their bodies, they can't blame their bodies for dying on them.
Some people might think I have no right to write about marathons because I've never run one. (Just like they say people should not criticise beauty contest representatives because they've not participated in one). It's not like I am discouraging people from running marathons because I'm a lousy runner - if it counts for anything my best timings this year for 2.4km run and 6km moderate-difficult grade trail run are 13:24 and 42:00 respectively. What's the use of running a marathon if people are going to be injured or dead after that? Besides, have you seen the bodies of (professional) female marathon runners?
Related post:
[Mind over body?]
Sunday, November 22, 2009
2 Natural ways to cure headaches
I seldom get headaches but I can get them:
- when I have a blocked nose from a cold or too much crying,
- from having too much glare from the sun in my eyes,
- from I sleeping too much *grin*
I hardly take painkillers. I prefer natural remedies. Here's what I do to cure my headaches:
1. Drink coffee/tea or anything with a strong dose of caffeine
American coffee doesn't really work because the caffeine content is too low. Certain soft drinks like Coke contain caffeine too but I avoid soft drinks because it might cause osteoporosis. Besides, it feels better to drink a hot drink when I've got a headache.
2. Get an orgasm or two or more
Masturbation would be more efficient (I don't need to find a partner) but sex would be more enjoyable. Sometimes the headache goes away temporarily and starts after sex stops so I got to say, "Don't stop!" The next time your partner complains of a headache, you can suggest sexual healing.
[Why I'd rather use my vibrator]
However, for some people caffeine and sex can worsen or even trigger headaches. Just do what works for you.
External articles:
[Is caffeine a cause or cure?]
[Headaches and Sex: "Yes, Tonight Dear"]
- when I have a blocked nose from a cold or too much crying,
- from having too much glare from the sun in my eyes,
- from I sleeping too much *grin*
I hardly take painkillers. I prefer natural remedies. Here's what I do to cure my headaches:
1. Drink coffee/tea or anything with a strong dose of caffeine
American coffee doesn't really work because the caffeine content is too low. Certain soft drinks like Coke contain caffeine too but I avoid soft drinks because it might cause osteoporosis. Besides, it feels better to drink a hot drink when I've got a headache.
2. Get an orgasm or two or more
Masturbation would be more efficient (I don't need to find a partner) but sex would be more enjoyable. Sometimes the headache goes away temporarily and starts after sex stops so I got to say, "Don't stop!" The next time your partner complains of a headache, you can suggest sexual healing.
[Why I'd rather use my vibrator]
However, for some people caffeine and sex can worsen or even trigger headaches. Just do what works for you.
External articles:
[Is caffeine a cause or cure?]
[Headaches and Sex: "Yes, Tonight Dear"]
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Singaporeans' love affair with the skies
Stewardess
I'm not sure whether the SIA "Singapore girl" advertisements are to blame. Flight attendants/stewardesses have a special social status even though they are only waitresses. Many Singaporean women dream of being stewardesses. A distant uncle encouraged me to become a stewardesses. It was never my ambition to be one. I worked as a waitress for 2 months during my school holidays when I was 14 . Doing that for 2 months was boring enough. I didn't think I would be able to endure doing that for years!
Guys want to go to pubs that are frequented by stewardesses, guys like to boast that their wives/girlfriends are stewardesses though the most loser statement is, "My ex-girlfriend is a stewardess." (note the emphasis on ex). If I were a stewardesses, guys would think of me as more attractive than I really am - because if SIA thinks I'm attractive, then I must be attractive. But don't forget there are stewardesses who fly with the budget airlines :P
Pilots
Another thing that guys like to mention is, "I almost became a pilot." (note the emphasis on almost). I can understand that guys want to be pilots because the job pays well while they get to play with toys, i.e. the plane and the stewardesses.
Women seem to be turned on by the idea of the guy being a pilot. Perhaps it's because of the money or maybe they just fantasize about playing with cocks in the cockpit.
The mile high club
This term refers to two people engaging in sexual activity at an altitude of at least a mile above ground level. I admit that it's something that I've thought of doing too [see Things to do before you die].
Travelling for work
Many people are under the impression that anyone who gets to travel for work is fortunate. However, those who do would usually not look at it that way. These are what I dislike about travelling for work:
- I have to fly on my personal time, i.e. in the evenings and on weekends,
- I hate waiting at the airport, waiting for taxi, etc,
- I have difficult sleeping on the plane. They keep turning the lights on and off, there are people scuttling up and down the isle, some people are noisy, if I get unlucky enough to get seated near the toilet I won't be able to get any rest,
- if I fly between time zones I can get jet lagged and I "lose time" (e.g. if I take an overnight flight from India to Singapore, I only get 3 hours of sleep but when I arrive in Singapore it's morning already and I got to go to work),
- I usually have to spend the evenings in the hotel preparing for the next day's work,
- I might lose out when I convert money between currencies,
- it's work not a vacation!
Vacations
People tend to envy those who are well-travelled or who go on vacations frequently - the further from Singapore the better. Perhaps some people might think I brag about my vacations and the places I've been to. Maybe I do?
Singapore is a small country so it's not surprising for people to enjoy going overseas. Being overseas is also a good reason for not being able to respond to work calls or emails.
Visiting foreign countries is also a good way to broaden our minds. But of course, there are Singaporeans are well-travelled but still narrow minded.
Btw, I will be going to Kuching this Friday :P
I'm not sure whether the SIA "Singapore girl" advertisements are to blame. Flight attendants/stewardesses have a special social status even though they are only waitresses. Many Singaporean women dream of being stewardesses. A distant uncle encouraged me to become a stewardesses. It was never my ambition to be one. I worked as a waitress for 2 months during my school holidays when I was 14 . Doing that for 2 months was boring enough. I didn't think I would be able to endure doing that for years!
Guys want to go to pubs that are frequented by stewardesses, guys like to boast that their wives/girlfriends are stewardesses though the most loser statement is, "My ex-girlfriend is a stewardess." (note the emphasis on ex). If I were a stewardesses, guys would think of me as more attractive than I really am - because if SIA thinks I'm attractive, then I must be attractive. But don't forget there are stewardesses who fly with the budget airlines :P
Pilots
Another thing that guys like to mention is, "I almost became a pilot." (note the emphasis on almost). I can understand that guys want to be pilots because the job pays well while they get to play with toys, i.e. the plane and the stewardesses.
Women seem to be turned on by the idea of the guy being a pilot. Perhaps it's because of the money or maybe they just fantasize about playing with cocks in the cockpit.
The mile high club
This term refers to two people engaging in sexual activity at an altitude of at least a mile above ground level. I admit that it's something that I've thought of doing too [see Things to do before you die].
Travelling for work
Many people are under the impression that anyone who gets to travel for work is fortunate. However, those who do would usually not look at it that way. These are what I dislike about travelling for work:
- I have to fly on my personal time, i.e. in the evenings and on weekends,
- I hate waiting at the airport, waiting for taxi, etc,
- I have difficult sleeping on the plane. They keep turning the lights on and off, there are people scuttling up and down the isle, some people are noisy, if I get unlucky enough to get seated near the toilet I won't be able to get any rest,
- if I fly between time zones I can get jet lagged and I "lose time" (e.g. if I take an overnight flight from India to Singapore, I only get 3 hours of sleep but when I arrive in Singapore it's morning already and I got to go to work),
- I usually have to spend the evenings in the hotel preparing for the next day's work,
- I might lose out when I convert money between currencies,
- it's work not a vacation!
Vacations
People tend to envy those who are well-travelled or who go on vacations frequently - the further from Singapore the better. Perhaps some people might think I brag about my vacations and the places I've been to. Maybe I do?
Singapore is a small country so it's not surprising for people to enjoy going overseas. Being overseas is also a good reason for not being able to respond to work calls or emails.
Visiting foreign countries is also a good way to broaden our minds. But of course, there are Singaporeans are well-travelled but still narrow minded.
Btw, I will be going to Kuching this Friday :P
Friday, November 20, 2009
No time? How do you spend your 24 hours?
Ever found yourself saying you have "no time" to do certain things. The truth is, everyone has 24 hours a day regardless of whether they are roadsweepers or the president. (You could fly to a different time zone but that's not counted!)
Per week day, I estimate that the regular working person spends:
8 hours sleeping
9.5 hours working (including 1 hour for lunch)
1 hour eating breakfast and dinner
1.5 hours commuting
0.5 hours for bathing and personal care
----
20.5 hours
----
This leaves only 3.5 hours per day for everything else!
If you need to work overtime, you would end up with less than that, as if 3.5 hours is even enough to start with!
My guess on how people with children spend their remaining 3.5 hours:
If they have children, they would probably spend 2-3 hours at least taking care of them.
If they need to do housework, that could take at least 0.5-1 hour per day on the average.
They might need to go to the market to buy food or buy groceries at supermarket - another 0.5 hours.
My guess on how homebody singles spend their time 3.5 hours:
2 hours watching TV/DVD/movies
1.5 hours on the Internet
(Singaporeans age 8-24 spend 12.6 hours a day on the Internet, watching TV or DVD/VCD/videos, reading newspapers or magazines and listening to the radio. See report)
How I spend my 3.5 homebody hours on the average:
0.5-1 hour writing/blogging
0.5-1 hour exercising (includes commuting)
1 hour on the Internet (excludes writing)
1 hour reading books
Although these look ok to me, I don't feel satisfied with how I'm spending my time. I would like to focus on new sources of income. It's something for me to think about for inclusion in my new year resolution list.
Per week day, I estimate that the regular working person spends:
8 hours sleeping
9.5 hours working (including 1 hour for lunch)
1 hour eating breakfast and dinner
1.5 hours commuting
0.5 hours for bathing and personal care
----
20.5 hours
----
This leaves only 3.5 hours per day for everything else!
If you need to work overtime, you would end up with less than that, as if 3.5 hours is even enough to start with!
My guess on how people with children spend their remaining 3.5 hours:
If they have children, they would probably spend 2-3 hours at least taking care of them.
If they need to do housework, that could take at least 0.5-1 hour per day on the average.
They might need to go to the market to buy food or buy groceries at supermarket - another 0.5 hours.
My guess on how homebody singles spend their time 3.5 hours:
2 hours watching TV/DVD/movies
1.5 hours on the Internet
(Singaporeans age 8-24 spend 12.6 hours a day on the Internet, watching TV or DVD/VCD/videos, reading newspapers or magazines and listening to the radio. See report)
How I spend my 3.5 homebody hours on the average:
0.5-1 hour writing/blogging
0.5-1 hour exercising (includes commuting)
1 hour on the Internet (excludes writing)
1 hour reading books
Although these look ok to me, I don't feel satisfied with how I'm spending my time. I would like to focus on new sources of income. It's something for me to think about for inclusion in my new year resolution list.
5 things I do to de-stress
1. Exercise
The more stressed I feel, the harder I need to exercise. The recent increased levels of pressure I'd been facing at work has resulted in an improvement of my 2.4km run timing by 1min 10sec. My average timing used to be 14:45. Now it's 13:35 with my best timing at 13:24.
2. Enjoy nature
I love trail running because it makes me feel connected to nature. Diving and trekking are 2 other things which I love. The knowledge of how small I am in the big scheme of life and feeling of being completely at the mercy of nature puts all my troubles into perspective. If there's no opportunity to run, dive or trek, I simply enjoy a cup of tea or coffee while looking at the trees, birds and sometimes squirrels. I find playing with the neighbourhood cats therapeutic too. I don't live near the beach but if I get the chance to I enjoy the sea breeze and the sound of the water rushing up on the sandy beach. The sound of falling rain and the smell of the ground are enjoyable too.
3. Discover/learn/experience something new
This could mean travelling, taking a different running route or route home, reading, listening to new ideas or even trying new food. Have you planned your holidays for next year?
4. Sleeping
When my mind works overtime, I need more sleep to rest my mind. I love sleeping as long as I don't get nightmares! I'm particularly proud of myself if I sleep past noon :)
5. Say No
I don't do anything that I don't want to do (after office hours). I don't meet people whom I don't feel interested in meeting. I don't reply to emails if I don't feel like it. I don't talk to salespeople if I don't feel like it (I sometimes completely ignore salespeople at the MRT stations because I don't even feel like saying, "No, Thanks"). If I don't owe anybody money or favours, I'm not obliged to do anything that I don't want to do.
I do not have sex or masturbate to release stress. Stress lowers my sexual craving. I'm not saying I won't have sex when I'm stressed but, rather, I do not use sex as a means to an end. I love and savour sex for what it is and don't use it as a de-stressing tool.
The more stressed I feel, the harder I need to exercise. The recent increased levels of pressure I'd been facing at work has resulted in an improvement of my 2.4km run timing by 1min 10sec. My average timing used to be 14:45. Now it's 13:35 with my best timing at 13:24.
2. Enjoy nature
I love trail running because it makes me feel connected to nature. Diving and trekking are 2 other things which I love. The knowledge of how small I am in the big scheme of life and feeling of being completely at the mercy of nature puts all my troubles into perspective. If there's no opportunity to run, dive or trek, I simply enjoy a cup of tea or coffee while looking at the trees, birds and sometimes squirrels. I find playing with the neighbourhood cats therapeutic too. I don't live near the beach but if I get the chance to I enjoy the sea breeze and the sound of the water rushing up on the sandy beach. The sound of falling rain and the smell of the ground are enjoyable too.
3. Discover/learn/experience something new
This could mean travelling, taking a different running route or route home, reading, listening to new ideas or even trying new food. Have you planned your holidays for next year?
4. Sleeping
When my mind works overtime, I need more sleep to rest my mind. I love sleeping as long as I don't get nightmares! I'm particularly proud of myself if I sleep past noon :)
5. Say No
I don't do anything that I don't want to do (after office hours). I don't meet people whom I don't feel interested in meeting. I don't reply to emails if I don't feel like it. I don't talk to salespeople if I don't feel like it (I sometimes completely ignore salespeople at the MRT stations because I don't even feel like saying, "No, Thanks"). If I don't owe anybody money or favours, I'm not obliged to do anything that I don't want to do.
I do not have sex or masturbate to release stress. Stress lowers my sexual craving. I'm not saying I won't have sex when I'm stressed but, rather, I do not use sex as a means to an end. I love and savour sex for what it is and don't use it as a de-stressing tool.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Look! I'm attached!
No, not me.
That's what everyone seems to be screaming out to the WWW (whole wide world) all the time.
Social gatherings
When I was a student, my friends used to bring their boyfriends/girlfriends to social events and seat them neatly in a corner. I couldn't figure out what the whole deal was because throughout the entire 2 to 3 hours of chatting, nobody bothers to talk to the partners and the partners don't usually try to mingle. The worst part is, the people who brought partners would carry on their conversations with others as though their partners were nothing more than arm accessories (sometimes the gals get the arm accessories to carry their other arm accessories, i.e. handbags). Sometimes, a friend might ask the partner, "Are you bored?" Of course, the spoken answer will never be "No" though "Yes, duh!" written all over his/her face. Such things still happen at social gatherings I attend now.
WWW
Social gatherings are not the only outlet for people to show off their arm accessories. They also do it on the WWW (world wide web). Everyone who is attached or married seems to have their partner in the profile picture on Facebook. When they post those pictures, all their friends are supposed to make comments, e.g. congrats, I'm happy for you, you both look good together, etc.
Furthermore, many people would have a their status in Facebook or on MSN set to something like, I miss my darling, I am nothing without you, etc. If they've got something to tell their darlings, please tell them directly! Does the WWW really need to know?
SMS
Then, there are those who need to notify everyone in their phone book that they are attached. Today I received a surprise SMS from a guy who completely ignored me after I told him about my past. Somehow he was smart enough to include his name in the SMS because I had long deleted him from my phone book. He asked me how I was and I replied politely. I don't think his intention was just to find out how I was - it was obvious from his unexplained disappearance that he didn't care at all. I knew something must be up so I asked him, "What's new?" He was more than happy to tell me that he's attached now. Tempted as I was to reply Congrats, I didn't. How many Congrats do attached people need?
Some of my friends' partners, in my opinion, are braggarts, hypocrites, spendthrifts or have no EQ. Am I still supposed to tell my friends Congrats? Why don't we ever congratulate people who are unattached or those who have chosen to dump their loser boyfriend/girlfriend? I'm not expecting them to care what I think but I refuse to be a hypocrite. I know some people might say I'm sour grapes but I rather be called that than a hypocrite.
Obviously, the whole sour grapes problem can be solved by getting myself my own arm accessory. If I can't beat them, maybe I should join them!
WATCH THIS SPACE! TOYBOY ARM ACCESSORY COMING SOON!
That's what everyone seems to be screaming out to the WWW (whole wide world) all the time.
Social gatherings
When I was a student, my friends used to bring their boyfriends/girlfriends to social events and seat them neatly in a corner. I couldn't figure out what the whole deal was because throughout the entire 2 to 3 hours of chatting, nobody bothers to talk to the partners and the partners don't usually try to mingle. The worst part is, the people who brought partners would carry on their conversations with others as though their partners were nothing more than arm accessories (sometimes the gals get the arm accessories to carry their other arm accessories, i.e. handbags). Sometimes, a friend might ask the partner, "Are you bored?" Of course, the spoken answer will never be "No" though "Yes, duh!" written all over his/her face. Such things still happen at social gatherings I attend now.
WWW
Social gatherings are not the only outlet for people to show off their arm accessories. They also do it on the WWW (world wide web). Everyone who is attached or married seems to have their partner in the profile picture on Facebook. When they post those pictures, all their friends are supposed to make comments, e.g. congrats, I'm happy for you, you both look good together, etc.
Furthermore, many people would have a their status in Facebook or on MSN set to something like, I miss my darling, I am nothing without you, etc. If they've got something to tell their darlings, please tell them directly! Does the WWW really need to know?
SMS
Then, there are those who need to notify everyone in their phone book that they are attached. Today I received a surprise SMS from a guy who completely ignored me after I told him about my past. Somehow he was smart enough to include his name in the SMS because I had long deleted him from my phone book. He asked me how I was and I replied politely. I don't think his intention was just to find out how I was - it was obvious from his unexplained disappearance that he didn't care at all. I knew something must be up so I asked him, "What's new?" He was more than happy to tell me that he's attached now. Tempted as I was to reply Congrats, I didn't. How many Congrats do attached people need?
Some of my friends' partners, in my opinion, are braggarts, hypocrites, spendthrifts or have no EQ. Am I still supposed to tell my friends Congrats? Why don't we ever congratulate people who are unattached or those who have chosen to dump their loser boyfriend/girlfriend? I'm not expecting them to care what I think but I refuse to be a hypocrite. I know some people might say I'm sour grapes but I rather be called that than a hypocrite.
Obviously, the whole sour grapes problem can be solved by getting myself my own arm accessory. If I can't beat them, maybe I should join them!
WATCH THIS SPACE! TOYBOY ARM ACCESSORY COMING SOON!
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Oxytocin: the reason why we feel "in love"
Oxytocin is commonly known as the love hormone. The "in love" feeling is experienced when oxytocin is released in the brain. Both males and females have the ability to produce oxytocin. For females, it is produced released by the pituitary glands, brain, during childbirth and after stimulation of the nipples. Oxytocin helps in the bonding in human beings (and other mammals), including mother and child and also between man and woman.
You can't take a pill to obtain these benefits because oxytocin would breakdown in your stomach. An attempt to artificially administer oxytocin may cause hemorrhage in the brain and uterus, increased blood pressure, heart rate and cardiac output, uterine contractions. Besides, the body rids itself of oxytocin so quickly that it won't be worth the effort to inject it into your body. Even if you use an IV drip to keep oxytocin levels in your blood up, it can't reach your brain and would therefore have no effect on how you feel.
For men and women to stay "in love" with their partners, the brain needs to continue to produce oxytocin. In the initial part (the first few months) of a relationship, oxytocin production in the brain is almost effortless. Oxytocin aids in the bonding - this is why people can feel very intensely attracted to someone whom they've just met. After a while, the production of oxytocin does not happen so effortlessly anymore. If no effort is put in at all, the oxytocin level in the brain would drop and the bonds can erode.
I've experienced such feelings too: feeling so "in love" with a guy, in my eyes he's perfect in every way, I enjoy being with him, I yearn to be with him all the time, I love receiving his calls and sms, I can't wait to kiss him and get naked with him, I think I can give up everything to be with him, etc... but after some weeks or months have passed, I start to feel less and less excited about seeing him or hearing from him... eventually I ask myself what in the world I ever saw in him!
"I love you but I'm not in love with you."
This is a common feeling among couples who have been together for a long time. Some of them continue to be together because they still feel connected to their partners even though the initial feeling of intense excitement is no longer felt. Others seek to find someone new in attempt to fall "in love" again.
The feeling of being "in love" is so irresistibly intense, sweet and enjoyable that many people would give up everything they have for it - be it money, reputation, their jobs, their spouse, or their children.
I consciously remind myself to consider whether the man is right for me or it's just oxytocin doing its job. I avoid making any commitments, e.g. agreeing to be his girlfriend or booking holidays in advance, within (to borrow an insurance term) the "free look period" of 3 months. If the man is serious about me, he can wait 3 months.
You can't take a pill to obtain these benefits because oxytocin would breakdown in your stomach. An attempt to artificially administer oxytocin may cause hemorrhage in the brain and uterus, increased blood pressure, heart rate and cardiac output, uterine contractions. Besides, the body rids itself of oxytocin so quickly that it won't be worth the effort to inject it into your body. Even if you use an IV drip to keep oxytocin levels in your blood up, it can't reach your brain and would therefore have no effect on how you feel.
For men and women to stay "in love" with their partners, the brain needs to continue to produce oxytocin. In the initial part (the first few months) of a relationship, oxytocin production in the brain is almost effortless. Oxytocin aids in the bonding - this is why people can feel very intensely attracted to someone whom they've just met. After a while, the production of oxytocin does not happen so effortlessly anymore. If no effort is put in at all, the oxytocin level in the brain would drop and the bonds can erode.
I've experienced such feelings too: feeling so "in love" with a guy, in my eyes he's perfect in every way, I enjoy being with him, I yearn to be with him all the time, I love receiving his calls and sms, I can't wait to kiss him and get naked with him, I think I can give up everything to be with him, etc... but after some weeks or months have passed, I start to feel less and less excited about seeing him or hearing from him... eventually I ask myself what in the world I ever saw in him!
"I love you but I'm not in love with you."
This is a common feeling among couples who have been together for a long time. Some of them continue to be together because they still feel connected to their partners even though the initial feeling of intense excitement is no longer felt. Others seek to find someone new in attempt to fall "in love" again.
The feeling of being "in love" is so irresistibly intense, sweet and enjoyable that many people would give up everything they have for it - be it money, reputation, their jobs, their spouse, or their children.
I consciously remind myself to consider whether the man is right for me or it's just oxytocin doing its job. I avoid making any commitments, e.g. agreeing to be his girlfriend or booking holidays in advance, within (to borrow an insurance term) the "free look period" of 3 months. If the man is serious about me, he can wait 3 months.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Inappropriate questions for the 1st date?
I've been told by a friend that some of my questions and opinions can scare guys away. He didn't mean that I was tactless but he found certain topics that I talked about to be inappropriate especially on the first date.
E.g.
- Why do babies get raped?
- How can the wife of a man who raped his daughter, and his daughter gave birth to several children in the basement of the house over many years, not know about it when she's been living in the same house?
I can understand that nobody likes the thought of babies getting raped, and if given the choice, people would rather avoid discussing unhappy topics. Perhaps I'm too provocative for my own good. But only in the process of discussing the tough topics can we understand how the other person thinks. It's a complete waste of time to make small talk and pretend it's a warm and cushy world. Also, during the initial few dates, people are less inclined to think that the question directly relates to the new "relationship".
E.g. The million dollar question: What do you think of marriage?
If this question is asked on the 20th date, it can be interpreted as, "What do you think of us getting married?"
If you ask it casually on the 1st date, it's very different. I've been asked this question many times before and I was sure the guys didn't mean it as marriage proposals.
In my opinion, the first few dates are the best times to ask the difficult questions. Moreover, knowing the answers to the tough questions would save alot of time. E.g. If the woman thinks that marriage is crap, and the guy wants to find a partner for marriage, he'll know instantly that he's not going to find what he's looking for in this woman. Of course, people could lie, or they could say one thing but subconsciously mean another, and there will always be people who believe that they can somehow convince the other person to do the opposite eventually. At the very least, asking would give you some idea into the person's opinions and thought process.
Other questions:
- Do you want to have children?
- What do you think of marital rape?
- What do you think of divorce?
My questions and ideas may be too much for some guys to bear. But that's just me and I don't wish to act any less than who I am. I believe that there are guys out there who won't be taken aback by my questions and opinions.
E.g.
- Why do babies get raped?
- How can the wife of a man who raped his daughter, and his daughter gave birth to several children in the basement of the house over many years, not know about it when she's been living in the same house?
I can understand that nobody likes the thought of babies getting raped, and if given the choice, people would rather avoid discussing unhappy topics. Perhaps I'm too provocative for my own good. But only in the process of discussing the tough topics can we understand how the other person thinks. It's a complete waste of time to make small talk and pretend it's a warm and cushy world. Also, during the initial few dates, people are less inclined to think that the question directly relates to the new "relationship".
E.g. The million dollar question: What do you think of marriage?
If this question is asked on the 20th date, it can be interpreted as, "What do you think of us getting married?"
If you ask it casually on the 1st date, it's very different. I've been asked this question many times before and I was sure the guys didn't mean it as marriage proposals.
In my opinion, the first few dates are the best times to ask the difficult questions. Moreover, knowing the answers to the tough questions would save alot of time. E.g. If the woman thinks that marriage is crap, and the guy wants to find a partner for marriage, he'll know instantly that he's not going to find what he's looking for in this woman. Of course, people could lie, or they could say one thing but subconsciously mean another, and there will always be people who believe that they can somehow convince the other person to do the opposite eventually. At the very least, asking would give you some idea into the person's opinions and thought process.
Other questions:
- Do you want to have children?
- What do you think of marital rape?
- What do you think of divorce?
My questions and ideas may be too much for some guys to bear. But that's just me and I don't wish to act any less than who I am. I believe that there are guys out there who won't be taken aback by my questions and opinions.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Are people who go for looks and money superficial?
If I say that I like handsome and hunky guys, I'm sure to get accused of being superficial when in fact the people who make such accusations are the superficial ones. We say beauty is skin deep - but is it really?
Only the lucky minority are born with natural beauty, and even a small minority seem to be immune against aging and do not need to do anything to upkeep their appearance. The remaining (majority of) people, we need to do something to look good.
There's a phrase: There are no ugly women, only lazy ones. Try to think back to the times when you were in school and all gals wore the same uniform and makeup was not allowed. What % of them looked nice? Now think about what you thought of gals after they no longer wore uniforms and used makeup (minus the plastic surgery) - did you notice a huge jump in % of gals who looked attractive?
A) Women
Most normal men would desire women who are slim, have either (or both) nice hips or breasts, and look feminine. I won't say such men are essentially superficial. Rather, the desire for these physical characteristics are subconsciously inbuilt in them because:
1. being slim means the woman has enough self-control and will power to maintain an acceptable weight (I won't specify exactly what slim means here because it depends on the era we're living in);
2. having nice hips and breasts are signs of child-bearing fertility; and
3. looking feminine... well, if the man is straight of course he wants a woman who looks like a woman.
Note: some men prefer very skinny or overweight women but that's personal preference though it's also based on appearance.
B) Men
I'd say that same phrase applies to men too: There are no ugly men, only lazy ones. Some guys who are not born with attention-grabbing faces, would spend time in the gym building attention-grabbing bodies. Personally, I think this approach works. Grooming also plays a part, e.g. getting a good haircut, wearing tailored clothes, wearing contact lenses instead of nerdy spectacles, proper skincare, having their teeth scaled and polished, shaving and practicing good hygiene. If a guy has a nice body and is well-groomed, I'm more inclined to think that he's better looking than he really is. The other thing that women go for is money. But I do not think that women who go for hunky, well-grooming and rich men are superficial because:
1. a strong body is a reflection of a strong mind. You cannot get a hunky body without pain and perseverance (unless you go for implants). It's normal to want a man who can endure hardship, has a strong body to protect her and her children, would have the will power to overcome adversities, and is hardworking. Besides, which woman does not want her children to inherit strong genes? Carrying a child for 9 months, going through labour and raising the child are a huge investments;
2. personal grooming is about personal pride and loving oneself. A man who has no pride or love for himself is unlikely to be able to take pride in caring for or love his family;
3. we don't farm our own vegetables, rear our own cows or barter trade anymore. Money is needed for survival. Women and children have higher chances of survival with men who have money vs men who don't.
There are other factors that matter in choosing a partner, e.g. intelligence, alertness, kindness, etc, which are not commonly regarded as superficial therefore I shall not discuss them here.
As I mentioned in my previous post [The conspiracy against well groomed men], it's far easier just sitting around eating potato chips and criticizing others than getting up to do something. Such people are too lazy to think even about why beauty is not skin deep.
Although I think it's normal, not superficial, to go for looks and money, I think poorly of the couch potatoes who go after the good-looking men/women, don't look at themselves in the mirror or do anything to improve themselves and when they get rejected, they accuse the other party of being superficial!
Another Chinese idiom for such behaviour: Toad wants to eat swan's meat.
There's nothing wrong in trying but don't be a sore loser.
So the next time someone accuses you of being superficial, tell them, "Thank you very much. Please enjoy your potato chips."
(Actually, we all go for looks. Otherwise why would cars come in different colours?)
Only the lucky minority are born with natural beauty, and even a small minority seem to be immune against aging and do not need to do anything to upkeep their appearance. The remaining (majority of) people, we need to do something to look good.
There's a phrase: There are no ugly women, only lazy ones. Try to think back to the times when you were in school and all gals wore the same uniform and makeup was not allowed. What % of them looked nice? Now think about what you thought of gals after they no longer wore uniforms and used makeup (minus the plastic surgery) - did you notice a huge jump in % of gals who looked attractive?
A) Women
Most normal men would desire women who are slim, have either (or both) nice hips or breasts, and look feminine. I won't say such men are essentially superficial. Rather, the desire for these physical characteristics are subconsciously inbuilt in them because:
1. being slim means the woman has enough self-control and will power to maintain an acceptable weight (I won't specify exactly what slim means here because it depends on the era we're living in);
2. having nice hips and breasts are signs of child-bearing fertility; and
3. looking feminine... well, if the man is straight of course he wants a woman who looks like a woman.
Note: some men prefer very skinny or overweight women but that's personal preference though it's also based on appearance.
B) Men
I'd say that same phrase applies to men too: There are no ugly men, only lazy ones. Some guys who are not born with attention-grabbing faces, would spend time in the gym building attention-grabbing bodies. Personally, I think this approach works. Grooming also plays a part, e.g. getting a good haircut, wearing tailored clothes, wearing contact lenses instead of nerdy spectacles, proper skincare, having their teeth scaled and polished, shaving and practicing good hygiene. If a guy has a nice body and is well-groomed, I'm more inclined to think that he's better looking than he really is. The other thing that women go for is money. But I do not think that women who go for hunky, well-grooming and rich men are superficial because:
1. a strong body is a reflection of a strong mind. You cannot get a hunky body without pain and perseverance (unless you go for implants). It's normal to want a man who can endure hardship, has a strong body to protect her and her children, would have the will power to overcome adversities, and is hardworking. Besides, which woman does not want her children to inherit strong genes? Carrying a child for 9 months, going through labour and raising the child are a huge investments;
2. personal grooming is about personal pride and loving oneself. A man who has no pride or love for himself is unlikely to be able to take pride in caring for or love his family;
3. we don't farm our own vegetables, rear our own cows or barter trade anymore. Money is needed for survival. Women and children have higher chances of survival with men who have money vs men who don't.
There are other factors that matter in choosing a partner, e.g. intelligence, alertness, kindness, etc, which are not commonly regarded as superficial therefore I shall not discuss them here.
As I mentioned in my previous post [The conspiracy against well groomed men], it's far easier just sitting around eating potato chips and criticizing others than getting up to do something. Such people are too lazy to think even about why beauty is not skin deep.
Although I think it's normal, not superficial, to go for looks and money, I think poorly of the couch potatoes who go after the good-looking men/women, don't look at themselves in the mirror or do anything to improve themselves and when they get rejected, they accuse the other party of being superficial!
Another Chinese idiom for such behaviour: Toad wants to eat swan's meat.
There's nothing wrong in trying but don't be a sore loser.
So the next time someone accuses you of being superficial, tell them, "Thank you very much. Please enjoy your potato chips."
(Actually, we all go for looks. Otherwise why would cars come in different colours?)
Saturday, November 14, 2009
5 reasons why women give you their phone numbers but won't answer your call
It would be nice if everyone can just be honest, right? But I'm afraid that's not how it works. Everyone has their own agendas.
Here are 5 reasons why women would give you their phone numbers but won't answer your call or sms:
1. To get you off their backs
They don't want to embarrass you but telling you directly that they are not interested. Not all women are nasty enough to laugh at your pick up lines. They could have given you a fake phone number. But some guys would say "I give you a missed call now" and then the women get caught red-handed when their phones do not ring but some uncle picks up the phone instead.
[What's the worst chat up line I've heard?]
2. They are already attached or married
They may just be looking for fun, considering other options or testing their market value. They may feel guilty about the intention to cheat on their partners and not want to take your calls. Or the fact that you asked for their phone number was sufficient to boost their ego and they had no intention to take the friendship (or whatever you hoped it to be) forward.
[Why gals can't say No]
3. They may have been interested at first but after a while they feel was "off" with you
If you are insecure, too desperate or telling lies, they may feel it and lose interest in you.
For me, if I sense that a guy is one who wants to be served all the time but doesn't have a godly body and face, I have no interested in entertaining him. [Female superiority and domination]
[Ready-made man vs DIY man]
4. They're not seeking the same thing that you are
If you looking for a ONS but they're looking for serious relationships, or the other way round, it's no point trying to convince each other.
5. They just wanted free drinks
If you bought them drinks at a pub, they could be entertaining you to just keep the free drinks coming.
If this has happened to you, don't feel too bad. There might be nothing wrong with you at all (or there might be...)
Here are 5 reasons why women would give you their phone numbers but won't answer your call or sms:
1. To get you off their backs
They don't want to embarrass you but telling you directly that they are not interested. Not all women are nasty enough to laugh at your pick up lines. They could have given you a fake phone number. But some guys would say "I give you a missed call now" and then the women get caught red-handed when their phones do not ring but some uncle picks up the phone instead.
[What's the worst chat up line I've heard?]
2. They are already attached or married
They may just be looking for fun, considering other options or testing their market value. They may feel guilty about the intention to cheat on their partners and not want to take your calls. Or the fact that you asked for their phone number was sufficient to boost their ego and they had no intention to take the friendship (or whatever you hoped it to be) forward.
[Why gals can't say No]
3. They may have been interested at first but after a while they feel was "off" with you
If you are insecure, too desperate or telling lies, they may feel it and lose interest in you.
For me, if I sense that a guy is one who wants to be served all the time but doesn't have a godly body and face, I have no interested in entertaining him. [Female superiority and domination]
[Ready-made man vs DIY man]
4. They're not seeking the same thing that you are
If you looking for a ONS but they're looking for serious relationships, or the other way round, it's no point trying to convince each other.
5. They just wanted free drinks
If you bought them drinks at a pub, they could be entertaining you to just keep the free drinks coming.
If this has happened to you, don't feel too bad. There might be nothing wrong with you at all (or there might be...)
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